How do I get over my daughter's heartbreak?

Patricia - posted on 12/06/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My daughter's boyfriend of 3 years just broke up with her. They are 18 years old and I know this is a part of growing up. But I keep thinking that they were perfect for each other. They were like soul mates - they did everything together and seemed so happy and in love. The breakup was dramatic - he told her he didn't love her anymore and that he liked this other girl who happens to be a friend of theirs. This was just a few days after I heard them on the phone giving each other kisses through the phone. It was sort of sudden and surprising for my daughter. And even though he said these things - he had a hard time dealing with the breakup, as did she.

My daughter appears to be handling it well - she cried, packed up all the stuff he got her, and has been reconnecting with friends. But strangely - I'm the one having the hard time. I think about it and start to cry. I don't know why I'm so emotional over it - it's not like he spent a lot of time over our house. I know that my daughter will be okay and will move on and find some other wonderful man to make her happy when she's ready. I know that if it was meant to be (as I keep thinking it is) then in time it will be. I know that they are only 18 and that they need to grow and find themselves and that this isn't the end of the world. I know that other teems have gone through breakups and that it's a part of growing up. I know that very few "high school sweethearts" marry and live happily ever after. But even though I tell myself these truths - my heart still breaks for her. Any advice on what I could do to not be so emotional over this? I don't want to obsess over their breakup - I want to support my daughter and be there for her.

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Jana - posted on 12/06/2011

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I am going through the exact same thing. I never realized how emotionally involved I was in her relationship until this break up, and now feel like my own heart is breaking also. Her ex already has a new relationship after just a week of them not talking, and it is so hard for me to see that. I am pretty sure it is just a rebound relationship, and it will not last long, which is a comfort to both me and my daughter, but it is so hard to watch them together in the mean time. My daughter is also handling it better than I am. She is so strong, and is hiding her pain very well. She also will be okay and move on eventually. I wish I had some advice for you, but am trying to find my way in this emotional roller coaster also. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't the only one feeling such intense emotions and pain. I guess time will help heal us mom's too!

Donna - posted on 08/08/2012

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Patricia,
I am in the very same situation. I, too, am looking for advice. Our break up is only a few days old and my daughter and her boyfriend are in college. Bottom line is... this is just another one of those things that we can't fix for our children. I have been extremely sad and now I have moved into the angry area of emotions. I guess time will heal, but until then, this is difficult. Any advice from others? Donna

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Tammy - posted on 04/10/2015

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Thank you everyone! You made me feel normal... I am completely heartbroken knowing this young man won't be in our lives anymore and seeing my daughter so very sad is honestly destroying me. I'm a tough woman and honestly surprised at how I'm reacting.

T - posted on 12/10/2011

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I think you said it best! Sometimes people need space to grow and find themselves! I think looking back at the fact that she experienced a good relationship during these years is priceless. She knows what to look for in a man, and sounds like she is handling it really well! Be grateful for the good times she experienced, and look forward to the future! Its only scary because its unknown :) Sounds like she is a super mature and smart girl! Good job mommy!

Amy - posted on 12/09/2011

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Spend this time with your daughters reconnecting with them. You can never get this time back. Be glad for this extra time that has been made for the two of you. Go shopping, get your nails done, or just have lunch and talk. You may learn some things about her you may never have known otherwise.

Jana - posted on 12/07/2011

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Yes, that is what is so hard for me with this. I can't fix it for her. I can't control any of it, to make it better for her. I just have to let it go, and trust that God is in control of her life, and if she follows his path, she will end up with the one that he intends for her to be with, and will be happy. But it does seem like going through a grieving process, and I guess we just have to go through each step at our own pace.

Patricia - posted on 12/07/2011

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Thanks Jana - it does help to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way. I knew that one day they'd most likely go their separate ways and experience life - but I never thought I'd be the one to be so emotional over it. We try to protect our kids from pain and hurt - but it's a part of life and I guess we can't stop it from happening. Gone are the days of putting a band-aid on their boo and kissing it to make it better.

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