how do i get a 13 year old get out of bed and go to school. i have taken blanket off, constantly telling her to get up and she just lays there. i threatened to take computer privileges away, she just lays there, and curses me

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ANGELA - posted on 04/04/2013

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My 13 year old son will not got to school, he is behind in every class. In my opinion he should not pass the 8th grade. He as ODD, he defies everything, he is violet and if I try to ground him from his things it's like WW3 just started. I have a 18 month old daughter who loves her brother and he loves her. I do not know what to do, I am in contact with the school and we meet every 3 month or more. He has done counseling on and off for the past 6 years, no help. It's like he is lost, I don't want to give up on him, but I have no more energy to fight this battle. HELP

[deleted account]

Try this for a week.....remove EVERYTHING from her room except the mattress on the floor and a blanket and pillow.  Let her earn everything back, one thing at a time, until she realizes that she needs to show respect to you.  Life does not just hand us stuff....we have to work hard and earn things.  When she starts following the rules in the home you work hard to provide for her, then she can start earning her stuff back.  That includes cleaning up her language! Good luck!

Rebecca - posted on 01/29/2009

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I have three ages 17, 20, and 23. Overpunishment is when punishment becomes counterproductive. too much and the child just gets angry and bitter and doesn't learn or respect. I also think for punishment to be effective you must have first laid a solid foundation of caring over time and implemented appropriate structure through the years. My worst parenting has occured when I lost faith in my children and let my anxiety blur my better judgement. Sometimes (not often) my own parents may have been too lenient, but their faith in me stayed with me through my adult life. That has meant the world to me. I appreciated it so much when they looked to the cause of my acting out and addressed that as well as making rules.

Deidra - posted on 01/31/2009

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Hi Tammy, start off by talking to your daughter to see if there is anything going on in school that she's not wanting to go, if there is, then you need to go to the school and speak with the proper authorities to make sure the situation is handled properly. If that's not the problem, and she is just blatantly being disrespectful, then it's time for you to assert your position as a parent. I have a 13 year old daughter myself who has never given me any problems until she hit puberty, but even then it wasn't anything that I could'nt handle or correct as far as attitude wise, but now we're back on track and doing fine we still do hit those bumps in the road, but she know that I'm mom and she does'nt cross that line. I know that every child is different I can vouch for that, I work with them, but you need to be consistant in what you say and do as far parenting goes because you are your childs first teacher and trust me they pay attention to everything we say or do, even if we think they don't. I am sorry to say this, but your daughter has no respect for you, it seems to me that you have allowed this type of behavior from her and she knows that your all talk and no action. I say this not because you can't get her up in the morning but, the fact that you allow her to CURSE YOU OUT in the process and no repercussions take place afterwards, I say this because reading your post it seemed like it happend more than once. It's hard being a parent at times, I'll be the first to attest to that, because it's the one job were you wear many hats and you have to know which hat to wear and when, but remember that these children that we're loving, caring and nuturing are going to be a member of society one day so teach them that respect and responsibility starts at home.



Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

Marie - posted on 02/01/2009

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I have 2 children, ages 13 and 8.  We drive our kids to school because there is no bus service in our arear.  The older one is getting easier to wake up, but the younger one is impossible.  I tell them both - I will try three times to wake them.  After that, they are on their own. I can specifically recall a time when my oldest was younger. I had to leave for work and he had to go to day care.  He would not get up and get ready.  I finally told him I was leaving.  I loaded my car (lunch, purse, etc), got in the car, started it and every so slowly backed out of the garage.  I had just hit the garage door button to close the door when he came sliding across the floor. I stopped the door from closing and waited for him to get in.  He doesn't slip often because he knows I'll leave without him.  Maybe give that a try. Tell your daughter you are leaving and she will have to figure out how to get to school.  Shouldn't take too long for her to figure out that you mean business

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Carol - posted on 05/06/2013

