I'm struggling with daughters painful breakup

Kim - posted on 07/14/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I'm struggling just now with my daughters broken heart , she was dumped by her 1st boyfriend after 7 months , although I was not exactly happy at the start of the relationship with her being so young , but agreed to it so that she wouldn't hide it from us. She is an amazing daughter and we have a fantastic relationship and confides in me . Her boyfriend was her first and now she is lost & lonely . Her friends have abandoned her so she's stuck in her bedroom hoping for an occasional message from her ex.
My main problem is that I'm utterly devastated for her it's as if her heart is breaking in mine . I feel every pain with her. I want to just wrap her up and run away with her so no one can hurt her. I know that's impossible . I think that this is the 1st time in her whole life that I have not been able to help her, and it's incredibly painful unbearably painful. I had a total breakdown today , I feel as if my heart has been ripped out , I don't think that the way I feel is normal , it's a little bit strange. If she's happy then I'm happy & when she hurts I feel it also . I don't want her to see me in distress , I don't want her to stop coming & speaking to me . I just don't know how to cope with this .

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Danielle - posted on 07/17/2013

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Try to help her get her mind off it. Tell her (and keep in mind yourself) there will be many boyfriends and some will break her heart and she will probably break a few hearts herself. You just have to be there for her and help her reconnect with her friends or maybe make some new friends. It will get better and with each boyfriend and break up she'll get smarter and stronger.

Nancy - posted on 07/17/2013

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Oh my gosh, I can relate to what you are saying 100%! My daughter is now 22 but I remember her very first boyfriend and break up. She was at school and went to the nurses office because she was so devastated. They called me at work and I couldn't get there fast enough. I too, feel her pain just like you described. We are so connected. It killed me to see her hurt. It is true that we can't make it better. (We can't bring the boyfriend back) but loving her DOES provide comfort. Listening to her is invaluable. It helps her and also helps you know exactly what she is feeling so you can help. It's important to remember that we have the advantage of more life experience and we have survived hurt and challenges in our life. You can help gently guide her back into life again. I brought my daughter to get a brand new haircut. I think the point was that she do something just for herself that made her feel good about herself. Then we went on a short road trip for a couple of days. It gave her something else to focus on and time for us to talk. Try not to be crippled by her pain. She needs you and you CAN help. My daughter knows I hurt when she hurts but I try to be strong for her so she won't stop telling me things in order to protect me. You can be strong. I know you can because you love her so much. You will both get through this and there are brighter days ahead.

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