I have to vent about my teen girls on facebook.

Queen - posted on 08/16/2011 ( 79 moms have responded )

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I don't believe a child should have a facebook page and this is why. I try to give direction and set morals for my kids. Then they are influenced by others outside the home. Then they don't hear what mama and daddy has to say. What's that about? I am a christian mom who is very involved with extra curricular activities with my kids. But I still have to deal with this issue of them hiding their facebook page and talking in code. Times have really changed. Does anyone else deal with this if so what do you do about it?

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Wendy - posted on 08/16/2011

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I understand what you are saying, however at some point in time they will be influenced by what they see or hear at school or mall or any other social gathering.....if you never allow them to be exposed to these things how are they to know how to cope......i think exposure with your guidence would more bennificial to them....eg:Facebook page with limits..i moniter my girls online activity somewhat and we discuss things i see or read giving my advice or opinion while listening to there take on it also......give them rules no profanity, no bulling, if nothing nice to say dont, dont add anybody they dont know personaly, this has generated alot of good discussions between me and my daughters...and there learning..use it as a learning tool....

Wendy - posted on 08/17/2011

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They hide there fb page that is grounds for me to shut them down ....my girls know this. my girls are and post on my page and i theres...they still have private messages if they wish to talk about private things with there girlfriends and so they should, Dont you? But honestly they can still hide things and will from you. this you have no control over......when small children you had all the control but now with teenagers they have control of there lives.....Trust them, Believe in them, you did your job right, at this point you are a Guide and a soft place to fall....Just my opinion.

Renee - posted on 08/19/2011

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I require my teens to give me their passwords so they can't block me from seeing stuff. Also, most of my daughter's friends have actually "friended" me on facebook too, so if they post something out of line, I send them a private message saying that obsenities are not ok on their pages so please remove the post. All computers are in one room, so we can watch them. I also have a program called KidsWatch that actually emails me every word they type on instant message in every social network you can imagine daily. No secrets. As for the cryptic language, is it that text language? If so, I'm sure the internet has a site to translate for you. If not, tell your kids that you have to know what it means right away, no pauses for them to think of an excuse either, then they can lie. If they don't obey, then I remove the hard drive from our computer, take away their phones that can go online, and they are grounded. Period.

YOU are the boss, not them. I'm Pentecostal Christian myself, really strong beliefs and strict too. The kids go to youth group activities there and it helps them "get it."

Never forget, you are the boss, you can take facebook away very easy. And get one of those programs to monitor their activities online. These days, we need to spy on our kids. Sad truth. But my kids know that I see everything (and my mom does too! She's my backup spy!).

Good luck!

Tracy - posted on 08/18/2011

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All three of my girls have facebook pages as well as her dad and myself. They are friends with many of our friends. We have a rule in our house for anyone under the age of 18. ALL computer passwords are to be turned in (written down in a password book) BEFORE going on the computer. This includes family, friends and foster care kids. The computer is set in the front room so that we can see what is going on. There are punishments set for giving wrong passwords or changing passwords without logging them into the book. Not only do we keep track of their facebooks because we are friends of theirs, but so do our friends. We've also required them not use texting words. The reason we've used is that texting does not show their full intelligence level. All words that are not correctly spelled rewards the daughter a spelling word. 10x(grade level)

Miranda - posted on 10/12/2011

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I have full access including the passwords to my childrens facebook accounts or they don't have one. I realize at some point i will have to give them more privacy but at this point they have to show me they physically know everyone on their friends lists and there is no profanity or bullying. My hope is that after some guidance i will just quietly stop checking often and then not at all and hope that I have taught them well.

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Jeannette - posted on 11/02/2011

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Maurita, I am only replying to your post now because I just read it. I think that we have to do more than "be an example" for our kids. We do have to set limits and give consequences for bad/wrong behavior. I have seen kids go "wild" as adults because they were too pent up as kids. However, then, they are adults. When they are minors acting "wild" they are a nuisance, careless, disrespectful, and rude. No, they are not their own people until they can pay their own way. So, as long as they need me to be mommy in the money dept, they will get a MOM. I am not their friend first, but we are all most assuredly friends - even with our differences. My kids are 20, 17, and 15. As you have described in your own, each has their issues, but some would be much worse had we not GUIDED them rather than just lived standing next to them. Just want to clarify that point.

