I think I am an empty nester

[deleted account] ( 12 moms have responded )

My youngest daughter, has chosen to move out. She is 16. Our relationship has been a rocky one for the last 3 years or so. I feel I have a somewhat of a handle on communication with her often rude, disrespectful, manipulative attitude towards me. She has made this decision as this is what she feels is best for her. I told her I didn't want her to go and trusted she can make the choices that are best for her. (this time, she moved out because the kitten she brought home with just before Christmas was not welcome here. Despite her promises of it being paid for/taken care of by herself and her 20 older sister (who does not live with me), it was not. I set the boundary 2 too many times because I felt sad to have to take the kitten away. I am an animal lover and I think she really felt I would just fall in love with the cute little guy. I just can't afford any more furry family members nor do I want the constant battle of asking the litter box to be cleaned (historically this happened before) And the month the kitten was here, it was a constant thing I had to mention again. So, she decided to move out. I am in contact via text with her and I pay the cell phone bill, but, I don't know where she is. She took majority of her things and left me a couple of sweet notes. Like an elastic band, teens are. I think with my daughter, she is feeling ' I love you mom and I hate that I love and need you, I don't want to need you but I do sometimes and I hate that' ' I can do it my way and it is scary' ..... I miss her. I think I need to let go a little more and I miss her. On one hand I am proud of her for feeling so strong about something and making a decision she feels is right for herself and on the other, I feel sad of the things she seems to be carrying...some usual teen issues (boys, confused about her feelings in general, friendships/relationships, wanting 'this and that' and not sure how to get there etc) I feel a little scared inside about how I am realizing I am alone here in this house....with my dog :) Empty nest syndrome. Even though I am a full time university student and work part time so out interacting a little bit with people and focusing on other things. Ugh...it hurts!


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[deleted account]

I am happy for you Sarah that all is working out for you, even through the rough parts.
How this is with me, is not ok, yet I have done all that I feel I can. I am not able to physically force her to stay home, physically force her to go to school, nor stay home if she wants to go, nor come home if she doesn't want to. She has played that card.

Why do kids make choices they do? For lots of reasons, many that are out of our control and all we can do is be there and be supportive the best we can, educate them.

All I am able to do, is share how I feel with her, set my boundaries, let my expectations be known and what the consequence will be.

I would not expect anyone to understand unless they have gone through. There is no way for anyone to understand. In the least out of this post, I hope someone out there knows they are not alone.

Again, I am just grateful she comes to me when she needs, is in trouble.

[deleted account]

I hear the curiousity and I feel a little uncomfortable with the judgmental tone this message has. If this wasn't intended, then I apologize.

Officials and trustees: the police, MCFD, school principal. There has been family a family counsellor etc as well.

I was introduced to my parent support group through MCFD and an professional advocate for parents in my local community, who deals with groups of teens and their family who handle more than the "usual" host of teen issues that the "usual" rules of the "usual" household apply and work and work well. Sometimes, it doesn't. And it breaks my heart that I am in this place. My main priority is to keep my relationship intact and healthy with my daughter, that she comes to me when she needs me....and so far, she does. I am very grateful for this.

I will finish this note saying I understand peoples questions, curiousity and understandable inability to understand, if one has not dealt with similar issues in their home. We are all parents, we all love our children deeply, we all want what is best for them and we all do the best we can with what we have. We are the best parents for our kids and we know our kids better than anyone else.

Please stop judging each other and support one another.

[deleted account]

I hear you and understand. As I have mentioned, *all* sectors are aware. As mentioned, I have felt disappointment largely.
Difficult to understand unless one is in it.

[deleted account]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I have been down several different roads that last few years in regards to parenting my girls. And majority of my experiences with various sectors have been frustrating and disappointing.I have greatest faith and trust in the support of my parenting group. The best I can do is support my daughter the best I can when I can. All of the 'officials and trustees' are aware of her choices and while I believe in education, etc and expect certain things, I cannot force her.(as much as I would like to!

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