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Maybe she's not getting to sleep at night or getting a good night's sleep. I had that problem from about 5th grade on. In college I took a class in my major that met at 8am MWF. I rarely got there and didn't do well at all, shall I say. it was a losing proposition before it ever got started.
If it helps, I have removed EVERYTHING with caffeine from my diet except for one drink in the morning, which can be soda or coffee, or anything else with caffeine. But none after that. After that I found what I didn't want to believe. Caffeine WAS a major problem in my sleep pattern. People will blame sugar for keeping kids up. But I don't believe that to be true. Years ago there was a book called Sugar Blues in which the author tried to support the theory that sugar was at the bottom of all people's physical problems. But I understand that idea has been pretty much debunked unless your child is sensitive to sugar.
Knowing now that caffeine has been a problem for me for a long time, I learned that when I went to Caffeine Free Coke, I LOVED it. To me It tasted just like regular Coke. Just for what it's worth, I've found that even though it's not available in some smaller stores (mini marts, gas stations, drug stores) it is available in 12 packs in major grocery stores where there are sometimes some great sales on Coke products. Although I mentioned allowing one caffeine drink in the morning, I drink decaf coffee whenever possible, even in the morning. If your daughter is drinking caffeinated drinks or eating food with caffeine in it, and cuts them out, I think she'll be pleasantly surprised (and so will you) at how much better she feels because she'll be sleeping better. I also think she'll find that the caffeine free versions are equal in taste, unlike artificially sweetened versions.
Please note: Caffeine free Coke is not Coke Zero, which some people seem to think. it is Also it's usually stocked next to the Vanilla Coke. Don't make the mistake I made once (and only once) and get Vanilla Coke when you think you're getting Caffeine Free Coke. The colors on the boxes are very similar.
If this is not her problem, you might think about the fact that some people just naturally have later cycles - and you'll be fighting an uphill battle until she's on her own and can make her own choices about where and when to work, what classes to take in college, etc. I heard it suggested that high schools should offer later classes, both starting and ending, so that these kids wouldn't go to school and sleep through their first two classes. Although it may feel like a losing battle, for now at least, you just have to do your best (and carry a pitcher of ice water) until she grows up to and can make her own decision on when to work and go to school. Late afternoon shifts might be right up her alley ;-)

John - posted on 09/16/2012

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I think you should just jump the gun and kill her, before she has a chance to get up. Much safer that way for you and me.

Jennifer - posted on 02/12/2009

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I found the way I can get mine up is start the shower and tell him the shower is started and he needs to get in before it gets cold he gets right up I guess just something they like to look fwrd to getting up

[deleted account]

Wow, you've got lots of responses to this one! I wonder how it's going? If you want to try something radical, try partnering with her. That would sound something like, "I know that waking up in the morning is challenging when you're a teenager. How can I help you with this?"



When you position yourself as her adversary, it looks like getting up is the topic up for debate. When you make getting up non-negotiable, then you can move on to the best way to work together, and you are no longer the enemy.



As the parent, you have the last word, of course. But allowing her to come up with some suggestions for ways to help her makes her part of the solution, not just the problem.



Loving Teens,



Dorothy

Pati - posted on 02/03/2009

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 When I was growing up my dad would walk down the hall and call our names then he would go to the kitchen and get a pitcher of water and a glass and come back down the hall if you were still in bed you got a glass of cold water tossed on you.  With my daughter I wake her up cheerfully and she had to be ready to leave for school by a certain time, on a few occasions she gave me a fight and she was late, if she got detention that was her consequence to deal with. I only gave her a note if it was a legitimate excuse, like she started her period or something besides not wanting to get out of bed. But I spoiled her I have always made her breakfast and since she has been in jr high school I usually woke her up with a plate of food brought to her in bed. This year she is doing it herself getting up, eating Cereal and bagels and driving her self, showing me at my insistence she can take care of herself before she leaves for college.



 



If you don’t follow through with your threats there is no consequence for her and no motivation to change. You have to take away whatever she loves until she realizes school is not an option. She can loose her privileges but she can’t flunk out of school. I would set a bed time and a wake up time and then stick to it, and set the rules and stick to them. If she can start getting up and getting to school she can start having time back but she has to earn it. Personally if my daughter lay in a bed I bought her in my house cursing me she would find a bar of soap in her mouth and when she got home from school, her room would be empty. Depending on what words she used, the bed might even be gone. But that is just me; I spoil her and do things for her work my butt off for her and when she crosses the line I set her straight quickly, if needed harshly.





