I hate my daughter's ex-boyfriend

Peggy - posted on 04/18/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

3

0

0

My daughter was dating a boy for 4 months and he started treating her badly. He became disrespectful, and rude and childish. Right before senior prom he broke up with her, and used a bunch of lies as his excuse. I know some people that are aware of his situation and life and I know for a fact the reasons he gave her were lies. He said he was going to pick up more hours at work (he didn't) He said he had stress with college (don't they all?) but basically his major excuse was he was "too busy" for her. She is naive, and believed him. I know better. He goes out with his friends constantly, works out at the Y, and has all the time he needs for other things. I found out after they broke up he was cheating on her, and also 3 days after he broke up with her he hooked up with some other girl on a party bus. It is very obvious to me this boy moved on way before he actually broke up with my daughter but he didn't respect her enough to tell the truth.
The problem now is my daughter has to watch him "move on" right in front of her. She sees him finding time for all the things that are a priority to him, she hears about him being with other girls, but she still won't talk badly of him. This makes me furious. The fact that she defends him and acts like he is some saint makes me so angry. My being 50 I know a liar when I see one, but she is still fooled by him. How do I get her to see this kid for who he really is? A lying manipulator? He had sex with many girls before he met my daughter and my daughter would not have sex with him. I am convinced that is the real reason he broke up with her, because he didn't want to waste time on a girl he couldn't get sex from.
I just hate him for lying to her, I hate him for cheating on her, I hate the fact that the day he broke up with her he went on with his life like she never existed. He hasn't spoken a word to her in the month since they broke up. It just pains me to see someone she cared so much about treat her so badly. I sent him a facebook message telling him how disappointed my husband and I are how badly he treated her. My daughter became very upset about this but I grew up where parents weren't afraid to chew out kids who deserve it. He was rude, disrepsectful and lied and I felt I had the right to tell him so. How do I get over hating him so much?

5 Comments

View replies by

Kristi - posted on 04/19/2013

1,355

3

78

I hear you loud and clear! She sounds like me in my last marriage only I chose to ignore it because I thought I couldn't do any better! Gawd!

What about getting her interested in a new hobby? Maybe you and she could take yoga together. I have heard nothing but amazing things about what it does for your mind, body and soul. You may both even make a new friend or two there.

Do you know anyone who has like a college aged girl that might be willing to take your daughter under her wing. Kind of like a Big Brother/Big Sister thing. She might be more apt to listen to a girl who's "just" been there and she might be able to convince her to drop his sorry ass from FB and Twitter, among other things.

I know I'd want to string him up by his toenails and give him a few nics so the rats would come and do him like he's done your daughter. No doubt, whatsoever.

I sincerely wish I had better advice. But, the standard cliches, time heals all wounds and this too shall pass are annoyingly accurate. I'm truly sorry for the pain you're both going through. Maybe the poop is not such a bad idea after all! ♥

Peggy - posted on 04/19/2013

3

0

0

Thank you Kristl, I appreciate your comments. I guess I get so angry because I feel she is defenseless against how he treats her. She is way too trusting of people, even when they don't deserve her trust. She thinks everyone is good, and I feel this will not help her to be successful in life. I'm worried about her because you hear about people going through one bad relationship after another and I don't want her life to be miserable. She is naive too. All she had to do was look at his twitter and she could see wildly inappropriate interactions with some other girl (the one who he ended up cheating with). She doesn't see the red flags staring her in the face, she is not suspicious, even when she should be, and yes it's very sad for a beautiful, smart, kind girl to have to "put out" in order to keep a boyfriend. He flaunts his disrespect publicly, hooking up with a couple girls on a party bus two days after he broke up with her, in front of all her friends.
I know in my mind he is worthless, but I wish more than anything he wasn't a part of her life and circle of friends. How he has acted after he broke up with her hurts her just as much as the breakup. He is so disrespectful. I wish she would unfollow him on twitter, and block him on facebook but she hasn't. I know I need to focus elsewhere, but it's so hard when you see someone mess up your child the way this guy has done, and take zero responsibility for his actions.

Kristi - posted on 04/19/2013

1,355

3

78

I don't blame you for wanting this guys marbles in a jar but maybe you should try focusing your attention elsewhere, not that that would be easy but if your daughter is truly ignorant to his behavior and wrong doing and is emotionally stable and ok with things (probably not happy, but not pining away or depressed) then leave it alone.

Even if she does have negative feelings, she needs to learn how to cope with these kinds of feelings. High school romances rarely last and one cheating on the other is fairly common. It sucks ass, bad. I am not looking forward to my daughter's first break-up because I'm not known for my positive coping skills nor my forgiving nature, when it comes to matters where someone has hurt a friend or family member.

I may be wrong, I'd like to see what others say, but I think it's better she believes he was too busy than because she didn't put out. At least temporarily. I wouldn't want her to think, "That's all I have to do to get him back?" or make her think that all guys just want the same thing so she'll have decide to put out or be left out. Like I said, I haven't been down this road yet. I've had issues with self esteem and confusing sex with love so I could be way off base here.

Once she has time to heal and is back on top of her game, she'll realize what a douche bag he really is and she'll be able to hold her head high and be proud she remained a lady. She won't feel the need or the insecurity about maybe having sex with the next guy for fear of losing him, too.

I have done absolutely nothing to answer your question. I'm a dink! lol Really, I don't know. Put a flaming bag of dog poop on his door step and hope he answers the door...and otherwise, ignore him and focus on your daughter. You're giving a teenage boy too much control over your 50 year old woman life. He doesn't deserve your attention. Good luck, momma! Keep me posted so I'll know what to do in a few years! ; )

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms