How to get a 14yr old boy to help out around the house?

Vicki - posted on 08/22/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I have a 14yr old son who is starting to become difficult. He was helping around the house and now i cant seem to get him to help out. I'm not doing shit he says! I have taken his computer privliages away and told him that until its done he cant go out. He says well we will see about that, and walk out the door. WOW! What the heck is young with young people today? They dont seem to want to take accountability. I find this behavour very disrespectful, Any ideas as to how to get him to continue to help out around the house? Any ideas as to what to do when he takes off to avoid the consenquences?

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Lisa - posted on 08/22/2012

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I sure would not reward him. He should do it because he was told. Take his computer.... Take a picture of it...... Put it for sale and tag him on Facebook so he knows he is getting ready to really loose it.

Go in his room when he is not home and take all things off his wall, take his door off and take anything that makes him happy and pack it up. Tell him you will not give him back any of this till he learns he can not talk to you like that and he will be lucky to breathe your oxygen if he keeps it up.

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[deleted account]

Hi, Vicki!

It was just a thought... Some cities have the scared straight program in place, I'm sad to hear that yours does not....

I didn't realize it was you until I hit the "post" button - lol.

Outstanding choice about the cable and gaming system! I have done a similar thing with my daughter's electronics. I took the power strip that everything plugs into, and made her surrender her cell phone when she's not at school (so that emergency contact ability is still in place to and from). I've never gone as far as removing the door to her room, but she knows it is an option I could take at any time. Progressively taking things away seems to work well - the more important the thing, the more effective the results seem to be.

Does he do his own laundry? If not, then he should start... If you do it currently, you could just not do it, and tell him you didn't feel like it. My daughter expected that I would go into her room and gather her laundry. For a while, I did, and would remind her that she needed to do it by x time on x day of the week. When she forgets, her laundry doesn't get done. When mine became a teen, my focus shifted from, "It's my job to take care of you," to "It's NOT my job to take care of you anymore - it's my job to teach you to take care of yourself." Part of learning to take care of yourself as a teen includes participating in the care of the household. If you tow the line and do what is asked, when it's asked of you, you get the rewards of having cool things. If you don't participate, you don't reap the rewards.

Vicki - posted on 08/23/2012

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Hi Janet, Thanks for the sugestion. Seems like the more phone calls i make the more people offer me to go to parenting class. Seems like ther is nothing out there that forces teens into any prgrams themselves. Frustrating!

Vicki - posted on 08/23/2012

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Hi Lisa. Thank you for your response and sugestion. I agree with you I am to the point that I dont think I should have to pay him. I feel like he is part of this family and as a member of this family he should help out were all a team! I use to give a allowance but he stopped doing his chores so therefore he doesnt get paid. I have'nt been able to get him to help out on a regular basis since! He will walk the dog take out the garbage and go to the store for us on in awhile but i cant get him to wash the dishes, vaccum or clean the bathroom etc etc...

Last night I sat him down and told him that things were going to change around here. I told him that I did'nt feel like I should have to do all the cleaning myself and that I am going to have his help. He then told me flat out NO I will not be doing these things if i dont feel like it! I told him that if he didnt there would be consenquesnces. He then said, " Mom if I dont want to do something i dont have to, and if i do i will get to it when i feel like it. So you better just get use to that" Can you believe this!!!! WOW! After this heated discussion I walked away to cool down. I sat there thinking I have 3 kids he's the youngest and now i have all 3 disrespecting me and stopping on the rules of the house. I now have all 3 thinking that they cant be punished. I felt like this is enough no more! I figured i would try something that I never did with the previous 2. I figure I pay the cable bill the computer etc etc..why should he continue to enjoy these things after he breaks rules or talk to me in a disreceptable way? This talk i had with my son was before i was going to bed so he thought i would go to bed while he stayed up to watch tv....Well i went back out there and took out all the wires out from behind the tv and carried it into my room, took his xbox too! The computer had a password so he wont be going on that anytime soon. Today I will be having a chat with him to discuss rules consenquences and respect

Vicki - posted on 08/23/2012

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Hi Michelle, Thank you for the response and the sugestion. We did offer a allowance and the allowance does'nt seem to be enough to keep him modivated.

[deleted account]

The movie "Scared Straight" comes to mind. You could make a phone call or two to your local authorities, and see if they have a program of that nature in place for problem children. You might be able to arrange for a deputy to come out and pretend to arrest him for his juvenile delinquency - give him a tour of the precinct, and put him in a cell for a while... let him make that one call - to you - and lay down the law... you'll come get him if he tows the line.

Michelle - posted on 08/22/2012

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Instead of taking away his computer or grounding him, pay him. I give my son a certain amount each week to help out around the house, babysit his little sister if need be and keep his living area clean. With him money talks and as long as he can see his money growing he does what needs to be done.

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