User - posted on 11/02/2011

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"I don't believe a child should have a facebook page and this is why." If this is true, then why do your kids have a FB page? Mine don't. Stick to what you believe!

User - posted on 11/02/2011

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"I don't believe a child should have a facebook page and this is why." If this is true, then why do your kids have a FB page? Mine don't. Stick to what you believe!

Dasha - posted on 11/01/2011

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ask them talk to them ask ?s and dont be afarid to ask there friends as well i can send u a link that will help with the talking in codes if u like and just plain dont hide that u know about there accounts thow i know its happen to my nice that someone set up as a bullie issues it wasnt them so just ask

Darlene - posted on 10/31/2011

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my son was getting into trouble so i hacked his account and closed it! i did allow him to open a new account under the guidelines that i could check his account and that worked well. BUT kids are cruel and fb is a dark alley that leads to bad places as well as being a resource allowing the exchange of knowledge... if you tell them NO they will go and open a hot mail account and open a fb account that you will never know about and noone wants that!

Felicia - posted on 10/31/2011

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yeah...well I went on my daughter's facebook (and by the way you have to be a certain age to be on it, so the child may have to lie to get on it) anyway...the other children curse, belittle, and talk way beyond what I am use to as an adult...and my child sees this.....its very disrespectful the way most kids carry on ...I now monitor my child's activities...AND I dont care if you call it spying, etc.....To me it's called protection.....not to mention ...they are open prey to predators as well.

Dasha - posted on 10/31/2011

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i dont mind my kids having facebook as long as i check it often and report people who dont know my child and or nice and then i will talk to them about certain things rember its ur computer and ur phone u have the rite to look at them and ask them who people are teens want to be herd but with respect

Toni - posted on 10/28/2011

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One thing, ask yourself "Why do my kids feel the need to hide anything from me?" Once you figure that out, then you can begin learning this new world. Facebook, myspace, twitter, texting, e-mails, cell phones, etc. They are part of our society, some schools teach classes on how to use such tools. You should know how to not only use them, but utilize them. My children have facebook pages, but so do I, and I am their friend, so I can look at their pages anytime. I have also learned all the secret codes....Ain't nothing getting past me. Oh yea, I also demand that I know all their e-mail accounts and passwords. That's the rule. I check history on every computer and I track all their electronic usage. I will not hesitate to comment on my childs facebook page if I feel something is offensive or inappropriate. Get involved their electronic lives mom, it's a new age...Good luck and God Bless.

Jeannette - posted on 10/27/2011

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You make a good point, parents are supposed to be the boss. I wish I had kids that would believe that. :)

Jeannette - posted on 10/27/2011

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I lost. My husband and I tried to keep our daughters off of myspace for a couple of years, but they would create pages at school, friend's houses, grandma's house, and then they would get their friends to update the info. Pretty sad state we are in when we cannot even keep up with our kids social lives. My younger daughter has been known to chat with older men, guys we've never met or heard of...society has them convinced they should be experimenting with their bodies in every possible form. My oldest is 20 and my younger daughter is 17 now and I can see where the world has put it's influence into their decisions. They think they are being open-minded; then get all sad or depressed when they realize they are getting used and abused.

Lenda - posted on 10/25/2011

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Having raised 2 grown daughters and our first 3 grndkds from 3,22mos and 3 mos..getting custody as we paid off our mortgage, youngest daughter was a sr in HS with fullride to college following year. We had no car payments, rady to travel...NOT! Overnight we were called by the sheriff to come get our grndkds, due to our daughter in trouble for neglect and abandonment. She had gotten into meth and alcohol sfter a tough divorce. No excuse. Our bond was very tight with the kids, I had assisted the midwife in all their births and basically we felt responsible for them from birth. Never felt completely secure in their safety but never caught anything wrong. But we had 10 min to beat CPS there so we would not have to fight in court for them.
We have rised them and the last one 3 mos old, was our first grandson...he is a great BBall player, like his Pops.
But although he has been offered a fullride scholarship to college...he has met a very great girl...she is a Mormon girl and he joined the church and is going to marry her after only really knowing her for 6 mos.
It was really hard to accept his choice but it took him leaving and totally turning his back on us to make the decision he thought we would not accept. His whole life he had fought to please us and I realize he had his own choices that were different than what we thought he needed. It drove him to be defiant and have to fight to be happy but was so hard to turn his back n us but he was depressed and had no control of his life..I look back and see we sheltered him too much, did not trust in him to make the right decisions trying to control him until we actually took his motivation. I will never try to control a child like that again...after all the years f raising kids..and my daughter got clean and holds a good job...good marriage, but the kids stayed with us but she had 4 more boys. Took parenting classes and was more of an aunt to the three we raised.But I have seen what you can do by not allowing a child to make own choices even if they make bad ones, let them pay the consequences to learn. It is amazing that our son is making the choices we have taught him to make on his own.. He was listening! He has proved himself as an adult and is entering college and playing bball next season..still working his job part-time. We are really proud..let them go..they are NOT going to live a life as ours, their world is very different. Do not try to live through them...they will rebel...kids today are very much more acceptable to talk their mind, they will not stand for the life of seen and not heard. LISTEN< REALLY LISTEN! accept them unconditionally and be there for them. They are suppose to be true to their own selves..they do not owe us any obligation to fulfill our dreams for them..they have real needs..let them grow. Do not try to make them mini you's...the feneration and things they deal with on a daily basis makes their world different than tanything any of us have experienced ever in time.Be their rock...help them to learn to be safe but they have to live in their world...I know it scared me to death...But they will make you proud...