 



Shari - posted on 02/03/2009

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Have you found out if there is a reason why she is not getting out of bed? Maybe she is having some challenges at school that she is not wanting to face. Maybe talk to her. If there is nothing going on. Then I would suggest to put your foot down and take her computer away for a week

Diane - posted on 02/03/2009

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toughen up girl! dont threaten! take the computer priveleges away for a set period, say a week, and dont back down! she will soon learn!

Nancy - posted on 02/03/2009

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Also charge her for every curse word that comes out of her mouth....if she gets an allowance take money off that. We charge 25 cents for each curse word and we deduct it from their allowance.

Kristi - posted on 02/03/2009

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I agree with the restriction of privileges - taking away tv, ipod, telephone, etc., and with moving bedtime up 30 minutes every time she won't get up. But as an immediate remedy - my Dad used to drop ice cubes down our backs. Worked EVERY time! And you can't help but laugh as you dance around the room to shake them from your clothes.

Nancy - posted on 02/03/2009

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As a mom of 13 year old twins I know where you come from. But the one thing you cannot do is threaten and then not follow through. My girls have to earn time on the computer, video games and even time out with their friends. I established this with my oldest and followed through with the twins. I no longer have any problems with getting them out of bed. Only because they know that if I do not have to speak more then once it is another 30 minutes added to computer time. And yes I have done the water in a spray bottle thing and it does work at most times. LOL.

Theresa - posted on 02/03/2009

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Love the spray bottle idea from Michelle, I was actually thinking that as I read your question! I say you should take the computer away for yelling and swearing at you. Get her a LOUD alarm clock and put it across the room so she has to get out of bed to turn it off that should help her get up. And reset it as many times as it takes for her to actually stay out of bed!

Kathi - posted on 02/02/2009

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I had also tried everything to get my daughter out of bed in the morning as she ignored her alarm clock. I used to knock on her bedroom door, turn on her light, after that take her blankets and threaten to soak her with a glass of cold water. Nothing worked.  We struggled like this in the mornings from the time she was 11 clear up until she was 14.   



Over the summer she confided in her counselor that she was jealous of the way I woke the other kids up, which was more pleasant than how I was walking her up.  After hearing this when the next school year started I would wake her by going in her bedroom and not turn on her light but I would rub her back and give her a kiss on the forehead while telling her what her breakfast choices were  She usually got up on the first attempt. I have had to gently shake her or tug on her blankets on occasion.



Now on the mornings where there have been school delays due to weather she comes and climbs in bed with me and rubs my back to wake ME up.



It kind of makes sense; I don’t pop out of bed like toast and switch on the light the minute the alarm goes off. I usually hit snooze and lay in bed and stretch and try to get my bearings. I’m almost always out of bed before the alarm goes off the second time.



Maybe your daughter needs some time to wake up.  You might need to try getting her up 5 or 10 minutes earlier because it did take some time at first, but it is SO worth it and my daughter’s attitude was WAY better being woke up this way. She is rarely ever crabby when she gets up in the morning… and for a teenage girl… that’s almost unheard of! J

Lynda - posted on 02/02/2009

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Hi Tammy, I do sympathise, it's not at all easy with teenage girls.

The one observation I picked up from what you have written is the word THREATENED!

My question to you would be, do you follow through?

If you say it, you have to be prepared to follow through, or teenagers will run all over you.

I wish you all the strenght a mother needs, and go girl!

Marie - posted on 02/01/2009

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I have 2 children, ages 13 and 8.  We drive our kids to school because there is no bus service in our arear.  The older one is getting easier to wake up, but the younger one is impossible.  I tell them both - I will try three times to wake them.  After that, they are on their own. I can specifically recall a time when my oldest was younger. I had to leave for work and he had to go to day care.  He would not get up and get ready.  I finally told him I was leaving.  I loaded my car (lunch, purse, etc), got in the car, started it and every so slowly backed out of the garage.  I had just hit the garage door button to close the door when he came sliding across the floor. I stopped the door from closing and waited for him to get in.  He doesn't slip often because he knows I'll leave without him.  Maybe give that a try. Tell your daughter you are leaving and she will have to figure out how to get to school.  Shouldn't take too long for her to figure out that you mean business

Maria - posted on 02/01/2009

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No more threats when she not home you take the computer out of the room. And put it in a common area, so if she needs it for homework only. she is only 13 if you don't get it under control. It will only get worst. take her phone , mp3 etc. And when she does earn her privileges back. take her out for dinner just her and you and take the time to talk to her and tell her how pround you are of her. And to work on her potty mouth it only makes a beautiful girl look ugly.

