I need some advice.

Angela - posted on 02/05/2014 ( 8 moms have responded )

11

10

0

I have a 13 year old son and he had a facebook account. Most of his friends have one so i thought ok why not, i explained the rules to him and if he disobeyed those rules he would not be allowed to access his account. This has happened twice. I deactivated and changed the password once, then after a week i thought i'd give him one more chance. However, he posted something that really was not appropriate so again i deleted his account and changed the password. I haven't given him access to his account yet, and i really don't think i should. but now he's been acting out saying things to me and cussing at me. He really doesn't believe that what he did was wrong, and that i'm punishing him for no reason. The thing is he posted that he wanted to have sex with his so called girlfriend, and to me at 13 years old, that's just not appropriate. Every day he keeps asking me for access to the computer ( i took the power cord off of the pc as well) which i keep denying him. I don't believe he's ready to use the computer as i feel he's not mature enough by any means. I know he created another account at school and has access to it when he's at school. but when he's not at home, he has no access to a computer whatsoever. I just don't like the constant arguments and temper tantrums because i'm not letting him have his way. He also will be going for counselling because his behaviour is just not right. there's something else and i can't get through to him. so my question is, if you saw this post from your son/daughter, would you have reacted the same way? i feel i'm doing the right thing, but i just wanted another parent's opinion.

8 Comments

View replies by

Alice - posted on 02/11/2014

7

0

0

Yes you are doing the right thing. If he breaks the rules he haves to suffer the consequences.

Cathy - posted on 02/10/2014

28

23

1

My kids, thank goodness, are now older and out of those teen angst years but my heart goes out to you beginning your journey with yours now. Kids need to know boundaries. Set those boundaries well and clear and stick to them. Let them know, in no uncertain terms "if you do this, this will happen". You have done that already and you've shown compassion by giving him a second chance. Stick to your guns and explain to him why you are doing what you are doing. You are his parent, not his friend. He will learn. He will buck the system and make your life very stressful but he will learn. Let him know that he can "earn" the right to social media back but that will be determined by his behavior and attitude and will be decided when you, the parent, deems right.

It concerns me that he has access at school? How is that possible? Does he have a smart phone or is he using school computers to access, in which case he's probably headed for big trouble there because most all schools do not allow social media sites on their pc's. If he has a smart phone and is defying your rules by accessing FB on his phone, take back the smart phone and give him a standard call/text only cell phone instead. Again, explaining that it's not ok to disregard his mother.

Stand firm, set those rules, talk, talk, talk to him about everything with love and compassion and let him know that your are doing all of this because you care about him. Mine came out the other side of defiance with appreciation for their mother and a solid foundation of right and wrong. It wasn't easy and every grey hair on my head is from their teen years but we got through it and so can you!

Jeanne - posted on 02/10/2014

10

0

0

I had to deactivate Facebook and Instagram when my daughter was 11 and didn't let her have it back until she was 13
due to inappropriate
conversations with a boy. she said nothing wrong but he was being sexually disgusting,
it was obvious she didn't like it but continued engaging in conversation. she knew the rules and I explained this broke one but also it showed me she wasn't quite mature enough to know when to block someone. she said I ruined her life, threw herself on the floor, said she would be the most unpopular girl in school and on and on. she was mad for 2
days, then moved past it. it was the best thing I did. my opinion about your son is that until he understands why it was inappropriate and stops behaving disrespectfully, there should be no chance of getting it back. let him know that until he starts behaving with respect and maturity in general, there is little chance of
getting it back.
and if he has an account at school,
call the school and ask them how to get tid of it. most schools don't allow
social websites on their computers,
he might get a detention or some type
of punishment but more importantly again, another rule he is not following. the more he stomps his feet,
complains and yells, the more you know you did the right thing. it sucks dealing wit it. and you do have to find a way to put a stop to that behavior. for our family, taking her phone away for a day or a week depending on the severity has been the only effective punishment that seemed to turn her back into the kind, respectful,young lady we know and love. if you haven't tried taking more of his prized possessions. which are actually privileges , (he however probably thinks he is entitled to, like most teenagers), I would try it. counseling is always good if you can get their cooperation. good luck!

Elizabeth Anne - posted on 02/09/2014

8

0

1

You did the right thing. I have 2 teenage daughters and Facebook is a big thing in their life. I once saw my oldest's boyfriend post I am at my girlfriends house having sex which made me(I know I shouldn't of) walk in on them. I locked her out of Facebook, twitter, instagram, and pintrest and denied her from having a boyfriend for 2 months. Then she pouted all the time, but I told her if she could behave herself for 3 whole weeks I would let her get them back early. She did but now has some rules
1. Must have the door open when her boyfriend is over
2. I am allowed to see her pages and posts at ALL times
3. She has to keep her grades at a B+ average.
This worked for me so I hope it works for you.

Jill - posted on 02/06/2014

3

0

0

Parenting is tough. My now 18 & 16 year old have had limited privelages compared to friends but the ones they are closest to now aren't the ones who were able to have it all at 12. Conservative and cautious is the way to be. They have enough trouble with emotions without adding the constant overload the internet gives them.
When we did first get my oldest son an iPod he battled looking at porn. Also on his ps2 I had no idea that had internet access. He was honest about it after being approached and not shamed also he was told exactly how addicting porn is. More than heroine.
This is real life and they have to be taught Sounds like your doing a great job!

Linda - posted on 02/05/2014

1

0

0

I am new to this site, My 13 year old grandson which I have had since birth has had a couple of bad experiences with the internet in general started with his PSP which he know longer has when I caught him talking to someone he nor I knew. I under stood he was just wanting friends since is difficult for him to make any. He has tried to get me to let him have a FB but I have read some of the comments on other pages and it is just not appr. for their age I feel! But it is our job to protect them until they are able to protect themselves. I would have done the same and have. Does you son have any difficulties?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/05/2014

13,264

21

2015

Good job so far, Angela.

Now, he doesn't understand why you're doing this, so he needs to do some research about early sexual activity, how it affects a person's physiology, and mental health. And, he needs to present that research to you somehow.

He also needs to be told WHY you felt that a 13 yo posting sexually inappropriate suggestions was not ok. Some kids truly don't understand, and need to have it explained. I had to, with my 13 yo, after a friend of the family had done something sexually inappropriate. My 13 yo thought it would be ok to ask her if she'd do that with him, too...which sent me thru the roof, I'll tell ya! So, I immediately took his phone, called the other girl's mother (who was going to use it as a teaching moment for her kid too) and we sorted it out right then. I explained to him why his actions were inappropriate, and then had him research it to see what could have happened, if the 'worst case' scenario had occurred.

And, since he's acting like a 4 year old, explain that he'll be treated like one. Fits aren't going to get him what he wants, just like they did not get him what he wanted when he was 4.

Right now, he's pushing you. He's testing your limits. You have to have the backbone to stay strong now. You can do this!

Amber - posted on 02/05/2014

1

0

1

I would have done that and more, so stay strong. I have 3 teenage sons and FB has been an issue. Some of the things that are posted on FB is appalling.

I have maybe a difficult question....so feel free not to respond. I'm wondering about the sex topic at 13 being the bigger issue than FB??? I was a very young mom and although I do ok now, I use my experience as a cautionary tale to my boys-because many others I knew did not do ok.

Sometimes counseling is a helpful option, it can be helpful to you, too to get some support. How does your son feel about counseling? It can still, unfortunately have a negative stigma.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms