How can I help my daughter cut loose her circle of friends who cause her stress and make her feel small and incapable and take advantage of her?

Beth - posted on 01/29/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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How can I help my daughter cut loose her circle of friends who cause her stress and make her feel very small and incapable and take advantage of her? My daughter knows this yet she can't cut them loose. She has slowly been doing so, but I think she is trapped because the friends keep making her feel guilty and obligated to hang out with them. In my opinion, they are bullies and losers. and do not deserve my daughter's friendship. I don't want her to regret later that she wished she had gotten involved in activities in H.S. She said that she regretted not getting involved in middle school, and vowed to get involved in H.S. but I believe it is because of these girls she hangs out with that she doesn't. They continue to make her feel guilty when she hangs out with other friends. My daughter knows this. I am tired of her so-called 'friends' and what they are doing to my daughter, that they are continuing to damage her self-esteem. There have been many times I have wanted to tell those girls what they are doing to my daughter and to just go away, They are needy and manipulative and think they have control over my daughter, her dad and I. I have already talked to the school counselor about this and I have tried to talk to her as well. I am afraid that her 'friends' influence could make it difficult in the future for my daughter to know who to trust and who true friends are because she is so used to being treated this way. I want my daughter to realize that she needs to make new friends who deserve her friendship and who can lift her up and be real friends to her. What more can I do to move things along faster? I have even dropped hints and made comments in front of the girls to no avail.

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Mystery - posted on 02/14/2015

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Talk to their parents it's not the kids it's the parents kids need to learn that not everybody has one group of friends

K - posted on 02/02/2015

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For starters if your daughter doesn't 100% want them out of her life they never will be. If she seems to want them gone then physical distance may be your best bet.I know it's drastic but have you considered another school?
If your daughter isn't on board then you may have to wait until summer and refuse to allow her anywhere with them and fill her time with potential new positive friends.
Either way make it clear to her that she deserves friends that are her cheerleaders. People who are happy to see her succeed and supportive when she needs it. My daughter struggled with this in middle school and I literally defined certain kids in her life as her cheerleaders and encouraged her to have groups of these kids over as often as she wanted. Now she's in hugh school and these kids are still part of her life.

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