Mandy - posted on 10/24/2011

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its easier and safer to allow it, i will explain why i think so, at least you can put the privacys on high rather than doing it alone and no privacys set up, you can also check it and make sure there not doing nothing they shouldnt, we tried to stop ours from having it but its all about peer pressure and at the end of the day id rather know what my kids are doin online rather than them hiding it . xx

Margaret - posted on 10/20/2011

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Yes, my husband and I have both expressed concerns regarding our kids' pages. We are a Christian family, and are involved in many activities at our Church. My husband is an elder and the middle school teacher, which is the Confirmation class this year. I am a deacon and the chair of our Christian Education committee. And, both of the kids attend various retreats throughout the year. We do a lot of activities together as a family, and are trying to raise them with Christian values And, we are very involved in their other extra curricular activities as well. I've been my daughter's Girl Scout leader for 11 years now, and I am the Vice President of my son's PTA. That being said, we have allowed them to get a facebook page, but we have set many rules relating to it that must be followed or they will no longer have a page. First and foremost, we know their user name and password. And, we do log on to their page and see who all is posting on their wall here and there. Also, if we see people using inappropriate language or taking sex quizzes, we will delete them from their page. We tell them what we did and why. If their friend changes their language or content on their page, then they may be "friended" again. And, we are "friends" with the kids that our children hang out with the most. The reason for that is teenagers are always nice to their friend's parents to their face, but on their facebook page, their real personality comes out. They also do not get to spend much time on their page at home. We consider using the computer as a privilege that must be earned, unless it is for school purposes. Their chores and homework must be done before they are allowed to go on facebook, And, they never go on unless they ask permission first. We catch a lot of slack because of these rules from their friends and some of their friends' parents. "We aren't letting be normal teenagers." " They are going to do it anyway". "If you are too strict, they will just rebel." The kids are very involved in the Youth Group at Church, and we are trying to make them understand that the stuff they learn there should help direct their behavior. So, this is how we handle the issue of teenagers and facebook. It seems to be working so far. Only time will tell if these rules are going to backfire. But, this what we do to feel comfortable with the kids using facebook. I hope this helps. Good luck!

Eva - posted on 10/15/2011

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I agree I don't think kids should have facebook account. If they are entitled to have one I believe bigger problems arise. Even having their own E_mail account is risky just for the basic fact we as parents do not know what is happening. My daughter made up a fake name for facebook, I was not happy and I grounded her. She still asks for an account and I still say no. Also she wants to have a "boyfriend" at age 11 :( I don't get it. I am fine with her having friendsthat are boys but why the label?

Marie - posted on 10/12/2011

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Well you can not be with your child 24/7/365. What I would do is say to them it is ok for you to be on facebook but be careful whom you speak to. I would not make big deal about it or if they get into trouble on there they will not come to you for help.

