Husband wants sex, show me the $$$....

Starr - posted on 01/25/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Okay so here is the deal, my husband is so controlling with the money. He treats me as if I were one of our teenagers. I do work and bring in my own money but I pay out at least 50% of my take home on car payments and gas, not to mention I pay all our insurances, food for five, cheer expenses for two kids and clothes for myself and three kids. I don't have anything left after all this. Also I have been receiving my paychecks late because of cash flow issues at my company. He makes way more extra money than I do, when I check his checking account there is anywhere from $5k to $10k at any given moment. Would it really kill him to kick down a couple hundred here and there?

So I saw a therapist last month and he mentioned what leverage I had that can be used when my husband acts like a douche and I honest couldn't answer, I had nothing. He doesn't care about too much as long as he gets to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it, which he always does, I have no control over that. I can simply not be around when he needs to leave and has the baby but he will just leave her with our teenagers or drop her off at the sitters so that doesn't work. Or if someone needs to be picked up and he doesn't want to do it he just calls me, if I can't or refuse, then he leaves them there until I get a phone call and am forced to do it. He could care less about dinner or stuff like that. We seriously don't have sex but once every few months. He has been making comments lately about it like if I do X he will let me buy Y. I'm thinking if he's pushing for sex more often, he needs to provide me with spending money and help with my expenses as well:) Crazy I know....

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Dana - posted on 01/29/2013

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First of all thanks for sharing. As I was reading this post I could hear you speak through your words.As if you started typing and then maybe started venting. I hope you feel better by getting this all out. Yes i'm sure seeking help through therapy or trying new tactics to get through to each other might take some time to work. Or even addressing the "real" issue. Blah blah blah ....Right? My advice to you is simple, have him read your post. Print it out if you have to. And then start to talk. You have laid it out loud and clear for us to understand. Sometimes men don't even know there is a problem. And they don't really comprehend things to easily......

Patricia Ann - posted on 01/29/2013

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I know people on here can be very mean and it sucks, but I hear you and if it were me and nothing else worked then I would beat him at his own game haha you are married to him so how can you be a prostitute?others didnt notice that this is his behavior towards you and you will just use this to your advantage and be able to exit the relationship with it since it dosent seem to good of a relationship anyway that maybe you are tired of this and are ready to leave it...

Starr - posted on 01/29/2013

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LOL! Thank you very much.

Some people can be so mean, I posted this elsewhere and was called a prostitute, childish, my marriage is completely screwed, my therapist is a fake and I am unwilling to work on anything.

Patricia Ann - posted on 01/29/2013

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well its time to perform to get that money raise the price on him then when you get what you need then leave,sounds mean but in the end you can put an end to this until he learns to be there for you and your children....

Starr - posted on 01/28/2013

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I completely agree, it's just I really don't know what else to do. I feel completely at a loss, barely hanging on some days. He won't talk about anything, he uses our kids as a shield against any real discussion or just leaves as soon as it turns into something he doesn't want to talk about which is most everything. He refuses couples counseling even though his insurance will pay for it, my insurance does not cover counseling. I cannot afford to go to counseling for myself, it's all I can do to keep up with the medical bills on two of my kids who seem to have ongoing health issues. I do see a doctor every 4-6 weeks for anxiety med checks but nothing on a weekly basis. I don't really feel I am in a position to leave at this time, I feel so trapped. Every time I need help with something or ask him for a little financial help he wants something in return. "I'll pay if you play" or "cash on doggy style". I know it's degrading but at this point I feel I have no choice and may as well use it to my advantage. I feel like one of his kids being forced into playing his childish games, everything has conditions attached.

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I don't think using sex as leverage for spending money is a good idea. Frankly, it sounds like you and your husband have some serious problems. First of all, you need to discuss your finances. There should be a plan that you can both agree upon. My husband and I don't have any separate money at all - everything is joint. That's not for everyone, but keeping all money separate is not really fair, especially if one partner has primary responsibility for the kids and thus has less earning potential.

Beyond the financial issues, there's no way your husband should just be dropping your kids off somewhere or leaving them when they need to be picked up because he has something better to do. That's not the way a responsible father acts.

Starr - posted on 01/25/2013

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Sorry, did not mean to post this here, but feel free to respond just no bashing please. LOL..

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