How old till they Move out

Cindy - posted on 03/25/2010 ( 49 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 19 and has a reliable Full time Job and I am suggesting she Moves Out into her own place.
I was 18 When I moved out
at What age are your Kids moving out???

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JaCQUELINE - posted on 07/15/2013

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My son is going to be 22 years of age on the 24th of July. He is not a bad person. He has his own car. He contributes to the household. But his attitude has changed. All he does is go out with girls and spends his money on them . Then he stays out sometimes and returns back home the next day. I really worry about htat part because I do not know who he might be with. I have a question since he does these things is it time for him to get his own place? or should I let it go since he does contribute to the household/ It is so dangerous in society today and I have been a great parent but I am a single parent. I know I have to let him make his own choices. Could someone help me out here!

Susan - posted on 08/26/2012

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Mine is 20+. She slacked off last semester and dropped from a 3.6 to a 2.2 GPA!!! She doesn't contribute to the household in chores or money, sleeps until 3 or 4 PM on the days she isn't working at her part time job, and has lately consistently lived far below her own potential. It's driving me insane! She's taking just one class at university and at this rate, will be at junior college until she's 70.



I would happily pay for her to go to college full time and live in the dorms. But she thinks dorms are "stupid" and "restrictive". She can't manage to go to school full time because she "has to balance her social life" which begins almost daily at 11 PM and continues until 3-4 AM. I found out recently she's had a fake id since she was 15!!! It's very challenging to live with her because I work from home in a small apartment.



Right now, she's watching TV really loudly, 20' from my desk. I really just can't take anymore. I feel sad that I want my own child to leave my home. I've given her notice - about 6 weeks ago - and she's scheduled to leave (in theory) in 6 days. I am counting the seconds! Those of you here who posted stuff about how you want them to live with you forever either have very young kids who haven't yet become difficult teens and then annoying mini-adults or you are very lucky to have easy-to-live-with kids.

Louise - posted on 04/15/2010

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I was 17 when i moved out and my husband was 18. My son is moving to Scotland to go to university and he is more than ready for the new adventure. To be honest he is outstaying his welcome as he wants to spread his wings and be a man and is constantly at logger heads with his dad. My younger son is going to college this year locally so he will be at home until he is at least 19/20. He is totally different than his brother and to be honest it will break my heart when he leaves. I think each child is different and you know when it is time for them to go as they suddenly want to take over your house!

Catherine - posted on 08/10/2011

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my youngest is 20 and still living at home, i am in no rush for him to move out, at the moment he is out of work, he is strugggling to find work so he could not afford to have his own place, he does contribute to the house, instead of paying us rent he helps us pay our bills and also he has just got sky for us so we have something good to watch, i have told him that he can stay at home for as long as he wants, i no that when the time is it right for him he will move out but for now he is welcome to stay put

Cindy - posted on 07/17/2011

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my daughter is now 20...... and not moved out YET....... but WE are moving soon out of town and she doesn't want to move there, so she will get her own place then

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Ellen - posted on 01/08/2013

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I read that book, too! I thought it was one of the best books I've ever read on the subject. Wish I'd had it when my child was younger.

Helen - posted on 08/05/2011

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with my children i was happy to let them stay till they were ready to leave but that is not right for everyone but dont be to quick to push them out be sure they are ready to stand on there own 2 feet and are strong enough to deal with the unscrupulous people of this world u know ur child better than most and will know when it is time .... you dont want the yoyo affect where they have tasted freedom and want that but as they cant cope they come home then leave then come back and so on till they eventually stand on there own it drives you mad good luck

Cheryl - posted on 07/31/2011

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I reckon that if she is obeying the basic rules of the house, which she should, and there is no conflict, she should at least have her own car as well, then another 2 years at home will not hurt her, as long as shes not using your home as a hotel. 19 can be a very difficult age indeed. LOL.

Jane - posted on 07/17/2011

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I have always told my kids that once they graduate from high school, they need to find their own place unless they are attending university or working full time and paying rent.

My daughter has gone off to college, and was 18 when she went. She has a summer job where her accomodations are supplied, so while she still has a room here she is really only using it a few days a year to live in, and as storage for stuff she doesn't want to take to college.

My son will soon be 17 and has no intention of moving out. He still has 2 years of high school left before he has to make a decision.

My step son was forcibly moved out at 22. He had dropped out of high school when his mom was still alive, and generally had some sort of job, but he didn't pay rent. My husband was devastated by his first wife's death and so let him stay too long. He had a rough time at first but eventually figured out that you have to actually PAY the bills.

I would suggest that your daughter should either move out to her own place, or start paying a portion of the expenses of the house you both live in plus doing chores.

Carmel - posted on 07/17/2011

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As lomg as you get on fairly well together, she might as well stay at home. It's a big bad world out there. She should of course be paying board now that she has a full time job and helping with jobs around the house such as washing the dishes.

