I kicked out my 17 year old daughter

Cheryl - posted on 04/07/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I kicked out my 17 year old daughter (3 weeks ago) soon to be 18 on Halloween. She has been stealing from all of us at home for the last four years. She dropped out from high school grade 10; the TDSB gave her the option to attend school or sign her out-she chose an alternative school and was doing well until exam time, she decided to find a job that never happened. Continually she would come and go as she pleases, 2, 3, 4, 5am – I wouldn’t see her for weeks at a time. I took her house key away. She continually stole from her sisiter who left our house because the sister felt I wasn’t doing enough about the situation. I’m convinced my 17 yr old daughter has kleptomania - a dissociation (mental illness); I tried getting her help in the alternative school to see a psychiatrist and counselling - but I have learned you cannot help anyone unless they ask or want the help. How can you help someone if they dont see they need help? I know in my heart this is one of the issues my daughter has had since grade 4-not seeking help; she would never complete any of her school work and never ask for help. Now in her teen years this is just coupled with a whole bunch of other issues, including anger, etc. She admitted to getting help with anger management while attending the alternative school but she stopped attending school at the beginning of Jan 2013. Today she is begging me to come home saying sorry, saying she will do whatever it is to come home – its breaking my heart but those are just words – she contacted me one other time 3 weeks ago asking to come back home. I offered to meet her somewhere so we could look at womens shelters to find her some place to live and I told her I would only consider her living with me/us if she got help for her stealing. Today it was the same, she needs to show me that she is willing to get help instead of begging me and saying sorry, wishing she could rewind time and take it all back. I have given her kids helpline number and Ontario works – I only had contact with her thru text messages – I keep telling her I love her and that I want to meet with her but she refuses and only wants to come home. I cannot live with a thief any longer it’s affected my whole family, the grandmother, sister, my boyfriend and me. We live under chains and locks on all our cabinets – the things she has stolen over the years – some irreplaceable but that’s not the issue at this time – the issue is how do I get my daughter help – first she needs somewhere to live – she needs to help herself – I have tried and tried … what should I do? Does anyone have any ideas or experience with something like this?

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[deleted account]

I have no experience but I think you are doing the right thing by not allowing her to come back home. She needs to understand that you can abuse the ones who love you for their own benefit. You have to think about your entire family and not just on her. I know its hard but I feel you are making the best choice for now. Don't ignore her...continue to love her, answer her calls, and counsel her. Just know when the conversation gets too far and let her know that you gotta go but look forward to hearing from her again.

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