Debbie - posted on 10/12/2011

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all my kids have facebook and there aged 15 9 7 and 6 but they can only use it in the room where iam i would never et my kids take a stranger into there bedrroms so why the hell would any parent let them take the world wide web into there rooms with no adult supervision i have all pass words and sign in details for all accounts and i do check the youngest 3s but not so much the older 1 i find her thinking im checking on her is enough i will admit we have jad some problems with the 15yr old like adding strangers they just dont seem to understand that just cos they say there a 16 year old dunt always mean they are we can only try and protect our kids if we cover them in cotton wool we will never prepare them for the real word when there time comes

Pam - posted on 10/10/2011

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I'm a LEO and see children disappear without a trace from home, school, etc. if I'm overreacting, fine. But a person under the age of 16 doesnt need a social page to express themselves. Thats what a Journal, Diary, etc is for. Also alot of the teenagers dont know how to socialize today because they sit behind a computer and type instead of going out to make friends. If a child today had to do what some of us had to do and make an effort to establish relationship instead of "friending" some one on a social network, you'd discover they didnt have as many friends as they do on a social network. Social sites are about being nosy and seeing what this one and that one is doing without making an effort to let the other person know. In reality, if your child went through there friend list, you'd be amazed at how many of the children really do interact with them on a daily basis. maybe 10 out of the 400 friends. As for glad you dont have me as a mom, At least i explain the dangers of the internet with my child and dont sugarcoat it. Alot of bad comes from the internet and at least my daughter wont have to ever wonder if she ever posted something inappropriate on a social page that could hinder her from getting a job later in life. When you give a child freedom at a young age, when you do decide to take the reins back, it'll be more of a job to do than if you were strict to begin with.

Tamara - posted on 10/09/2011

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I think the difference between people on the internet (if its fb or what ever site) and at the skating rink or mall is you (a general you even teens/kids) are more on your guard with those strangers, with the internet your at home, these strangers work their ways and become 'friends' easier because your at home where you feel safe and its easier to work their way to you and your children. so they are easier targets online then in real life.

I have to have every single password to every acount that is opened in this house, no matter what it is. If I say move over while they are in their environment to look at something they do, if I say hand me your phone they hand it over with out a second thought they know I can go in to any account at any time. they ever have an issue they loose the privilege and in this house that is what it all is.

[deleted account]

If Pam is over-reacting, then I know a whole bunch of people that are "under-reacting." To allow a child on FB when they are under the age of 13 is LYING! I for one will not lie for my child or teach my child that lying is "OK"

Donna - posted on 10/09/2011

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there a child molesters on fb, there are child molesters in your own neighborhood. what difference does that make. Unlike in your neighborhood, fb has these nice privacy settings that you can use to try to deter online predators. Normally if a kid is under 18 they are not searchable by name, only e mail.

Pam - posted on 10/09/2011

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Well, I found out my 11 yr old had a facebook page that was set up by a classmate. I was furious! I contacted that classmates mother and told her the situation, and told her to tell her daughter that she was not to contact my child ever again. If you bow down and let your child/children do what ever and speak and hang out with whatever and not put your foot down, they will continue to make bad choices. I monitor all computer activites, and texts messages of my daughter. The only computer access she has is through the home computer, not through her phone. I had that blocked. My child knew i didnt want her to have a facebook page, but her friends kept pressuring her and she let them create one for her. With friends like that, she didnt need enemies. i explained to her that child molesters went on facebook looking for their next victims and with me not knowing she had a page, if she disappeared one day, I would have no clue who or what had gotten her because she hid it from me. When you show the ugliness of ppl and not the good of ppl, they tend to listen to you.

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This has zilch to do with being a Christian. Use the parental controls on your computer and block the site. Not rocket science.

Michelle - posted on 10/07/2011

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I am a Mother of five. My oldest is 26-19, and then my husband and I have decided to adopt a 2 year old that is biracial. When my children were younger, there was no MTV, or FB in our home. Yes we knew they would discover this in friends homes, but we didnt premit it in ours. Put your foot down, be a responsible parent and just say no.

Patricia - posted on 10/07/2011

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My son has one and he's 12 and he hasn't bumped off any liquor stores or slammed anyone.
If my son wants to vent on his fb, that's fine as long as he's not flaming anyone or cyber bullying.
I have control of his password and I monitor his FB activity.
He usually just plays the games or chats with his friends and cousins.
Your kids are going to vent whether you like it or not. Kids have been talking in code since the beginning of time. Don't you remember being a teenager?

Donna - posted on 10/06/2011

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I'm with sandra on this one. Plus with bullying being an issue in this day and age that is an awsome way to know. My oldest 2 are 6 so fb isnt an issue yet and im sure by the time they are older it will be some other site.

