I cannot control my 15 year old daughter.

Nexusflame - posted on 08/01/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

3

0

2

My daughter lies, steals, and is taking naked photos/vidoes of herself and sending them to adult males in the area and all over the country. Nothing I do seems to stop it. She's failed 9th grade because she was refusing her homework and hiding her progress reports. I've taken away the TV, computer, and basically everything and it does not phase her in the least. I changed her phone to a flip phone so she did not have internet access on there but I found out she was using it to text men all over the country sexually as well. That was taken away too. Nothing seemed to work because she would always find access some how. Either at the public library or at school. I have no control over if/when she has access to those sources so I'm unable to do anything about that. I also found out that she was using the phone of the 11 year old girl she was babysitting to download apps to look for sex and was using it to have sexual conversations with men. She even went so far as to involve the 3 children she was babysitting (ages 11, 9, and 6 ), showing them her text conversations and explaining to them what it was about. The mother fired her but didn't press charges. I even went so far as to call the police myself.. and they said flat out there's NOTHING they can do. She wouldn't be arrested and odds are they would never find anything to charge her on. All they said was they could open an investigation in to the other men and file charges against them but while that would be a great thing.. that doesn't solve the problem with my daughter. She doesn't see ANY punishment for what she's done/doing. Even if we take away every single freedom she has.. it has zero impact. No amount of counseling has helped either. My fiance is pregnant with diabetes and the stress has kept her glucose levels over 130 even with insulin. She wants my daughter out because she can't be trusted, she's ruining our relationship, and she's a threat to children (as you can see above). Nobody in my family can take her either. I'm at a loss. I love my daughter but we cannot survive with her.

Her mother is out of the picture as well.. legally not even allowed to have contact with her because of things she did while my daughter was an infant (not going to go in to details and no.. my daughter doesn't know the details about what happened to her but does understand the circumstances).

Yes I understand that this is a forum for "Mom's" but technically I've been both father and mother to her for her entire life. I figure that I would get better input from other moms. It's not easy being a single parent.

4 Comments

View replies by

Michelle - posted on 08/06/2015

20

1

0

Have you tried any kind of counseling outside the home. They could hold her for 72 hours and run numerous test to see if she has any mental issues causing her behavior too. It seems mean but my friend did this for her daughter and found out she was bipolar and she was put on the proper medications and is a whole new person she is doing great.

Nexusflame - posted on 08/01/2015

3

0

2

We have tried everything... and while at the beginning it seems to go well, it's just a ruse. She does what she has to in order to basically pacify us so she can continue doing what she does without our knowledge. We're both tired of it. My fiance's health is suffering which means the baby is suffering as well. As for me, I lose a lot of sleep over it, literally, which means my performance at work suffers as well. She honestly does not care about anyone around her or what happens to them as long as she gets what she wants. She knows better, she knows exactly what she's doing. When she's confronted about her actions, she just refuses to talk, just stands there with a look of "ugh is this over yet?" and then just goes back to doing what ever she wants. At her age there's literally nothing we can do at all it seems. Legally here, nothing she's doing she can be held accountable for so there's no consequences for her. She knows that as well. Short of just keeping her in her room that's pretty much the extent of any kind of punishment that can be applied at this point, but that would have no effect either. She just sits there and bides her time until she's out... of course when we're at work it doesn't matter anyways because we're not there to keep an eye on her for 9 hours. She's basically alienated herself from her entire family (my mom, sisters, brother, cousins, etc...) none of them want anything to do with her because they know she'll take advantage of them the first chance she gets.

It seems like a losing battle for my fiance and I. I just sit here and wonder what I did wrong or what I could have done to prevent this. I think back to when I was a kid, yeah I had a computer and access to being "online" (though there was no commercial internet at the time) and I think "if I did something like this how would my parents handle this?" of course the action is several rounds across the backside with a belt and being confined to my room for a few weeks. Harsh but effective. These days, that's not really an option. Corporal punishment seems taboo. Kids and teens seem to know this as well, the first hand across the face or backside and it's a call to child protective services.... remove everything from their room and keep them in there? same thing. I've heard multiple caseworkers state that it's "tantamount to solitary confinement in prison and considered abuse". I've asked them what I can do and it's always the same story... oh talk to her, get counseling, etc...etc... I've tried those routes and nothing has come of it. She's smart enough to play along with the counselor while she's there. She's able to manipulate the conversations in her favor. She's basically a monster now =(

Now my fiance refuses to talk to her or even acknowledge she's even there. She wants nothing to do with my daughter and honestly I can't blame her. While she's not physically abusive.. she's emotionally and mentally abusive to everyone around her and we can't live like this, especially my fiance who's has a very high risk pregnancy.

Tanya - posted on 08/01/2015

287

0

27

It's not easy to be a father to a 15 year old girl, especially one without a mother.

I was wondering if your wife ever tried to take care of the problem, or talk to her, see what she can do.

I feel that she may be trying to fill a void. I'm not saying this is your fault at all...but young teens often have conflicting feelings, confusion on life and who they are and basically want/need attention...

Have you tried to include her in the excitement of the new baby? Do you treat her like a 15 year old or more like a little child? Have you explained the consequences to what she is doing, I mean the consequences of what can happen to her and how devastated you would be if anything did happen to her. Have you asked her about her future plans? Like maybe really have a talk and maybe a "daddy and me day" weekly.

It's hard but you'll get through this...it's just a phase...remember the sleepless nights, that was just a phase too!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms