How do you deal with 19 year olds that still won't work !!! Does go to school full time but won't work part-time? Spoiled huh?


[deleted account]

Maybe it's just me but...

I think it's easy to say 'just kick them out', but I'm not sure that works for everyone.

My son is 18, graduated this past June, doesn't work & doesn't go to school.

Yes I am at my wits end, but I wouldn't feel like a better parent because I put him out with no where to go. We don't have family for him (or myself for that matter) to go to, and he has no friends since he is a homebody. We live in NYC and this is not the place to just kick your kids out to.

Mind you, I only give him money for haircuts and do his laundry because I don't want to see a grizzly bear in my house nor smell one. I can't give him that motivation he needs which has to come from with in....I believe he just hasn't gotten 'there' yet.


Lori - posted on 01/18/2009




Well, I will only say what works in our house - both my daughters have known from the get-go that in order to obtain a driver's license, they had to first secure a paying job to pay for their insurance. No job, no license, and certainly no car. My older daughter wasn't quite sure she believed me.......turned 16 in June a couple years back, but lo and behold!! got a job in August - at which point I took her to get her license. Her job has been one of the greatest things for her - she has grown in responsibility, and learned to juggle school and work and friends without letting her grades slip (the #1 priority) - and has actually got a phenomenol group of work friends that have added to her social calendar!! Hoping for the same great experience for my younger daughter - she turns 15 in April, and already can't wait to get a job - is trying to figure out a way to get a job this summer close enough to home to bike there! Good luck - tough love isn't called that for no reason!!!

Jamie - posted on 01/18/2009




I think you just need to be the one that flat out says its time to get a job or you are gonna have to find another way of living cause at 19 they need to be able to learn to support themselves, its great and all their still in school and you want to help them but you have to draw the line somewhere, i have 14 year old who is holdint down a job and going to school, so ther is no reason whats so ever why a 19 yr old cant be, but that is just my opinion and i dont want to offend anyone i just thought i would commnet on that...

Colleen - posted on 01/24/2009




19 yr old male not working - unacceptable in my world.

I am a single mom, and my daughter moved out at 16. Made some bad decisions and ended up pregnant and moved back home to save money.

She was working fultime because she had rent to pay.

Her thought was that she was going to work partime and go to school.

I told her she was right in needing to go to school, but the working part time was not an option. She needed to work fulltime to get and save some money for the baby.

I believe if a 17 year old female can work fulltime and go to school while pregnant a 19 yr old male can.

He must need money, where is he getting it from?

Sorry if I comoe across harsh, but now a days there are so many teenagers that just don't want to work.

What is with it!!


View replies by

Melissa - posted on 03/15/2017




by all means a young man should have a job at 19, but why bother, he is still in high school and leaving for the military as soon as he graduates, why are you even concerned about him getting a job. It seems he is going to have a job in July.

Cindy - posted on 01/24/2009




I have an almost sixteen year old daughter who very badly wants a job.  Unfortuneately, we live in Michigan.  There aren't enough jobs for adulst let alone teenagers.  If you live in a state with over 10% unemployment such as Michigan, good luck to your son getting a job.  I started working at twelve (mid 70's) and was able to fund trips to California, Boston (twice) and Florida in middle and high school.  If I were a teen today, I would want money for the cell phone, computer/intenet fees, itunes wow.. Cut him off of those things and see how fast he moves.  Also, the money for movies, dvd rental, dates, buddy night, heaven forbid a credit card.  Bank of Mom should close until a Direct Deposit is made weekly.

Shelly - posted on 01/20/2009




You give him a dead line date to have a job or be in school or you pack his bags and put him out it's called tough love.  We had to the same thing with our 20 year old and now he is in the Navy and doing great


Koryn - posted on 01/20/2009




Sound like you have your answer! These moms have been there and know so I would take their advice. Kids who work find more confidence and are better equiped to deal with real life. Good luck!

Lori - posted on 01/19/2009




My oldest is 19 and will graduate from HIGH School in June. He does NOT work. Only goes to school from 7:30-10:30 in the morning. I have no clue what to do with him about a job. We have constantly told him he needs to get one,but he refuses to do it. I give him NO money at all. He walks any where he wants to go because hhe refuses to pay for insurance on his truck. (which is still in my husbands name.) He leaves for the NAVY in July,I would kick him out,but I want him to graduate from HIGH School,and feel if I kick him out he wont finish his schooling. Now if he was in College and refused to get a part time job,I think I would kick him out.

Pati - posted on 01/19/2009





My parents let us live at home for free after 18 as long as we were in school full time, but they did not give us money or pay our bills. There was always food, but no other services were provided, like laundry or dishes. We all got jobs as soon as we were old enough as there were no free cars or insurance or gas money.

I have the same rules for my daughter when she graduates, free room and board. she is 17, a senior, is taking college classes at night,  is on a competition cheer team and has a job. It’s not an option if she wants money.  



Jenny - posted on 01/19/2009




I agree with most of these gals. Definately support going to school, but the money has to come from somewhere. My kids have been told they may stay at home through college (locally), but will need to work some to pay for their extra wants. At that age I think room & board is enough!

Karla - posted on 01/18/2009




Yaye for them for going to school but he/she should be working. If you are giving him/her any extra money, a car, gas money a cell phone, then you are enableing them. Time to let them see what its like to walk to school, have no phone and have no free money. Soon enough, they will get it. If that doesnt work, time for them to hit the road and find their own place. Easier said then done I know...good luck.

Jackie - posted on 01/18/2009




19 year olds need spending money. He must be getting it from somewhere....

so if he is getting it from you... stop.

My daughter was 14yrs old when she wanted more spending money than I could afford so she got a part time job... not alot of hours...but just enough to pay her cell phone bill every month and have a bit of spending money for fast food...and such.

Just becareful... you dont want to push too hard so than he gets a job...likes the money so much that he quits school.

Good Luck

Lynn - posted on 01/18/2009




I had the same problem...I kicked my 19 year old because he would not go to school and refused to work. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do, but I knew I had to stop inabiling him...The good news is now he has his own place with a couple of friends, he is working full time and his very happy. Good luck!

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