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We are living in a new era and what works for me is that I keep communication open. I recently reminded my son and all his friends where in the house about the facebook. He was upset because I commented on something in his facebook page. I am a friend in facebook and I don't care about the whining. I told him my internet bill so we are facebook friends and Iaugh and so did all his friends. Well, you let me know what we are doing ? interenet? or facebook friends? and I gave him a grin.
I am friends with all his friends and my house is the hang out place. I talk to them and they include me in thier conversations. There were a couple of times that one of his friends would say hey dude your mom is here. he will look at me and say so? and just carry on. I keep a watchfull ear and I do not over react to anything. If they are mean I just say that's mean and let it go. if they are cursing which they do in school or when they are together I tell them Hey Language and walk away. My son and the group will correct themselves and by now they know what I expect. After all is said and done I will pull my son aside and tell him you know I didn't like that and let him simmer on it. I am not shock by anything and I really think before reacting because I don't want them to hide things from me, so if they trust me and don't see me as a threat it's easier to deal with. We all join in the conversation that be about a movie or music or what ever, and I tell them Oh! yeah I want to see that or when are we going. If I'm not good at the subject live video games or like he wants me to listen to his heavy metal. I bite my tongue and listen to a few and I tell him ok, enough punishment... I believe that he appreciates me for trying and for listening. I address things after like encouraging correcting tid bits otherwise it's a battle. I just trust that he will do the right thing. I keep a tight leash but they don't realize it and I sensor many thing and they don't object because is about how you react. Calm, cool and collected. It may not be perfect but it works for us.

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Is it just me, or doesn't anyone actually care that FB has a required age of 13 to join? My daughter is 12, and in order to join FB we would have to lie about her age for at least another year. I have a WONDERFUL relationship with my daughter. I heard a statistic (yes, I know you can find a stat to support anything....LOL) a long time ago that went something like "when children are 12, they listen to 80% of what their parents say, and 20% peer. At age 18, that stat is reversed (80% peers/20% parent.) I work in the schools, and would say that this is a pretty accurate assessment. (FWIW) Any site that I do allow my daughter on, I have to have her password, and she knows that I can and will check things at random. We also keep internet in family room. Her friends all have FB accounts, but she does not. Every night I spend 30 min with her before bed where we just talk. Anything goes. Puberty, school, friends; nothing is off limits. You would be amazed at the things she discusses with me. And I give her 12 kisses every night. (Started giving her 8 kisses when she turned 8, 9 at 9, etc.) She still ASKS me to kiss her goodnight. Is she going to do this with me forever? Of course not. I HOPE that we stay close during the teen years, but I am realistic. For now, I am as involved in her life as she will allow me. And when she turns 13....we shall see if she is mature enough to handle it. But I will CERTAINLY monitor it. I guess I am in the minority about the age for FB. I am not going to lie or allow my daughter to lie about her age. And yes, she knows that not only will prospective employers, schools can and do research, she also knows that anything she puts out on the internet NEVER GOES AWAY.

Sharla - posted on 09/29/2011

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I understand your concerns. Like some of the other mothers, I make a learning opportunity out of it. I have my girls facebook login information as well as being a friend on their pages. They are members of a track club with kids ranging from 6 to 18, and they have befriended a lot of the older teenagers. When i see questionable comments or pictures, I ask my girls what they think about that, then I tell them how I feel about it and why I think people would do certain things like that. In the end, all we can do is trust that we have done a good job in setting good examples, and that our kids will make the right decisions when we are not present.

Celise - posted on 09/27/2011

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ya know what, you've received fantastic advice from all here - as much as we would love our kids to have great morals and go in the direction we set for them, they have to and will make their own paths. We as parents have to stand on God's word and have faith that even if they stray, they will return. Remember yourself, the more you enforce your will as they get older, the more rebellion is seen.. parents become guides and consultants as children get older ... we need to know when to change our roles in their lives. Keep your kids in prayer and let God have His way in their lives... He will keep them. Blessings to you and your family

Maurita - posted on 09/25/2011

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You can't control people. Children have a right to their own life. You can set an example and hope they make choices that have them move forward in life. The more you try to control them the more they will not trust you and sneak around. I have happy when they don't tell me everything why should they?? They are creating their life and being independent. Our children are 20 and 18 and they are awesome people and do have their issues in life they have to face we all do. Trust in your children and understand mistakes and failures help them learn. Take care, Maurita

