hey i need some advice

Becca - posted on 09/21/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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im 13 almost 14 and my mom is constantly comparing me to my brother (we're twins) and she's always saying wow rebecca look how disorginized you are. example- the sweater doesnt go there it goes here why cant you b e like your brother" Its constant!!! congrats you got an A your brother has an A+ do as good as him. It drives me nuts!!!!! i love drawing but everytime i show her what i've drawn she says... "its good but drawing doesnt get you anywhere in life" and she doesnt understand that a girl needs some time just to listen to music and not critisize my music!! "rebecca instead of listening to that horrible crap why dont you read or study" cuz its my weekend!! i need some help im really moody but she's being mean to me lately what should i do?

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Taz - posted on 09/27/2013

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Sorry your feeling let down by your mom hun, sometimes we as mothers expect so much more out of our girls but she may not realize how she's acting or making you feel. I suggest sitting down with your mom and having a heart to heart about how she makes you feel. Hope everything works out I know how hard it can be , being a preteen trying to find your way in the world and figuring out who you are as a person. :-):-):-)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/24/2013

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Well, first of all, sweetie, you need to start doing chores the way your mother wants you to. That will probably cut down on 90% of your "stress".

If she tells you she wants sweaters in a certain place, put them away properly. My pet peeve with my kids is that I've shown (and shown, and shown) them more times than I can count exactly how I expect things to be done, and they get lazy. So they get spoken to.

Your grades, well, you do need to sit with her and talk calmly about that. Its not ok to expect all of your kids to be mirror images of each other in grade issues.

And, I really hate to break it to you, but if you are listening to crap music and you were my kid, I'd ban the music. There are acceptable artists, and there are crap artists, and crap artists aren't welcome. So review the content of what you're listening to. If it's 'gangsta', get rid of it. If it contains multiple obscenities, get rid of it.

Drawing is a good outlet, but you do need to concentrate on other things as well. Drawing (art) isn't necessarily going to support you later, but is a great sideline.

For some closer assistance, try talking to counselors at school. And try not to have an attitude with everyone, because if you do, you'll bring poor treatment upon yourself.

Becca - posted on 09/22/2013

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but theres really nobody to talk to... my family dont live near me nor do they want to talk about my problems.. and the teachers they insult me and.. i hate it. But i think my mom is stresssed out cuz she lost a daughter (my sister) like few yrs a go and really misses her lately.

Rebelle - posted on 09/22/2013

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Honey, you really need to talk to her calmly and sensibly. No matter how hard you'll need to stay calm to get her to listen. If she won't listen to you, employee the help of a minister, aunt, uncle, dad, or even a teacher to help you get her to understand how wrong and hurtful it is. Would your brother help? Start a journal, keep notes about what she said, when and the discussion that lead to the comparison. There has to be a talent you are better at than your brother, even if you haven't found it yet, if you have try to explain that just because your brother finds learning easier, it does NOT diminish what a blessing you are to your family. Destroying her relationship with you is going to come back and bite her in the butt, much sooner than she realizes. You absolutely need and deserve time to relax and unwind. Every human over the age of 16 knows teenage girls go through some very hard changes both physically and mentally, it takes a much bigger toll than testosterone takes on teenage boys. Remind her your brother doesn't have to deal with headaches, cramps, periods, breast or the pressure of fitting in while remaining a good, thoughtful, caring and respectful child for your parents. Her constant criticism will NOT help teach you to have confidence in yourself and your choices will always reflect the lack of respect and and praise you are given right now by your role model. Talk to your school counselor as soon as you can. Talk to an adult you trust. If she denies her words, consider a tape recorder, but use it as a tool not ammo. That would not help.

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