homeless daughter or soon to be

Trina - posted on 01/17/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My 17 year old daughter is bipolar. I can't take her antics one more minute. She dropped out of school, missed so many days at work she was fired (this happened within a week), won't take her medicine and stays out all hours. She will turn 18 in 33 days. I was given the ultimatum to either kick her out or face divorce. I want a life. I want to kick her out but she has no where to go. i"ve tried counseling, talking to her til I'm blue in the face.I am just so sick of living like this. I get cussed out daily. Help What do I do? Ihave spent a small fortune on mental hospitals, psychiatrists and counseling. Calling the police is a joke. The juvenile court system is an even bigger one so i have no other options at this point

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Jen - posted on 01/22/2010

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I truly feel for your situation. I am the daughter of a parent who has severe depression so I know what the wave and range of emotions can be like - never knowing if you're coming or going.

I work with adults who have various disabilities in an employment support program. I see everyday that there is a light at the end of tunnel. The majority of my clients have a mental illness. They are hard working and productive because the right supports are in place.

I also work part time in a homeless shelter where a number of mentally ill adults "live". PLEASE do not put your daughter on the streets. She likely will not get the help she needs and God forbid she abuses drugs to deal with her disability. You could lose her forever.

I don't live in the states; I'm in Canada. We have organizations that offer support to the client and their families. I would imagine the states would as well (I assume you're in the states). Take advantage of whatever resources you can find for your daughter, partner, other family members and yourself. Look into WRAP - Wellness Recovery Action Plan. Tap into the National Institute of Mental Health.

You are her mom. Yes you want a life. You didn't ask for this situation - no one ever does. Hang in there. If you do need to let her go - for her sake and your own - find an agency that will help with an appropriate transition. Good luck.

Melanie - posted on 01/26/2010

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1.Was it her Father who gave you the ultimatum?
2.When you had your daughter-your life became hers and hers became yours.She is part of you.
3.Money willnot cure it-nor mental hospitals and yes the juvenile court system is a joke and not the answer..
4.Yes it will be hell ion earth but you can only try talking to her but it is how you talk that matters and it is very difficult for two people in your situation to talk sensibly.
5.Is she officially diagnosed by the doctor with Bi-polar and if so does she receive Disability Living allowance.It is a disability but you have to fight for the money.
6.Are you working-if not then you could also be entitled to a carers allowance if you are caring for her.
Just think-What must it be like for her-yes I know it is hell for you but she will not be choosing to be like that.
I have a Daughter who is nearly 16 and ADHD-so I do understand what you are going through but I have worked hard with my Daughter and will continue to do so.
do not give in but take a step back-Head on Conflict is not the answer.Personally I dont think medicine is either.It is working cognitavely with her that might just work but you could do with a person working with both of you.Good Luck.Dont ever give up on her-remember-she is part of you.

Angie - posted on 01/22/2010

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I have suffered with bipolar disorder for 36 years and it saddens me that you would consider abandoning your daughter because she is sick. Would you do the same thing is she had cancer or diabetes? She has an illness that can be terminal if not treated properly and being thrown on the streets so that mom can have "a life" is a condition that could cause that. Please get your family into counseling to get the help you all need. She is not displaying "antics" she is showing symptoms of her disease which is caused by a chemical imbalance in her brain. At least find a loving environment for her to be in and don't just throw her out.

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Helen - posted on 01/25/2010

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If she continues, change your locks, call her dad (I presume that since you said divorce - that dad is not who you are married to) and let him handle it for the next so many days. Tough love is hard - my parents (tho divorced) had to tell my sister to straighten up or leave, she didn't believe them until my mom dropped her at a christian shelter. She then worked on it, as she had no other choice, if she wanted to come home. That was 20 years ago and we all got thru it..



Also, getting her committed is a GOOD alternative to the shelter and the streets. She needs the help and so does the whole family. Please, please make sure you get counseling no matter what. BiPolar can be handled and can be treated - my sister and my son deal with it daily. My son is great - takes his meds and does well. My sister does ok, too, now. And counseling helped the whole family.



And if she goes into the hospital, she becomes the 'states' problem when she turns 18. Yes, it can seem cruel, but sometimes they have to hit bottom before they get the help they need.

Trina - posted on 01/24/2010

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Thanks for all the support. I have spent enough money on psychiatrists, counseling and mental hospitals to buy another house. The police do nothing. The courts are just has helpful so I have few choices left.

Tam - posted on 01/24/2010

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As a parent who watched a father give up his kid over her antics I can totally understand where you are coming from. Trust me though after she is 18 and gone she will still pull antics. I know from experience I thought once she got 18 things would get better and they are worse. We had severed all ties for 5 years tried again only to be treated like crap again. Now she is almost 19 having a baby with a lunatic in Florida. She sends disturbing texts to her dad who she wants "nothing" to do with. Says she is telling her baby he was a "sperm doner who will never know him" She is only hurting herself and her new baby, as your daughter is only hurting herself in the long haul (losing parents) I would suggest a group home for bi polar. I know it sounds scary but the people who run them are use to dealing with bipolar people and maybe if she is in a place like that she will get help and friends she needs. Those people really know how to deal with them and maybe it will just be temporary. Sometimes they do get them out on their own in their own place. It would be better than her being homeless. There are also homeless shelters however with her mental state i doubt she would follow the rules there, which is to work. Being a mom does not end at 18, its a lifetime of worry. Good luck I will be praying for you.

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Hi Trina,

I am sorry to hear you are gong thru this. Have you tried getting her into a facility? I don't know what area you are in but i am sure there are hospitals that can help you.



Hope this helps

Christine - posted on 01/24/2010

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You need to seek counselling for yourself to help you cope with your daughter. Bipolar is a miserable disease for both person and those who love them, but they need all the help and support from a loving family. Sorry your other half can't see this. Not sure where you are, but does your daughter have contact with a community psychiatric nurse or counsellor who can help her?

Pamela - posted on 01/21/2010

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Your children should always come first. I suggest that you get some psyciatric help for her if you love her, after she turns 18 you wouldn't be able to help her and the reason is? Because here in the United States we are not allowed to help our adult children. Which is very sad.

Courtney - posted on 01/17/2010

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I am 33 and bi polar, believe me I know how very hard it can be to have this illness. I can't tell you how hard it is on my family but I can imagine. However, I can tell you it is a illness we disease! She CAN get help though! Its sad that your husband is so stressed its either her or you, that has to be very very hard on you, no one should have to chose their husband or child. However she IS STILL A CHILD in the eyes of the LAW you have that on your side. So don't give up just yet. You still have one more option. Have her commited. I know it sounds harsh but it maybe her only hope. because being mentally ill and homeless is a horrible place to be, there is no telling were she will end up. But it probably won't be good. You as her Mother can call the police tell them she is a threat, she won't take her meds, that you are afraid of her and you need her to be taken to the hospital, tell them with one you want her taken to, make it the nicest one around, tell them you want her taken to the phys. ward. they will keep her for at the very least 72 hours its a hold! But once they see she is unstable and not on her meds she will be kept till she is stable which will be good for everyone. But you must do this before she is an "adult". Then she maybe lost to you. This maybe the be thing you ever do for her. I wish you the best of luck. She really sounds like she needs a lot of help. I hope your marriage will recover too.

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