Joanne - posted on 09/22/2011

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You have to trust your young people at some stage and if you suffocate them too much they will eventually rebel. I have experience of this personally from when I was a teenager thankfully I did a 180 and became a christian in my early 20's again. Teach a child the right way to go and one day it will find the right path. I do think the internet can be dangerous but Facebook isn't the worst thing I have seen on it and if they are contacting their friends on it it is no different than texting or just going out and talking to their friends. We just have to teach our teenagers our standards of living and hope that they live by them. For example my little daughter (8) told me off for not saying thank you to someone the other day, she said 'You always tell me to say thank you mum' . My husband has our computers set so that they are locked out of certain things like youtube and things with certain key words in the title so our sons can't get onto unsuitable sites.

Rachel - posted on 09/21/2011

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Honey, Facebook has nothing to do with that. They get influenced by kids at school, the skating rink, the mall where ever they may be. You need not put the blame on Facebook, MySpace or even the internet. They even get influenced by the kids they go to church with. Get over it your kids are not any more perfect than anybody elses. I bet if you ask around your church everybody is having some sort of a problem with their kid. Maybe not the one your having but, they are having some type of problem with them.

Malinda - posted on 09/19/2011

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I get called an over protective mother but my kids have fb pages and they are 14,13,and 12..I look at all friends requests before i let them accept anyone.I also have to know their passwords just in case something is being said on there that i need to check on..

KATHY - posted on 09/14/2011

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My Teenage girl has a Facebook, I am also a Christian mom she knows here limits. I also know all her passwords they have to be written down for me. she know I check this often. Something else you can try. If you share a PC set her up her own Vista, or xp page. under your Parent controls. Downloadhttp://windows.microsoft.com/en-US/windo... I have it on our pc I am able to see every sight they go to and block time they can be on them. Hope this helps.

June Denise - posted on 09/14/2011

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Very well said Carla. Seems you and i have the same outlook on this subject. Glad to know there are other parents that don't shield their child away from the REAL world but instead allows them to see and learn from it. Have a great week!

Carla - posted on 09/14/2011

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I am 42 years old. I went to college & saw all the kids who had no exposure to 'the real world' GO WILD. You would rather have them see what is going on, and be able to talk about it, rather than bury your head in the sand & then expect them to figure out on their own, when they are living in a dorm somewhere - without your guidance & support.

FB can be educational - on real issues. Photos of teenage girls in bikinis (seriously? That is not for the internet). Posts from their friends/peers about drinking or doing other stuff - not for FB. BUT - by letting them witness it, you can use it as conversation starting points about respecting yourself and making good decisions and how a camera phone at a party can capture you -even if you aren't drinking (& zero tolerance schools can boot you from teams, etc.)

And, its great to connect with family members around the country/world. Don't give up on FB yet. Its more than just its bad press.

Vickie - posted on 09/13/2011

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There is an age limit for children to be able to have a facebook page... are your children old enough? If not, report it to facebook that you didn't authorize it and their accounts should be deleted. I am not sure what the age is, I think it is like 13 or something like that and if you don't want them on facebook, lock them out of the computer.

Melissa - posted on 09/12/2011

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Hey Queen K.A.B ... this is a tough one! I'm trying to respond diplomatically ... yes times have changed and as parents we can either embrace and evolve with our children and with the changes or get left behind. I urge you to watch "Shift Happens" on YouTube... Our children are part of a Digital Age and by not experiencing this with them openly you may very well be excluded as a parent, which would be a shame ... especially as when I read your name K.A.B it leads me to think that you want/need to be active in areas where bullying may occur. As parents we need to hold our children's hands as they explore this new waters, we need to make guidelines and them to make sound choices and sift through media saturated information to make their own informed decisions.

As for dealing with it, my son has had a FB page for 2 years now. I am well aware that he isn't allowed one until he is 13 but children find a way around things (half the 7 & 8 year olds I teach have a Facebook page). Initially he set it up to play games. I'm his friend on it, as is his dad and both sets of grandparents ... so if I miss something this influencual people hopefully catch it. To be honest he's bored with it - the novelty has worn off and we have an open policy with it (just like his cellphone). I am allowed to access and check it at any time. I hope you find this somewhat helpful and Good Luck ..

