How Does a 13 yr old girl overcome a rape?

Nancy - posted on 04/30/2013 ( 21 moms have responded )

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It happened only three months ago. A stranger saw she was home alone and followed her into the house and raped her. She was still quite innocent and naive. No phone , no computer a good athlete and an 'A' student.

She is now angry and depressed. Not in front of her friends. No one knows. The advocates, counselors and police have not been very helpful. She refuses their help now.

She is my god daughter. I want to help.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Vivian - posted on 05/06/2013

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Talking about what happened to her in a support group with other victims will help to very slowly take back it's grip on her life. However, she may need to feel anonymous at this point. Try online support groups ie http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Rape/supp... , just give her the information in a card and let her decide to what to do with it.

Dee Dee - posted on 05/06/2013

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Hi
It is tramatic experience forher to go thru. Try not to be alone, always do something with someone. It is not her fault , or anything she might done to cause the rape. It DOESN'T MATTER what you wear, it is NEVER the victim's fault!
Elderly women in nursing homes get raped,men get raped, little babies get raped, it has nothing to do with the victim's behaviour. Rape has everything to do with the PERPETRATOR. Rape is not about sex, it is about power.
Please talk to someone about it. I don't know where you are in the world but there are helplines everywhere. Try joining Pandora's Aquarium http://pandys.org/forums/index.php? or contacting RAINN if you are in the US http://www.rainn.org/ or Rape Crisis if you are in the UK http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
Please don't feel that you have to go through it alone. If you don't want to talk to your parents that's ok, but find someone that you can talk to, be it someone online or someone at somewhere like the Samaritans, or a friend, but don't bottle it up or ignore it.

Brenda - posted on 05/05/2013

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First let me say, I'm so sorry she had something so traumatizing happen to her. Rape is hard at any age, but especially at such a young age. I have never been raped so no idea what she's going through. Saying this, she is more than likely suffering Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's very common in rape victims. You said the counselors and advocates aren't helping her? Is there a local sexual assault victim support group? Contact RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network). They should be able to help find a good counselor and support group. Their number is 1-800-656-HOPE. Meanwhile, let her know you're there to support her and then be there. Her whole world has been turned upside down and is crashing around her. She has no idea how to deal w/it. I'm guessing she's also probably having nightmares and/or flashbacks. Does she like to write? Maybe buy her a really pretty journal she can write in about her feelings. It will help. That way, even though she doesn't want to talk, she can at least write it out. I do hope she gets the help she needs.

21 Comments

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Jenn - posted on 03/18/2015

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Why are people asking why she was home alone?! She is 13 for god sakes! You can legally babysit another child at 12. Ughh

Carol Ann - posted on 10/28/2013

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Try to get her some good counseling or if she confides in you tell her you will go with her for emotional support

Nancy - posted on 05/22/2013

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She will not go anywhere with me - will hardly talk to me. We talk mostly on the phone and not for two weeks now. She wants me to disappear for a while and I am cutting the cords and allowing for that. She would never go to a doctor- that I know.

Lisa - posted on 05/22/2013

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I would take her to the doctor.. first work on the depressed and then the angry....

Nancy - posted on 05/22/2013

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My godchild who had been raped nearing four months ago is now very angry at me . She came to me for help as she was pregnant. We got a 'judicial bypass' so the uncle she lives with and parents in Mexico did not have to know about it. We did not have a very good or honest experience with advocate group or protective services. The uncle was told about the rape - not the pregnancy - and together they will tell the parents this summer. She won't have me at her 8th grade graduation - she won't look at me or go anywhere with me. Won't even talk on the phone. I've been advised by a therapist not to reward her behavior with graduation gifts I wanted to give. Its sad for me. Most likely better for her than keeping the secret. Should I give the gift of a book, a journal, some money? I am at a loss - of more than just answers. Thank you all for your meaningful responses. They have helped.

Donatien - posted on 05/22/2013

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I think any effort must concentrate on an as-normal-as-possible sexuality going forward, so she can still have a husband and a family that is not effected from this event. Encourage her to date, maybe not this year, but the year after, and explore her own sexuality as well as relationships with guys.

LATONYA - posted on 05/06/2013

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First and foremost you must assure her that is wasn't her fault. That there are just some bad people in this world. This happened to me also and I was younger then her. Seek counseling and a lot of prayers.

Sylvia - posted on 05/06/2013

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Hi, I myself have been through rape (date) and counseling is great, but I do want to say, pray for her and with her when she allows you to, life goes on and she needs to know one person's actions does not stop the show! She will go on to be a bright young lady, productive, and positive! There will be hills and valley's but God will take her through them...and also teach her the power of forgiveness for the assailant, this will release her in more ways than one and give her, her power back and remember it will take time, she will definitely get her joy back, her peace back, her smile back! I am praying for her and your family!

Connie - posted on 05/05/2013

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find her someone who really knows what she is going through.... counselors are fine but they made me so angry because they pretend that they understand (and i believe that something in them really thinks they have a grasp on it because they have studied it) and yet they have no idea... I think finding someone she can talk to and relate to will help. maybe you could find a big sister organization or even a support group that could offer you someone that can show her that this can be overcome. One person is easier than dealing with the entire group. I would also have to say pray hard and try to treat her just as you always have. Everyone treating her differently will add to the feeling that life will never be normal again...and people need the stability of normal especially with those they love. good luck and God bless!

Barbara - posted on 05/05/2013

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Prayer is good, but she needs a lot more than that. She needs to see a counselor. This is a long process and there are definite stages she will go through, starting with denial, blame. To have you there as support is so wonderful! She may open to you, but a counselor trained in this field is crucial for her to develop trust enough to open up. Its different and very therapeutic for victims to become survivors by going through the process with professional help. If you live by a university, contact their women's counseling group and you will find people specifically trained to help students with this process AND people who are trained to deal with young women/girls. I've seen how much help they are - they help immensely. I personally witnessed a young lady go through this. It took her about 2-3 months to finally get the courage to seek help! Somehow through their guidance, they made her feel validated, and gave her the courage to press charges. It is a slow journey, one that NO ONE should have to travel, much less travel alone. My heart goes out to her and you. Thank you for being there for her. She needs you as her safety net, where she can turn after going to counseling sessions, you can be her comfort zone where she can feel safe, knowing you know, but also knowing you're not judging her, that you love her no matter what. Good luck to you and of course to her.

Nevien - posted on 05/03/2013

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You must , give her more love , company, make sure that it s an experience that she must forget, and help her to go through it only with love & share all her interest and give her company as along as it makes her feel secure.. She must get back her self confidence.

Deanna - posted on 05/03/2013

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It takes a lot of time and patience to "heal" from a rape. Seeing a counselor she trusts should help. Reiterating it was not her fault should help as well. As her what she needs to heal. She will need time and a lot of support. 3 months is a short time to heal after something so horrible. Depending on where she lives, there might be some places she can go to for help. Group discussions, a therapist who specializes in sexual assault. Her parents would need to talk to her, talk to her counselor, the police about what resources are in her area to help her.
Don't force her to heal fast. Take tiny steps. There will be nightmares, there will be fear of being alone, there will be many issues to deal with. They must be dealt with very carefully for her to become a survivor of her rape. Don't see her as a victim, but someone who can overcome it. In her own time, in her own way.
My heart is going to her.

Tracy - posted on 05/02/2013

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Someone else said don't push her. To a major extent, that's great advice. There is a fine - very fine - line to walk though if she is let alone to bottle this up. She might need to rage and scream at the world but doesn't know how or maybe doesn't think she is allowed to. Everyone is different, of course, but she will have to get this anger out at some point. Did they catch the guy? Do they know who it is? The question becomes, and you would know this better than any of us here, is the bottling up or dealing with it internally before letting it into the world? I think the biggest thing is to make sure she is facing it and not trying to ignore/bury it. It DID happen and she needs to acknowledge it. My cousin went through something different but probably just as personal as a rape. She seems to the world to have just moved on but her life falling apart around her shows that she has never fully faced the situation head on. She just skirts the situation and sweeps it deeper under the rug as time goes on. I just would hate to see this happen to your god daughter. But, again, it's such a fine line to being helpful or to being pushy/invasive.

Pitrak - posted on 04/30/2013

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Nancy, what a blessing that she has you to think about her and feel for her. You love her and this answers the question 'how?'. I am sure you are, deep down, so relieved to see her alive and breathing. Every day bring into her world some of this feeling. A heartfelt smile? A word of love? A note to tell her how wonderful you think she is? A shared funny moment? Perhaps in the future, a safe place where she can listen and see others who have successfully overcome this darkness. I am so grateful as a human being that there is someone like you to be there for this child. Thank you.
Pitrak

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