Judith - posted on 02/01/2009

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It is the ultimate challenge, your daughter is just checking to see if you are still the boss. My daughter is the very same way and so if I stand there and just (remember firm but gentle) Tell her "I am the mother, you get up or I call the teacher and tell her to give you more classwork and homework."

Try to remember what she is looking forward to doing soon . Does she have a field trip planned that you can cancel? Does she have plans with friends that can be changed? Hit her with a strategy that hurts, baby. Be the boss.

The smart kids that do well in school offer the greatest challenges, so remember you are having this trouble because she really is a good kid.

Jennifer - posted on 02/01/2009

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I say take her to an inner city group home/soup kitchen/or homeless shelter. Walk her through it. Tell her you'll be right back (act as if you're going to he bathroom or something along those lines). Disappear for an extended period of time keeping her in your sights without her knowing you are watching her. Hopefully she will absorb the enviornement and when you've left, driving home or the next day or so ask her if that is where she'd want to end up in her life? Weather by means of you kicking her out due to not complying w/ your rules as her parent or if the truentcey officer collects her sends her to jail and ruiens her future w/ a record as having been a violater of the law.



Just a suggestion.

Belinda - posted on 01/31/2009

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Wake her up with her favourite cd, away from her bed. It wakes my girl up and helps put her in a good mood. Also stops them from being cranky at you for being the one to drag them out of bed.

Laura - posted on 01/30/2009

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THROW COLD WATER ON HER...I DID IT TO ONE OF MY KIDS NEVER HAD ANOTHER PROBLEM AGAIN.

Zaundra - posted on 01/30/2009

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Ok, here it is.  Take everything out.  I mean everything out of the room.  Bare minimum.  A mattress, blanket and pillow.  That's it.  NO excuses.  Let her earn all privledges back. Because everything is a luxary.  We only have to give 3 meals a day, didn't say what kind of meals, just balanced and offered, we provide clothing. You lay them out.  I did this with my daughter when she turned 13 and she changed.  In no time, she was back to seeing who was the boss.  You have to be willing to play hardball. 

Shelly - posted on 01/30/2009

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#1 she would be making a trip to the dentist for dentures, I would never tolerate one of my children cursing me..Not even the oldest and he's 23.  Sounds to me like you need to get the athority back over your daughter...I don't care if that means dumbing her out of bed after the first time of going in there and getting her up.  You need to take control of your house.  You are the parent and you need to make sure that she understands that.  There needs to be reprocutions for her actions and guess what your the law in that home not her.  If she doesn't want to live by the rules then it's time to take away what she holds near and dear MP3, CD player, TV, Computer, Friend time....Strip her room of every thing except her bed and dresser and make her earn it back including the friend time....Pull  up the boot straps because it will be a bumpy ride but stick to it...BE A PARENT NOT A FRIEND...I will keep you & Your daughter in my prayers...Good luck and God bless 

[deleted account]

I have a 14 year old boy that doesn't like to get up when he is supposed to, first I wake them all up at 7, I go to the bathroom and get my 5 year old ready, I go back in and tell him again (roughly 5 minutes) after I tell him two times, here comes the water!!! just a few drips is annoying! If she still refuses I would drag her out of bed by her foot and plop her on the floor! lol  Take the comuter away works for my 13 year old, but doesn't bother my oldest (the sleeper) find out which chore she hates! he hates dishes!!!

Rebecca - posted on 01/29/2009

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I do want to say that being a mother is very hard. Just when I think I have got it down, one of my children presents something totally new. It can be very humbling. So I do want to be supportive, but I do disagree with some of the techniques and the attitudes behind them. Every family is different as every child is different. I agree. There is no one set way.

Erica - posted on 01/29/2009

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Every kid is different. I feel that we can offer advice, suggestions and support but ultimately every kid is going to react to different discipline in different ways. And, we are all going to have our methods. "This worked for me". "I don't have this issue but this is my suggestion". I feel that being judgmental is not productive. And, I do feel that some of the Mom's have been judgmental. I don't feel that it is fair to knock any one parents advice. To each their own. And, again, I will express my disagreement with missing school being a form of discipline. Tardy's and detention, sure. But absences? My opinion is, that is counterproductive. I feel that getting behind in school can cause more acting out, depression (leading to more sleeping) and anxiety. Missing school as a consequence just doesn't make any sense to me. I will also remind y'all that I haven't had this particular problem. My 13 year old daughter has been getting up, getting dressed and feeding herself in the morning AND on time since she was 9. She has NEVER been late to school for anything other than a Dr. appointment. This is why, I have NOT offered any specific advice.

Sheila - posted on 01/29/2009

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I can respect that. I have a 12 yr old. I have spoken to her several times as a mom and as a friend. I know she is facing a lot of challenges as a preteen and a young woman. I was once there myself, although I never had either of my parents pushing and believing in me. We recently lost my grandmother, she and my daughter were very close. I am there for her and guiding her, astablishing a foundation. God's foundation. I listen to my daughter and allow her to hang out with her friends, but when she goes she takes the whole rope. so I have been giving her privilages only when she brings me a good Friday report.



Instead of jumping to conclusions and stating that some of us moms are too harsh. I rather be harsh and loving to my daughter than see her fall between the cracks and giving up on herself. I will fight for her every step if I need to.

Sheila - posted on 01/29/2009

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Quoting Rebecca:



I* am finding these postings to be really kind of sad. There is not much faith in your child or motivation to see what is going on with your child. I urge you to read Why Do They Act That Way by David Walsh. Sometimes you can in the battle but lose the war. As angry and frustrated as my children have sometimes made me, I can't imagine feeling that it is ok to do some of the things that are endorsed here. I agree with rules. My children did go to school and did go to detention if late and were grounded if they missed school. However, I think overpunishment doesn't work well. I don't hear many people here who have faith in their children. Too punitive for me.



 






 



 



 



"what's over punishment to you? how many kids do you have? "

Tina - posted on 01/29/2009

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You need to follow through with the natural consequence of her missing school, perhaps if it isn't too far for her to ride her bike or walk to school that she might rather actually find it more convenient for her to get up in the morning on her own. She has trained you to be her wake up alarm. Also, once she misses school then you need to take the computer privileges away until she can prove to you that she is responsible. This is something that needs to happen in order for you to take the control back. She is in control right now. It will only get worse if you don't follow through with your actions.

Rebecca - posted on 01/29/2009

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I really don't like the mix of sarcasm with any punishment. I also wonder how it effects you to have to resort to something so harsh. It would really distress me. My own kids have had the problem of being late or skipping but all have now finished high school, one has finished college. All are good students but have had their share of difficulties. I have a good relationship with all three. I also should mention that I am a social worker. I have often found it a challenge to figure out how much freedom to give and when to take a hard line. I remember  that my grandmother let her kids skip school often. The two who skipped the most got Master's degrees in education! My grandmother trusted that they just needed to stay home sometimes and that they would be just fine.

Lorna - posted on 01/29/2009

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Quoting Rebecca:



I* am finding these postings to be really kind of sad. There is not much faith in your child or motivation to see what is going on with your child. I urge you to read Why Do They Act That Way by David Walsh. Sometimes you can in the battle but lose the war. As angry and frustrated as my children have sometimes made me, I can't imagine feeling that it is ok to do some of the things that are endorsed here. I agree with rules. My children did go to school and did go to detention if late and were grounded if they missed school. However, I think overpunishment doesn't work well. I don't hear many people here who have faith in their children. Too punitive for me.






Read Love and Logic.



 



You have to find the punishment that motivates them when you're stuck in a power struggle.  It's not necessarily a bully problem at school.  It could be that failing grades, missing school, getting held back a grade doesn't motivate your child.  Not getting wet in the morning, does.

Rebecca - posted on 01/29/2009

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I* am finding these postings to be really kind of sad. There is not much faith in your child or motivation to see what is going on with your child. I urge you to read Why Do They Act That Way by David Walsh. Sometimes you can in the battle but lose the war. As angry and frustrated as my children have sometimes made me, I can't imagine feeling that it is ok to do some of the things that are endorsed here. I agree with rules. My children did go to school and did go to detention if late and were grounded if they missed school. However, I think overpunishment doesn't work well. I don't hear many people here who have faith in their children. Too punitive for me.