Carla - posted on 09/11/2011

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My answer to this is - They are going to do it - behind your back, at friends' houses, etc. So - my rules are simpleis - You MUST be my friend - WITH FULL ACCESS (no privacy blocking content from me) AND - I have your password, and I have the right at any time to log in & check out what is there. At any time, if the rules are broken - you will lose all electronics privileges (computer, xbox, phone, tv).

And - I have our extended family (& my friends) befriend him, so they can also 'monitor' - in case the new easy privacy settings are used.

- I have the same rule with the cell phone. And, yes - I am a parent who goes thru the phone whenever I find it laying around & when he is sleeping/in the shower.

Its not that I don't trust him - but I am no fool.

I can tell you the names of several 13 & 14 year olds who are claiming to have gotten 'special favors' at movies by 13-14 year old girls.

You can't put your head in the sand and you have to teach them the proper way to handle things - & the only way you have a true handle on it is to allow, monitor & talk.

Queen - posted on 09/10/2011

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Thanks for all your comments they were very helpful. I wanted to know if anyone heard about FB putting an age limit on allowing kid to have a page? I heard you have to be 21 years old. I don't think this has started yet but they are talking about it.

Della - posted on 09/10/2011

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I let my boy have a Facebook page and email but I can look at them any time. The computer is in an open area so I ease drop on him often enough. The boys curse and the girls play dress up in questionable clothing. No friends my son does not KNOW in real life are allowed. And my sister is a friend so she has a second pair of eyes just in case. Pick your battles, give freedom and verify.

Christina - posted on 09/09/2011

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One thing in common about all of these posts even if we all have our own opinion, The thing I notice most is we all care about our kids.......It is difficult to be a parent because we are always blamed they fail, succeed, do drugs, drink, get pregnant before their married etc etc... It's the hardest job we will do but the most gratifying at the same time with lots of rides along the way..... We can't live or make decisions for our kids because we don't want them to make the mistakes we have made. We need to let them grow into the person they want to become. We have to trust that sometimes they are not goiing to do or say the right things all the time but sometimes neither do we... I think maybe we all think or at least for me I don't want her to go through pain or hurt... It's so hard not to want to live for her but we have too and hope that we made the right decisions...... you are all wonderful ladies and keep up the great work......

Christina - posted on 09/09/2011

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Great job!!! Most parents say they will do something but they don't good for you for actually following through.......Now your son will earn your trust back because he knows you mean what you say and say what you mean... KUDOS>......

Debby - posted on 09/09/2011

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And while you are at it, get a history report from each computer each week! We cannot be too cautious these days.

Crystal - posted on 09/09/2011

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Tobi I do not think she was blaming FB she was stating that this is one of those things they hide from her. Queen I am not sure how old your teens are but as a mother of five this is a difficult task. Wendy is right when she says monitoring their online activities. Do not be afraid to walk in their room and check on them. Require them to always have their door open when online that way when you come in or come by the door you can just peak in. It may seem like an invasion of privacy but as parents we must at times invade to protect them not just from others but at times from themselves. Teens tend to forget the dangers and think they are bullet proof but we all know that is not true. Tell them that if at any time you discover they a have pages that you do not approve of then they will lose the privilege of the computers. It is not unreasonable for you to tell them to bring their pages up so that you can look at it and look at their friends. This is a way to find out if they have a second page because the 2nd page will be on one of their friend’s pages. It is also a good way to spot possible dangerous people. Demand that you have a list of all passwords at anytime if they refuse then cut them off. If they want it bad enough they will comply. As far as code talking it is usually pretty similar to texting or shorthand. After you read them for a while you will probably catch on but in the mean time have the read it. You are the parent and as long as they are with you it is your job to protect them and just put it to them that way. Good Luck

[deleted account]

My son will be 15 in a few weeks, and I just recently made him take down his facebook page for this same reason. I put in so much work and time toward developing and shaping a positive and successful young man. I just feel like facebook" can" hinder all the work that we as parents do. We cannot monitor them 24/7. I tried setting facebook boundaries, which were not honored. I have a facebook page too, and I use that to monitor his. With that said, last night, down the page went. The positive for my son is that you can always go back in and reactivate your page at anytime. When he proves to me that I can trust him to make more responsible decisions time-wise (meaning homework,chores etc.) And those tacky facebook stats, then the page will remain deactivated. I hope this helps : )

Christina - posted on 09/08/2011

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Very smart... I purposly don't add them as friends, they ask and I always deny, I guess I should say yes so I can look more...lol.. great idea

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