I don't know what to do anymore....

Donna - posted on 11/07/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

93

12

17

My 14 year old son refuses to do any school work. He smokes pot, cigarettes, and cuts classes. He is on PINS from running away, we have seen social workers, psychiatrists, psychologists, he has gone for drug rehab, family therapy, individual counselling...HELP! Nothing seems to get thru to him. He is failing school, and ruining his life. I actually slept on the floor by the front door the other night to prevent him from sneaking out. I am desparate.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Louise - posted on 11/10/2011

5,429

69

2322

i am afraid most teenage boys do not do there homework and play truant, but most do not smoke pot. How is he getting it? Is there a family member that lives a way away that you could send him to for a while to break his friends habit. Lads do not smoke on there own or play truant on there own so break the circle of friends and send him away. Ask a reliable family member to have him for a month and transfer his school. He will have a wappy about it but it is for his own good. Tell him if he ups his grades you will consider having him back in the house if he does not he will have to stay. He will do what he can to get back to his social life as fast as he can, or he will run away, but come home it is the risk you have to take. You can not continue like this you will make yourself ill. If you can't do this then the only other option that works is to go to class with him and just follow him all day every day. When you have done a week of this then put him on report from every class, this means he has to have the signature from each teacher in his book or you go back to class with him. The schools in the uk don't mind you sitting in if it means there truancy records go down. Fight his social habits with you and he will soon tow the line. Take cigaretes away from him he is under age and lighters and such every time you find them.

Lisa - posted on 11/07/2011

9

0

0

Take him out of your home. Give him tough love and let him go until he cleans up his act. Let him stay with someone else, or simply call the police every time he breaks the law. Jail is a good place for your bad child.

7 Comments

View replies by

Dian - posted on 11/09/2011

14

30

0

wow I understand I think we all go through this mine is now 16 and finally understanding the mistakes that he made no cigarette but weed and drinking never snuck out at night. There is so much peer pressure out there with going to highschool and parents having less time to spend with them. Mine problems started when I seperated from his father. I limited his money drove him every where and picked him up. I told him I couldn't stop him from doing it but he needed to be safe and his friends needed to know that it was okay to call me if he drank to much. He started to become himself during this summer. Stand strong they do growup.

Donna - posted on 11/09/2011

93

12

17

Thank-you all for your advice. I have been speaking with the school: first he was mainstream, then they put him in inclusion classes, now he is in contained classes, and they are talking about getting him a one-on-one aide. He is above average intelligence - just doesn't want to work. I also have looked into boot camps etc. They cost 9 to 12K for a 12 week summer program - way beyond my means. We are going to a drug rehab program - and his tests last week were clean! which is great! but its not so much the pot smoking that concerns me, as the mentality, attitude, crazy thinking, impulsive behavior, melodrama, willfullness, sense of entitlement - etc. that concerns me. I have read books about ADD, ODD, RAD, and am applying the parenting techniques the best I can. The louder he gets, the quieter I get. My husband and I are firm. There are consequences. He is held accountable. We are logical. Just when we think we are making progress, he sneaks out again, or gets into trouble in school. Nothing seems to get thru. I am thinking of putting him in a residential treatment program - that does psychological therapy.

Jacinda - posted on 11/09/2011

2

21

0

I am going through a similar situation with my 15 year old daughter. I have been contemplating sending her to stay with her grandmother who lives in a rural area but even the therapist said that may not solve the problem - kids will always find a way and drugs are as prevalent in the suburbs as they are in the city.

Sadly when anyone - child or adult - goes through these types of problems they are not reachable until they hit their rock bottom and that is different for every person. Have you tried looking into some type of boot camp or scared straight program? What about the friends he hangs out with? I have alienated my daughter from a few of her friends simply by ratting them out to their parents. Of course, my daughter is still struggling so I'm afraid I don't have any more answers than you do.

I know how hard it can be that despite your best efforts as a parent you cannot prevent your children from making really stupid mistakes with their lives. Good luck & stay strong.

Talea - posted on 11/07/2011

95

43

13

My advise to you would be to strip him of any and all priveges. Do NOT yell, when he comes home go through ALL his possesions take out all his stuff from his room leaving only his clothes and bed - take the door down. He needs to work for what he has. If this doesn't work my only advise after that would be boot camp or something similar. Good luck. Just know that the louder you get the less they care what you say. Get quiet. They won't respect yelling and screaming. (I'm not saying that you are - just from my own experience with my 19, and 17 year olds.)

Marcia - posted on 11/07/2011

1

0

1

I am sooooo sorry for you. My daughter was a "Handful" at about that age, but it looks like you have take MANY GREAT steps to work through things. Is the school helpful? You know this, but YOU MUST go to school and let teachers and principal know YOU are trying and you need help. Are YOU getting counseling yourself? Any groups at a Family Center for parents/kids in your situation? I wish I knew an answer, but do NOT be afraid to get tough...it is so hard at that age...Marcia

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms