How do I stop my 14, 12 ,12 & 11 year old Girls from fighting?

JAne - posted on 12/20/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I need help With my 14,12,12,& 11 year old Girls. They fight all the time. They hit . they punch. They call each other names. I have tried everything. Grounding taking things away. Not letting them do things they want to do. Help !!

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Dianne - posted on 12/28/2009

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We didn't just take TV away temporarily, we stopped paying for cable. It's been 9 years and the boys stopped trying to draw blood 2 weeks after the TV was turned off. We still do movie and pizza every friday. But the boys are required to be outside 5 hrs a day in the summer and find volunteer activities to join during the school year. There will always be some scuffles, but blood letting is not tolerated. They like to ride their bikes 10-30 miles a day, now that they are teenagers. We encourage all outdoor activities.

Shermera - posted on 12/27/2009

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i have been trying what everyone has posted guess i'm on the right track my girls are 17, 14 and 11 all driving me crazy because they usually gang up on one another what should i do?

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Mariah Anissa - posted on 08/16/2012

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there is a 14 year girl thats wants to fight me nd iam 11 wat do i do i need to know by this tomorrow

Melinda - posted on 01/07/2010

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I have used two different methods that have worked VERY well. One method works but can only be done in your home when you have time to over see it. I have three children and use this method a lot. When they fight (all or just two) I have this REALLY small chair that is very uncomfortable - especially for 3 - I have them sit next to eachother in the same chair and they are told that they cant move till they talk it out. At first it will be hard to keep them from pushing and yelling.....but when their toosies get soar and dont want to sit there anymore, trust me it works. The other method will only work if children have a moral conscious. Many think the method is cruel, but it does promote team work and is VERY effective. This method is actually used in the military for obvious reasons. If two of my children are fighting or one of the three does something wrong the innocent child or children gets punished for it! Your children will calm down real quick. I solved many problems with this method. Most of the time my children work together and get fantastic results. Good luck.

Jo - posted on 12/31/2009

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I have a 17 year old and 15 year old...both girls. Before I had children I would look around me and see siblings who actually hated each other and I decided right then that I refuse to have my kids be that way. I tell mine all the time that a day will come when they'll have no one but each other. They "fuss", but they never fight. Their friends at school tell them they are weird because they are like best friends...even at this age. I actually think it's because I have tried to stress to them the importance of family and love of Christ. The Lord is the reason my girls don't hate each other!!!

Cheryl - posted on 12/30/2009

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I always make my kids AND their friends hold hands until they come up with an acceptable solution to the bickering and fighting. Yes, they will try to squeeze each others hands off... thats when I put butter between their hands. It becomes extremely entertaining for me - which takes the stress away. Soon they are laughing too. Then we all sit down and talk about what happened and how to best avoid the situation from happening again. Good Luck. Worst case make them sit on an invisible chair against a wall until they talk it through. NO SQUATTING !!

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I am serious though, watching JoJo on Supernanny can be informative but also supportive. As parents we need support- there is a group somewhere with other parents of kids your age. Find it and join it! You will find new answers and listen to tales that suggest you kids aren't so bad, help other parents, and recieve help yourself. If you can't find one, start one- try meetup.com. It is a great site for meetings.

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While I think the other answers are interesting, they don't seem to give specific how to methods to help children stop fighting. I would like to say that they are acting badly because you allow them to do so. They don't have significant consequences for breaking the rules so they do it. The Super Nanny show is great support for seeing how nothing is impossible. When you take control of your children's behavior by writing out house rules, posting them, and the consequences for breaking them and then following up with those consequences you make sure they know this is your house and you will not abide that behavior in it. You say you have tried everything and it doesn't work, that means the consequences are not strong enough and you are not consistent enough with them. You get tired of it and you give up and they know it. When two are fighting, bring them to the table with a bell timer and tell them they each have one minute to tell you the problem (no interupts from the other!) Then when both have spoken, they must be quiet while you ask questions to get to the bottom of it. Then having determined the problem- you state it and ask them for the solution. They stay at the table until they come up with one. No TV, no music, no gameboys, no texting, nothing but silent room and their butts on the chair till they come up with a solution they can BOTH live with. They will get tired of sitting there with nothing to do. You are teaching them to solve their own problems. After awile of this technique, they will have less fights cause they will come up with the solution to avoid the family conference table.

Yes, girls fight, but no, that it not ok. IT is the way they are allowed to disagree that is important.Bullying is not allowed, name calling, not allowed, stealing things, not allowed, hitting, never allowed! The girls should come to you and ask for a table session. Everything should stop and you and your spouse should be at the table with the timer. Being listened to is important, asking questions to get the truth is a parental art! Getting them to solve it is a life lesson. Try the "We survived Our Teens" community (see communities). Good luck!

Gina - posted on 12/23/2009

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You can't. Simple as that.
I am the oldest of four girls. We fought like crazy-including physical fist fights. It continued until I got into high school-then we started to have more in common.
I think it will fade as they get older-my sisters are my very best friends and I do not know what I would do without them, but there were moments when I was a kid when I'd have happily killed them all :)
The one thing i can suggest is that you work hard at drawing areas that are completely off limits-borrowing one sister's clothes, or make-up, or whatever it is that one finds important and what sets them off the most. If you can enforce that, it sure helps. Because I guarantee you the one thing I always wanted the most was whatever my sister wanted me to have the least.

User - posted on 12/22/2009

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Make them work together. Explain to them that they are sisters and you will not tolerate them fighting and arguing in your house. Make them work together on household chores. Let them know if they complete these chores or whatever it is without fighting that you will reward them. Take everything away and give it back one by one if they stop fighting.

Gina - posted on 12/21/2009

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Fighting with sibs is just a part of growing up. My kids are still fighting at 20, 19, and 17.

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Growing up a middle child with an older and younger sister, I understand your concern. I honestly would let them work it out themselves. I always hated it when my mother intervened when we were fighting. Cuz with girls you can't just say stop fighting and them say ok and be done. There is usually a bigger issue brewing weather it be jealousy, lack of respect or something, and if you break it up, those issues are not resolved. I would definitely not let them really hurt each other, but encourage them to talk out the real issue. If you have a sister, talk about how you wouldn't want to live without her, and how your life is better with her in it.

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