Tam - posted on 04/12/2010

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my kids can stay at home forever but realistically iknow they will probably be like me and leave home at 18. I have raised them differently tho. I had to many chores, and I wanted out of them. Instead I got my own chores.

Alycia - posted on 04/12/2010

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I moved out at 16, it depends on the kids. If she's nice I would just charge her abit of rent, or start sending her to do groceries.. make her do things she'd be doing if she were on her own, sometimes just getting an idea of what it's like is enough to help them feel comfterble and ready.

Jane - posted on 04/12/2010

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My daughter is 20 and in college out of state. She'll graduate in May of 2012 and my expectation is that she comes home. I have no need to rush her out. She's going to go to grad school immediately after she finishes her bachelors and my thought is, get it done, live at home so you can save money and then once you get your full time career job, then you can look at moving out. I'm 51 but I didn't move out until I was almost 21.

Cheryl - posted on 04/12/2010

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No, if your daughter is happy with you and there are no problems associated with her staying there, I would go with supporting her whenever she wanted to move out, providing she is not 30 by the time she does. In the meantime, she should pay board and lodging and share with responsibilities around the house, as she would if she were on her own, but board and lodging don't have to be insanely expensive. She'll flee the coop as soon as she's ready : )

Heather - posted on 04/09/2010

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My kids can live at home as long as they are attending school full time. If they are working they can pay rent or move out. Most young adults can't afford to live on their own but that's what roommates are for.

Dawn - posted on 03/31/2010

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My dd moved out as soon as she finished school. Which was 5 weeks before she turned 18. I wanted her to stay and go to school. I was 20, but was living with my grandparents since just before I turned 18.

Catherine - posted on 03/31/2010

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Mine could not wait to move!!! :) Ha ha.. They moved out around 18 or 19! My daughter is now 22 but, she moved into her boyfriends parents house! I do not call that moving out to be independent though! She can do more in there house :X "LIVE & LET LEARN"!!! :) I miss my children living home though! But I have a 3yr old and 13yr old still at home. I have a total of 6 children. I miss them so much! I just do not see my other four children as much as I want too, but they live quit far from us though! But I do see them on Holidays & Birthdays most of the time :) If she is able I would push her out of the nest gently but having a heart to heart talk :) If you don't she will not fly like you want her too! It's in your hands mom :)

Cathy L.

Rosemary - posted on 03/31/2010

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This is only my opinion and every family is different. We don't think there is a exact age that a child should moved out but more of when they are ready and need to do the next step. In our family immediate and extended we lived at home till we got married or brought a house, this was not force on us it was a choice. In fact children were raised with grandparents living in same household. I have 3 sons. Range from 28-17. They know that they always will have home here. I feel if they are going to school and working and reaching for their goals they set for themselves, then they are on the right path. What parent does not want better for their child than what they had. Now of course there should always be rules set no matter what age they are. Just is so they know its a home not a hotel. Yes they can do house hold duties, pay house bills and be part of the family. This can be a blessing. If staying home helps them secure a better life with education and career then why would you deny them that. Now if the child does not take advantage of this and does seem to want to pursue anything then thats when tough love steps in. The rule was always work or school there was no other choice and if not, then they need to support themselves at that point.

Christina - posted on 03/30/2010

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I agree with most of the responses that suggest you consider this situation a blessing. However, we all want our kids to be able to survive on their own.

There are many ways you can work towards this. Summer or spring break trips; having her travel for a bit is great; even you taking a trip and leaving her in charge of the house for a period of time is a great opportunity. What about having her help with the household management, paying bills, and budgeting too, letting her know you want her to have the experience and could use her help too. Sometimes living with a relative for a while that needs extra care or help is also a way for children to become adults in a familar way.

All in all, you are blessed!

[deleted account]

You are the Mom. 1st and formost. I have learned that just because I did things a certain way doesn't mean my children should follow in my footsteps. It is far better than she is ready both financially and emotionally prior to moving out or she will be back! Trust me that is far worse. Once they move out they consider themselves to be "adults" if they have to come back, its much harder to follow house rules when you have been out on your own. Don't push a bird out of the nest until their wings are strong enough to allow them to fly.

Bridgette - posted on 03/30/2010

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Now days if they don't go away to college, they think they are not suppose to move out. However; your house. your rules!!!

Kari - posted on 03/30/2010

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sometimes never. It depends on how comfortable you make them at home. no bills, no responsibilities, who would want to move out?? If you truely want her to move out, and she is capable, then make her see the light. Tell her that since she is 19, she needs to pay rent, or the electric bill, or she is responsible for the groceries, give her a reason to say 'i could do this on my own' let her know she can always move home if she needs to. you say she has no attitude, and she helps with the laundry and your ok with this, so what is your hurry??

Louise - posted on 03/29/2010

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Hi,
My eldest son is 18 and will be moving out in September to go to uni. All I can say is thank God as he is driving us all insane! My youngest son is going on to college and will be staying at home until he is 19. I moved out at 17, I struggles but managed because I had to. My husband also moved out at 17 again struggled with bills but managed. I think if your daughter is bringing home a god steady income there is no need for her to live at home. Some kids live at home to amass a deposit for a house and others live at home as it is like a hotel meals and laundry on tap! Tell your daughter if she is not going to move out then she has to help out with family bills, so charge her rent. It will not be long until she realises that she could afford to live on her own or flat share. It is very unusual that a child does not want to be independent. May be you are making her to comfortable!

Christine - posted on 03/28/2010

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I think it depends on what you and they want to accomplish with their lives. Have you discussed it with her? Is this job a stepping stone, is she saving for a house, saving to start a business, travel, peace corps??? If it doesn't bother you and she isn't using you, I would let her stay as long as she likes. I would be clear, as I have told my 15 year old now, what ever you do, you must have a purpose. Goals are good. I would be very proud of the fact, I let them stay to accomplish something good. Accommoplish is the key word and of course, telling her your expectations, I think would only help. Who cares when she moves out if the ends justify the means. If you are willing to take laundry in exchange for rent, so be it, I would be the same way, mostly. My kids do their own laundry, as a chore, so they wouldn't be doing the whole household but they would have to contribute something...monetarily...even if to pay a bill...and investing their money in their goals. Have fun...and pray for me, when I have to cross your bridge:)

Geraldine - posted on 03/28/2010

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Tonya i agree with you 100% that every child over 18 should have a good reason to stay at home good answer.

Tonya - posted on 03/28/2010

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I think it totally depends upon the child and what they are accomplishing by staying home. My oldest will probably live at home until she is 25 or so trying to pay off her college debt before going out on her own. My middle will probably live at home until she is close to 20 as she is 17 and almost done with her cosmetology school and will be saving to pay cash on a good car before moving out. My son will probably be 18 as he is looking to a military career. I feel that each child over the age of 18 should have a good reason to stay home, pay rent, help with household things, and be respectful of the parents home.

Geraldine - posted on 03/28/2010

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Well my 21 and 20 year r moved out. my 20 yr old asked to move back and i refused. its time they stood on there own feet. my 17 yr old lives at home and is on his last year at school he told me he wants to move out at 18 and have his own independants i think they all should move out at 18 it builds character and makes for a better relationship with parents too.If ur daughter is 19 and able to work well its time for her to go and get some back bone and that will be good all round

Diane - posted on 03/28/2010

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I guess it depends on your parenting style and your feelings about parenthood and your kids. If she was 30 and still living at home I'd be worried about it. But a happy, working, helpful 19 year old does not seem like a problem to have at home. I don't understand the rush to get kids out of the house... What is the problem with a 19 year old who enjoys being part of the family? I'd think that was a blessing! I enjoy having my sons around (ages 23 & 18). Soon enough they will be out on their own - and so will your daughter. I'm sure you can 'force' her out if you want to, but I don't understand why you would...

[deleted account]

my kids were graduated high school when they moved out. make it "uncomfortable" for her to stay there. have a chat with her and establish a rent/food charge - especially if she doesn't pay rent or help with groceries or utilities. she's using them and should help to pay for them. she'll probably be upset, but if you've been footing the bill, then she needs to help. this will give her a reason to gain some independence.. good luck!

Celena - posted on 03/28/2010

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As long as she's not causing undue stress and is contributing to the household, I say let her stay until she's ready to go. Hopefully it's only for a short while, not for several years because then you've got a problem. She sounds like she's very responsible, working and helping out, not sitting around being mouthy and lazy. Count yourself lucky.

Lorrie - posted on 03/28/2010

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my daughter moved out when she was 19, she moved in with her boyfrined and she is still going to community college she only works 2 or 3 days a week. I wouldn't suggest she moves out let her build up a nice savings account so that you know she really can survive out in the big bad world. If you and her get along and she follows your rules and respects your house then it's all good let her mature some more, they grow up to fast as it is.

Karen - posted on 03/28/2010

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I was 18 to when i shifted out of home,but my 2 daughters who are 17 and 18 shifted out and then some months later they come back...mm lol, but they pay board-$150 per fortnight and keep the house clean and take turns at cooking the evening meal as I work long hours.
I thought that if i give them extra jobs the would get sick of it and shift back out but my plan has backfired, they have been home for a while now and do enjoy their company(without the fighting)..

Jazz - posted on 03/28/2010

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You are so fortunate, you actually have a child that WANTS to be with you and stay at home. She is still young. Let her do the chores, let her stay, enjoy her company. Too soon she'll be independent and out of home.
She seems a good kid and as a good Mother you need her to have the time to adjust to the big world out there.
Our kids grow up and it is inevitable that she eventually will have her own life, so treasure the time you have.

Margo - posted on 03/27/2010

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Dont push them out too soon. As long as she contributes, don't rush her. My oldest son turns 21 this May. He marries this July. He is a Marine, and finished college last December. Frankly it felt like he moved out the day he left for college. Now my daughter is at school full time. I only have one left at home and find myself anticipating the day he moves out for school as well. I felt a bout with empty nest syndrome with the first two, now I can't wait for it to just be hubby and me. We have had kids in the house for all 22 years of marriage.

Anyway I got off subject. I think the fact that we didnt rush them out, they came to the conclusion to move out on their own. The harder we push, the harder they fight to stay. The harder you try to keep them around, the more they want to get out.

Tracy - posted on 03/27/2010

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I didn't move out till I got married. I mean I left to go to Polytech, then came back home. Worked for two years until I met Mr Right. I mean, why leave when you have it good at home? I paid my parents board, and saved for my wedding, house, what ever.

My kids will have a home here until they are ready to leave.

Dianne - posted on 03/27/2010

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Why is it that we want to chase our children out? My son is 22 and went off to uni at 18 and has never looked back. He is a wonderful, confident young man who loved living in halls and then in a student house. He is now in a house sharing with 5 others and loving it. BUT daughter 19 is still at home and I can't see her moving out for a while, she isn't as confident and quite quiet. She pays rent, does all her own laundry, pays her own bills and does her own thing BUT we have rules and we all stick to them - just like any sharers!.



We are all different, she'll go when she feels ready - a child is for life! (NB: I was 21 when I moved out)

[deleted account]

Your making it too easy for her. I would suggest the book, "9 Ways to Motivate Your Kids to Achieve Drive - Advice From Middle School to College and Beyond." It deals specifically with your issue at hand. Best of luck.

Diane - posted on 03/27/2010

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I see no reason for a 19 year old to move out if she's happy at home, helping or paying rent and not giving you any trouble. Apparently she doesn't feel ready to be out on her own yet. She will learn about real life soon enough... As my friend says, better to let them stay home until they are really ready to leave, rather than leave and have to come home when problems come up.

My 23 yo son recently moved home after finishing college when he found a job closer to home. He had a good job and was making plans to get an apartment in the summer, after paying off a couple of credit cards. 3 weeks ago he had a bad car accident, surgery and he's home recovering, but he's lost his job. I'm so glad he decided to stay home for awhile and get his bearings, because we'd have to be moving him out of that apartment until he recovers and gets another job.

I think kids should stay home until they are steady in their employment and feel ready to be on their own. We're setting a goal now for the end of the year... He'll be 24 by then.

Dawn - posted on 03/27/2010

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I was 19 and I am still at that same job now at 42 so if she has a reliable full time job and insurance as well, she should move out. I think somewhere between 19-21 dpending on your child's situation are reasonable ages. Any child over 21 better be out of the house though :)

Melanie - posted on 03/26/2010

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dont force the issue! if she is a good kid responsible,sensible has a job saves money does your washing......why risk changing that she is only 19 and most other 19 year olds probably dont work disrespect their parents dont save money and wont help around the house......sounds like you have a dream child and you want to possably change that by pushing her out into the BIG BAD WORLD....id leave it be if it was me protect and guide her for A bit longer....it sounds like you have done a great job so far by the way she has turned out.....

Ramona - posted on 03/26/2010

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My dd is turning 16 soon and I always tell her to stay home after college and save her money! Dh and I stayed home until we married at age 25 and had money to put down on out house. I tell her way pay some one else's mortgage?

Alison - posted on 03/26/2010

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I hope thinking will be eighteen. I was twenty when I moved out of my mom's house.

Kay - posted on 03/25/2010

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I hate to say it, but sometimes it just plain better for them to continuing living at home. Be thankful that your child isn't in a rush. When she's ready, she will move out and get on with her own life. In this day and age, a lot of kids are staying with their parents longer.

Cindy - posted on 03/25/2010

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She has no attitude Problem.....



i think she needs to Move in order to see What life is REALLY Like

She is a Great Person

Joan - posted on 03/25/2010

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i would tell her then that if her attitude does not adjust she will need to leave. you have other children to care for do you want to be treated by them the same way she treats you? attitudes are contagious.

good luck

Cindy - posted on 03/25/2010

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She has LOTS Of Savings.....$$

And she has Paid rent before here but now she does the house Laundry as payment instead which is Fine

there is a lot of Laundry there are 6 of us..

Joan - posted on 03/25/2010

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today it seems to be so much harder for a kid to move on their own. the cost of things are extremely high. i have a 23 year old at home. i think as long as she respects your home and follows the house rules there really should not be a rush. have you considered charging her rent? you could start an account to help herstart her own life.

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