Lorna - posted on 01/29/2009

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I have a hard time with this, too.  I, however, leave for work 2 hours before my daughter has to get up for school.  I did try everything mentioned in these posts and it just made her depressed and sleep even more.



The only thing that really worked was . . . dumping water on her 2.5 hours before she's supposed to get out of bed and giving her 2 hours of chores as soon as she's up, including washing and drying her bedding because it was soaked.   After 3 days of washing and drying the bedding now she hears me unlocking her door and she jumps out of bed.



After the Christmas break she's been slipping back into her old routines (and me too with the "get up" mantra) so I'm dumping water on her tomorrow to remind her of the consequence.



The reason I think this water technique worked was because it was kind of a funny punishment.  And I wasn't angry and yelling or punishing her.  It was just dump the water and then when she woke up sputtering I would smile and say, "Good Morning, Angel, would you please wash and dry your sheets and clothes and sweep and mop the kitchen floor?  Have a great day at school."

Lori - posted on 01/29/2009

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Read Parenting with Love and Logic.  I have a 13 year old daughter, also, and I thought nothing would work.  I have seen huge successes whenever I implement their techniques.

Sheila - posted on 01/29/2009

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Im actually going through the same thing with my 12 year old. I have told her that she has five months until school ends. She needs to get her butt in gear and not screw it up. The one thing I can say is that when you say your going to do something. Follow through. She's testing you for sure. With my daughter, I have taken away the computer, flat iron, and she doesn't hang out with any of her friends.  I also send her to bed at 9 pm. hope this helps.

[deleted account]

Follow through with the threat ... but take computer away for a significant amount of time -- maybe a month. She'll get over it. Or, do what a friend of mine did with her son ... let him stay in bed and not go to school. Tell him before you do it, that he will be responsible for talking with the principal, because you will not write him an excuse note. The first time my friend warned her son, she left him in bed and went to work. He never went to school. She stuck to her promise and made him talk with the principal. The next time it started to happen, she warned again and went to work. That day he ended up walking three miles to school, because he didn't want to talk with the principal, but he had missed the bus. With him it took just the two times. Touch love works a lot of the time, but of course walking isn't always an option for some kids. Good luck!

[deleted account]

I have the same problem with my 12 year old almost 13year old. We have poured water we have taken privelges away etc. Just be patient. My daughter is a straight A student. I have taken her anyways no matter what time she gets up. She gets detention for being late and is finally realizing that she should try to get up. She showers at night instead of the morning and has her clothing laid out. I sometimes get breakfast ready for her to go out the door. Little things can help. Power struggles are hard but be strong it will pass and then she will soon not have this problem. My 16 year old was the same way and now is doing great. As far as cursing how disrespectful. Mine has not ever done that so I have no answer on how to handle that. We are ones that have taught from the bible and they have been raised with more respect than that.  I am so sorry she does that. Good luck in finding the answer to that.

Kelly - posted on 01/29/2009

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I'm sorry but i have a 15year old and have been thriough this.. it is your responsability as a parent to make sure your child goes to school..I delt with this the hard way and took his phone / computer etc off him if he wouldnt do as he was told .....on the other hand.. ,my friend did the opposite said her son was old enough to make his own choices and mistakes (i disegree) he now hardly goes to school his grades have droped baddly.. they hardly talk to each other he has no respect for her,.. I however have a fantastic relationship with my 15yr old son... who is very respectfull.. we still argue from time to time but he does as he's told...(MOST OF THE TIME ) I have 2 younger boys and I keep saying to him I cant put u on time out but u will go in ur room untill u calm down n we can talk .. it usally works.....well good luck ...please dont give up on her.. ur the boss.. stick to your guns.. and dont use un reilistic threats.. good luck XX

Tysa - posted on 01/27/2009

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I never had a problem with my daughter getting out of bed. She may be a little slow in doing so, but she understands that I'm her mother and what I say in our home is Law.  What do u mean she curses u? Out loud so u can hear her?  I think u may have been giving that Little Girl way too many options. What about dad?

