I have a 14year old daughter, we used to be so close and now it seems like we are strangers, what happened to my little baby

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Chris - posted on 01/13/2014

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We are in the same boat Teresa. My 14 years old daughter hates us most of the time or acctally me. We use to be able to talk about everything now she really hates me: all evil comes from me! But as soon she needs to talk about something tricky she comes to me and I listen, never judge ( so so hard). I am so happy to read al stories here from the moms and hopefully she will be become better, and I do understand it. I am just scarred that something's will happen and I can not be there to rescue her. I know this sounds so stupid! agree but it is my feeling.

Kim - posted on 01/10/2014

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I am feeling your pain. My 14 year old daughter and I use to be the best of friends, but now she pushes me away, prefers to confide in other mothers (might add these mum's that are so cool, allow their kids to have parties and drink with them). I'm just a stick in the mud! I don't understand! and am too strict because I won't allow parties with drinking teens at my house (mind you if she gets to a party its because she has slept over a friends house and gotten busted through facebook posts).
I honestly feel like I am loosing the battle myself! but I am constantly reassured that its a faze. Loving this age myself ... Not :(
But there's hope, my friend and her daughter went through a very bumpy ride between the ages of 13 - 16, she's 17 now and their bond and closeness is becoming better, her daughter is opening up more, they are doing more and more together and by reading other peoples responses on this post it does seem like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I wish you luck and will continue to follow this post to get my own idea's on what to do :)

Meg - posted on 04/29/2009

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I have a 23 yr. old daughter. We did not get along from ages 13-18. By that I mean it was BBBAAAD! She wasn't into drugs or alcohol, just antagonistic in the extreme- usually only with me. By the time she turned 19-20, she was realizing that i wasn't public enemy #1. Now we are very good friends and have a very open relationship. It was so hard going from her being my"baby" to a hostile teen.(I really wanted to send her away a few times, as we had some major altercations). It definitely passes.( she has 2 younger brothers.)

Massa - posted on 04/29/2009

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You're not alone the "pulling away" is very normal. Think back to your teen years: Did you want to hang with mom, or with your friends? I think most of us wanted to hang with friends. it can be hard but they will come around when their about 18.

TL - posted on 04/29/2009

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You're not alone, my daughter is now 16 and she's a great girl but she's not interested in being a Mamma's girl anymore which is very typical of this age, they need their space as we did at this age. You almost have to have a tough shell to get through these "fun years" and be a Mom and not a friend. It can be hard but they will come around when their about 18. I try to find things of common interest even if I'm not totally wild about it so we spend quality time together.

This works for us.

Karen - posted on 04/29/2009

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i agree with terri rowe. also, i don't believe in punishment as all it did for me at that age was make me sneakier. rather have her talk through where this action will lead. that way my kids feel they can tell me what is really going on and that i will let them do what they will but it is their lives that will be affected. at 14, 15 and 16 they don't drink, smoke or have sex even though their is peer pressure. i bought condoms and put them in a drawer so if they need them they can get them. now they aren't "getting away with" anything. i think the distance comes because kids feel if they ask/tell things to us parents they will get shut down, grounded etc. it's not so much they want to do these things as thy want to feel grown up and thry don't know how so they reach for grown up actions.

Terri - posted on 04/29/2009

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The "pulling away" is very normal. Think back to your teen years: Did you want to hang with mom, or with your friends? I think most of us wanted to hang with friends. We didn't talk much to our parents. Keep the lines of communication open. One thing that really works well with my daughter and I is texting each other. I swear I have had more text conversations with my daughter in the last three days than I have verbal. Long car rides alone work well too. Make sure you have a day set aside that's just for her. A little shopping (set boundaries before you go...a shirt, a pair of jeans, shoes, keep it within your budget), lunch, anything she holds an interest in...no matter how boring it is to you, that activity is important to her.



Best of luck!

Kimberly - posted on 04/28/2009

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I really wish my Mom would not have been so afraid when I was growing up. She was a single mother and worked in corperate america and I think that her daily challanges at work left her too exhausted to deal properly with her home life. Though I was the onIy child, was out of control. I was basically raised by my peers because we spent so much time with each other discussing and acting out life issues. I did'nt even bother going to my mom because I felt that I had all of the answers I needed. When she completly lost control of me and was no longer able to disipline me, she I guess, gave up. I was'nt a hard core "thug" but I believe my situation could have been worse if the wrong people would have gotten ahold of me at that point in life.



As I stated in a previous post, I experimented with alcohol, I was having sex, and I was sneaking out to parties with older children and my mother had absoluly NO clue. I eventually ended up pregnant at 17, dropped out of high school in my junior year, and never thought at that point of what and how I wanted my future to be.



I'm 35 years old now, and I am able to reflect on my wrong doings. I also understand why I made the mistakes that I made. Now Im able to notice simular patterns or situations with my daughter and i am able to counteract those things. I am very OPEN with her. I talk to her about everything and try to create dialogue. Sometimes she dose'nt want to hear anything that I have to say. That's fine, and she has that option shes human. But I don't allow that to stop me. I just think of myself at that age and won't allow myself to give up the way that my mother did because it became to overwhelming for her.

Dannielle - posted on 04/21/2009

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she is going through a pharse it will pass once all teenagers go through it let her know that you are still there for her when she needs you the most

Lisa - posted on 04/21/2009

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I have a 14 yr old daughter and we have always been real close too but lately she is acting different towards me. I know she is just going through that teenage transition but i sure don't like it!! I'm trying to remember when i was her age. It's nice to hear stories from other moms.I do look at her text messages sometimes and glad i did, i found some that were not real good and I took her phone and grounded her.She later came to me and said she understood why I did it and thanked me for caring.

Mimi - posted on 04/20/2009

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What a good job you've done. Your daughter is growing up and feels confident enough to take her first stabs at independance. Relax, make attempts to ask about her day. Tell her that you are interested. Keep an open line of communication.

[deleted account]

I DEFINALTY agree with Johanne....and could have not said it better. I also say, try thinking back when you were younger....i can recall feeling the same way at 13....then, BAM....at around 18/19 years old, i realized my mom is the wises, most honest person i know....i trust and value her opinion THE MOST!!! Give it time and PRAYERS :) I have a 13yr old boy who is starting this phase and an 11yr old girl that is not far behind; so I am trying to prepare myself too!!!! Good Luck!

Teresa - posted on 04/19/2009

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Thanks Guys, it's good to know we're not alone going through the teenager years again xx

Johanne - posted on 04/19/2009

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Just give her some space. She will come back to you. Pay attentions to the few times she feels like talking, but don't pry. She will open up if she doesn't feel like you are intruding on her privacy. My son is 13 and going through the same thing. My daughter is 16 so I have been there.

Johanne - posted on 04/19/2009

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Just give her some space. She will come back to you. Pay attentions to the few times she feels like talking, but don't pry. She will open up if she doesn't feel like you are intruding on her privacy. My son is 13 and going through the same thing. My daughter is 16 so I have been there.

Beatrice - posted on 04/19/2009

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Hi teresa, I have a 17 yr old son. He is never home. He was recently diagnosed with "depressive mood disorder". I read an article in my hometown papers that this generation of teenagers suffer this and sometimes it goes undiagnosed. My son is going for help. He now communicates with me.

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