How should I negotiate with my mom?

Megan - posted on 04/26/2016 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I am a a teen and I feel like my mom's rules are too strict when it comes to using my phone. I am not allowed to use my phone past 7 pm and I get my laptop taken away at 10 pm. Both of these rules are major problems. I don't mean problems for my social life. I mean problems with school. Teachers expect you to have your phone at all times. For example, if the wi-fi is messed up at the school, the first suggestion is to "use your phone." If someone is absent and needs to be contacted, the first question asked is "Does anyone have their number?" Anyway, I have group chats on my phone that I use for school projects. I ask to use my phone and my mom says yes, but she is constantly asking if she can have it back. I usually need my laptop for homework past 10 pm because typing is much faster on a laptop. I can't just use another computer in the house because I always have to wait for someone else to finish using it. I am an A student and have a social life. I don't know what she wants from me. I've tried to ask my mom to change the rules nicely, but she doesn't care about anything that I have to say. The answer is always no. Since this is a parenting site, how can I negotiate and get a response?

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Megan - posted on 05/07/2016

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I'm just going to address some of the common concerns that the moms seem to have. First of all, the reasons that I have to stay up so late finishing my homework is because some of my teachers are unaware of the fact that they are giving too much work. For example, in math class, I am taught some new concepts the day before a test. In addition to this, because of extracurricular activities, I don't get home until around 6 o'clock and can't start my homework until between 6:30 and 7. I am not allowed to quit the activities, so there is nothing I can do about that. Also, teachers do not require that you have your phone, but it is a natural assumption. Just to clarify.

Jodi - posted on 04/29/2016

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I don't see an issue with these rules. They are perfectly reasonable. I don't believe for a moment that your school expects you to have your phone at all times. No way. I'm a teacher, and it would never be an expectation.

Perhaps, if you have a particular school project you need either of these items for, you could negotiate with your mother and explain the project, what you need it for, and offer to use in under her supervision (i.e. not in your room).

Why do you still have school work to do at 10pm at night? Every night?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/28/2016

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Wow. I must first address the continued assault of cognizant human beings attested to by Ms. Barcelona: my dear person, you have no place taking this young woman to task. At least this young lady lives in a home where she CAN respectfully request different limits, rather than being under your reign. You are an adult, and you can find no better communication method than to abuse and assault your children?

To Megan: you did not state your age, but that is not necessary. You have presented a well thought out post, one which deserves the respect of different opinions. I think, however, that you'll find most parents are in agreement with your folks' methods.

I know many families who do not allow cell phone access past a set time, to allow for things like dinner, homework, and family time. A 10 PM limit on your laptop is also very reasonable limit on a school night. My sons, while in school (and even as seniors), had a 10 PM shutdown time during the week. Good job, BTW, on the grades! Keep that up, and you'll be more likely to work towards a modification of your shut down time on the weekends.

I also agree with Raye's comment on managing time. Your social obligations are second place to homework. You need to be completing that first, then socialize, if you haven't passed your curfew, but there's really no good reason that you should still be doing assignments after 10.

As far as teachers "requiring" you to have ready access to your cellular device...My son tried that with me. It lasted long enough for me to contact his instructor, who informed me that my kid was full if crap, which I already knew. The school district cannot require students to even OWN a phone, much less have 24\7 access. That would be putting less affluent families in an uncomfortable and discriminatory position.

Keep up the good work. After a bit, when your parents see that you are keeping up on your responsibilities, you can respectfully request an extension on time.

Raye - posted on 04/27/2016

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My first question is why are you doing your homework past 10pm? Sounds like you need better time management. Your mom's requests sound reasonable. Get your work done earlier, and then you won't have to worry about it. And good job on being an A student. That's fantastic.

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