Tysa - posted on 01/27/2009

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I never had a problem with my daughter getting out of bed. She may be a little slow in doing so, but she understands that I'm her mother and what I say in our home is Law.  What do u mean she curses u? Out loud so u can hear her?  I think u may have been giving that Little Girl way too many options. What about dad?

Terri-Lynn - posted on 01/27/2009

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Quoting tammy:

how do i get a 13 year old get out of bed and go to school. i have taken blanket off, constantly telling her to get up and she just lays there. i threatened to take computer privileges away, she just lays there, and curses me




sounds mean but tell her she is going to get wet! with a glass of water on her that should wake her up fast and will not like it again the next day,you feel bad but it should only take the 1 time....lol

Shelia - posted on 01/27/2009

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I haven been having the same issues with my 14 year old daughter, so I know how frustrated you are. I sprayed ice water on her from a super soaker water gun, I took her stereo, tv and computer and phone priviliges away and grounded her to the house for days on end. Finially, I typed out the rules and consequences of breaking those rules. I also have a jar, and if she curses, she has to pay the jar - with the money she earns from doing chores. If she has no money, then she gets money taken out of her earnings the next time she does do her chores. Plus, she has to give me a written apology and let me why what she said was wrong. My daughter ignored me at first and I let her sleep in, let her go to class late and now she has missed so many days of school, she in in danger of failing the 8th grade. this has gone on since school started this year. But she is finally getting the idea that she has to follow the rules and i am not the enemy. She is now getting up, on time and not missing the bus, and obeying the rules the majority of the time. She still needs some work, but she is much better. I had to be very consistant and not give in, not matter what. It was hard, but now it is paying off and her grades have improved and she is no longer in danger of failing, as long as she continues to do this well. You are in a battle of the wills and as the parent, it is important that you win this battle. That doesn't mean you have to be unreasonable or unfair. But it does mean that you have to maintain control, with a good attitude.

Tracy - posted on 01/27/2009

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Stop threatening and just do it! Teens really need limits and rules - the hard job is yours...sticking to the rules and limits and following through regardless of how much time/effort it requires. After your child realizes that you mean business, her behavior will change and then if she is consistent with her good behavior then she gets rewarded by earning her privileges back. Being a mom of teens is the hardest job ever but you will make it through! Hang in there!! :o}

Teresa - posted on 01/27/2009

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This has happened to me and I left bus money on the kitchen table before I left for work. My teenager (15 years old) woke up late, had to catch the city bus and was REALLY late for class. He's never done it again. :)

Denice - posted on 01/27/2009

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my father used to have trouble with getting me out of the bed.i would always refuse and not listen. until one day !!!!!!!!!!! he got fed up and dumped an entie pitcher of water over my head. i was angry, but i got up !. i was always afraid that he would do it again. he would threaten it , but i would get up before he could ! try it.it works !

[deleted account]

You need to stick to what you say. Take the cords from the computer. Then make her earn time back on the computer. If she gets up for school for 3 days then she gets 2 hrs on the computer. If that doesn't work then take something else she loves away. You have to do what you say, if not then it will never work. If she misses school then call the school and let them know. Don't cover for her and she will hopefully get tired of getting in trouble.

Erica - posted on 01/26/2009

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I'm definitely not saying there shouldn't be consequences! I just don't think "failed tests" should be included. Anything having to do with school is off limits in my house as a consequence. There are SO many other methods of punishment to teach them a lesson besides making schooling suffer. That bites everyone in the butt in the end, in my opinion.

Bonnie - posted on 01/26/2009

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What i do with my son, placed an alarm clock with the loudest, most annoying sound, far away from his bed so he actually must get up to turn it off.....

[deleted account]

Once the teenager figures out that she/he has all the power within herself to become responsible and succeeds...there's no stopping to them. Getting up on time in the morning at the age of 13 is a realistic expectation. Teenagers feel empowered and in control of their own lives if they are allowed to learn responsibility and also suffer logical consequences. I've been through this with my son (15 yrs), who now gets up on time and makes it to school on time. Yes, he was late and had detention for being late a few times, but most importantly, he figured this out on his own, he owned his problem, and is now independent. Besides that, the stress we used to have about getting up in the mornings, the constant nagging, is gone :)

Erica - posted on 01/26/2009

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I, personally, do not agree with letting school suffer. If it were me, I would do anything and everything besides that!

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