I grounded my 14 year old for talking back to me...

Chris - posted on 09/17/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

2

0

0

Is this too much? As of the last few months he has had such an attitude and lack of respect for me. I don't like the tone he uses either. I decided it's time to put an end to this so tonight I said to him "I hate to see your room this messy" and he replies "cool mom" and with a very sarcastic attitude. I flew off the handle and grounded him for a week. He says to me, are you seriously grounding me because you think I had an attitude? I said yes I am. But...the more I think on it I'm not sure if that was the best way to handle it. Any suggestions from you ladies? What would you have done?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Francine956 - posted on 09/17/2012

42

7

25

Chris you are not alone! I have been in this same scenario with my teenage son who is now 16. Let me start off by saying when he hit about 13 he started to change. The attitude and lack of respect is what upset me, just like it has you. But looking back at those times and after having plenty of pillow talk with the husband, I finally came to realize that it was just a phase. My husband helped to put it in perspective, by explaining that this is the time in a young boys life when they are trying to discover their identity, their place in the world. He is trying to figure out how to become a man in this world. I do agree the lack of respect should not be tolerated, but you have to go about it in a way that reaches your son. For instance, was it the room that really irritated you or was it the attitude?

This phase will last a good year or so, at least it did for my son. Once I finally learned how to approach the situation it did make things a little easier. So the next time he begins with the sarcasm, just tell him you don't appreciate it and would like it if he could just give you a simple yes or no, or whatever one word response will suffice for the situation. Although I felt like we were distancing ourselves, it proved to work most of the time. On those occasions he wanted more conversation I would happily join in! If you give him the space he needs and let him know that you understand he is growing up and maybe going through some changes you can also let him know you still want to be respected just as he does. Most importantly when he does respond without sarcasm tell him you appreciate it! Positive reinforcement goes a long way!

I am happy to say that my son and I now have an amazing relationship, but it was only because of the understanding and work I put into it. Perhaps a good way to reapproach your son is to tell him that you over-reacted because you were upset at the way he talked to you. Let him know that respect is a two way street. Perhaps you could let him off grounding this time but set some ground rules, such as what I have mentioned above.

Even if he doesn't appreciate it now, he will remember how you responded during these situations. I hope this help a little. Be patient and understanding and confide in those whom you trust to talk about what is going on or else you will drive yourself crazy and your son and that won't be good for either of you.

5 Comments

View replies by

Jordan - posted on 11/01/2014

20

0

2

Well, I have a 14 year old daughter and when she does something bad, such as swear or stay to long at her boyfriends house, I don't ground her, I give her a warning and if she does it again she gets a second warning. If she makes it to a third warning she gets grounded. Simple as that.

Laura - posted on 10/09/2013

1

0

0

Oh I feel for you sister! I have a 14 year old son too, and what you are going through is EXACTLY what I'm going through. Its horrible, that TONE!!! It kills me! Yes you did the right thing, or at least I think you did. I took away my son's phone and ipod for a week, Oh but that tone comes back......I'm thinking of having a Tone Jar. Everytime that tone comes back, a token or penny, bean, etc. goes into the jar. Guess what happens at allowance time? MmmHmmm. Each token is worth $1.00. You could even vary it by giving him the known consequence before hand, then every time he uses the dreaded tone, a token goes in to the jar. Representing how many days he has that consequence. Each finished day you take one token out. If theres only one, its over, if he keeps using tone, the days keep adding up.

I don't know what happens to their ability to think before they open their mouths to speak....It cant be that hard to stop using that tone because I KNOW he's not using it with this teachers, friends' parents, neighbors, or with anyone else for that matter!! (well except for siblings). To everyone else they have a filter. Stay strong. Let him know that you aren't backing down. That's the worse thing you can do! Good Luck! Let me know how it goes!

Sue - posted on 09/17/2012

2

0

1

My 14 year old has also been displaying revolting behaviour the last few months. I have done the same thing as you in the heat of the moment. Just make sure you follow it through. I'm speaking from personal experience because I have threatened alot of the time and not carried through with it. Being a parent is bloody tough going. I have been trying to not lose it in the heat of the moment and only threaten things I know for sure that I can carry through with. Good luck!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms