How do you handle your teenager having sex?

Callista - posted on 06/11/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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IF your teenager is having sex, or is thinking about having sex and comes to talk to you about it, what is the best course of action for you as the parent and them as your child? is it better to restrict communication and talk with their parents about it to make sure it can't happen? or is it better to keep them safe and not let it happen under your roof? I am a teenager and I can see both sides of the argument. the kids will be kids and if they are going to do it they can't really be stopped, and also the side of tighten their rope and make it impossible for them. I can see where both have the pros and cons but which course of action is best? Also is there a third path that can be taken in this situation?

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Olivia - posted on 06/11/2015

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If I came to know my son or daughter were having sex, I think I would be fooling myself to think I could stop it. I don't have to make it easy and allow it in my house. They'll have to work at it and sneak around. It worked for generations of teenagers before. However, I'd have no hesitation in getting my daughter to the doctor and providing her with a prescription for contraception. I would hope I have my "scared-straight, use contraception" speech ready for when the time comes. Same for my son. Also I would try to convey to my child that no matter how grown up and mature they feel, they still have lots of emotional growth ahead of them that will affect this relationship.

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Raye - posted on 06/11/2015

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Callista, I had a friend in High School that her mother allowed her boyfriend to move in with them. Her reasoning was that my friend, her daughter, was going to have sex anyway so why not have them safe at home where they wouldn't be getting into other kinds of trouble. Even us kids thought that mother was crazy. Most moms do not think that way, because of all the stuff I wrote in your other post.

What most teens don't realize is that responsibility is not a lessening of freedom, but rather a gaining of it. No, you cannot engage in whatever selfish whim enters your head. Yes, you will lose many short-term and immediate pleasures (but such behaviors are often dead-end actions anyway). In the long run, you will get greater freedom and earn respect (from others and also self-respect). When you are responsible, what you will discover is that people will trust you more. And with that earned trust comes more freedoms... Freedoms that don't lead to dead ends or trouble, but rather to long-term pleasure and gain. You will become able to do things that are now closed to you. You will be granted privileges. Maybe that still won't be having sex under your parent's roof, but it will be something more meaningful.

If you refuse to be responsible, you will never have the trust, power, privileges, and freedom that comes with it. You will continue to be treated like a child and have fewer privileges, because you have behaved like a child needing immediate gratification, and not being able to control your urges.

I am impressed that you would seek out other opinions and try to educate yourself about this issue, but people's responses on this forum might go either way, allowing it or disallowing it in their homes. I'm not sure which way is really "better". What really matters is what YOUR parents think and feel, and what they allow in their house. We won't be able to tell you that. And you coming at them with an argument something like "well, moms on the internet felt you should let me have sex", I don't think would help your situation. You really need to talk to your parents and then decide (based on their opinions and rules) what you feel is best course of action for you.

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