I want my son back

Sharon - posted on 11/16/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I gave temp residential custody 1.5yrs ago, i pay chld spt, jerk will not involve me in my sons life, i had issues with my son and he was house arrested by me, then i voluntarily gave him to ex temporary with no end date. Courts have to decide on temp but I want him back now, ex is manipulating both kids, and just got 3rd aggrivated dui, and lives with his parents so ex is not raising my son grandparents are, im fully capable and work and pay chld spt, but I want my son back he is doing poor in school, tardy all the time, but wants to stay there, my oldest 23 lives w me, but he gets angry when i want younger 16yr old to come back, he says he will think he's 21, they both smoke pot cuz ex says its not addicting and he smokes himself, I have morals, i have values, i have an education and it hurts sooo much, my atty says courts will review where my son wants to live, but i don't think that ex is responsible and with three adults how on earth can his grades and attendance be poor. Ex is out for $ only now and still manipulates my kids to hate me. Im so depressed and miss him, i don't see him hardly and i think my atty is not tough enough or I don't have a good enough case, im so frustrated !!!! Im filing for return custody and its going to cost me but if I don't do it, i will regret at least trying. My family doesn't want to be invloved wich is understandable but i have no one to turn too, no one to borrow $ and it just really sucks!

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Rhonda - posted on 11/20/2012

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I'm sorry, Sharon, that you are getting such turmoil. What were the circumstances that lead you to decide to let him go? Because this is now a court matter, there may not be much you can do. I have never been one to believe that your responsibility as a parent changes just because your child's address changes. Meaning, just because your son is staying at his father's house does not mean YOU couldn't pick him up and get him to school on time. It also doesn't mean that you couldn't go to the school to talk to his teachers about what is needed to get him back on track. If this is about your son, then regardless of where the child lives, you could interejct yourself, as his mother. If you sent him over there and decided your responsibility is just paying child support, then you are going to have to win your son trust again, not the other way around. You can't just judge his current situation if you were the one to create it. You can fix it by making the decision that you want to be there as a support for your son. Give him the opportunity to establish a new relationship with you, regardless of what the courts decide. If all the adults are truly looking out for the care and welfare of the kids, then a compromise can be reached that will provide the kids with security and support needed to succeed. It really does take a village to raise a child. Good luck

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/13/2013

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It may not be your attorney, it may be that the court has given your son his choice of residence. You say he's 16, and in most states they're allowed to choose residence from 14 or 15 years old on.

And, I hate to say it, but there could be 50 adults in that household, and your son could STILL be getting poor grades! Unless they are planning on sitting on top of him every night and forcing him to hold a pencil and complete assignments, he's going to keep on the way he's begun. That is the life of a male teen. I was in that spot with mine. Fortunately, with him, he got the point after paying for his own make up course to graduate on time.

I wish you luck, but I'm not sure there's much you can do.

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