im at a loss with my teen

Sandra - posted on 09/30/2014 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I have an uncontrollable teenage boy. So I decided to take acton and now I regret it. I tried to out source a little help on what I should do or what my next step should be to correct the issue he is having from failing grades to bringing a knife to school to even pulling a knife on his step father… well I contacted juvenile services who directed me to social services they say they should help with some programs for him like therapy big brother program…. so I did I told them the issue I was having with him and instead of referring me to help they basically opened an investigation on me and my family. Now dont get me wrong I have nothing to hide but come on. Talk about crazy…so instead of giving me a list of resources to help. They just caused more issues in my already crazy life..omg no wonder why parent have a hard time with there teens. From now on ill figure it out on my own…..”

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/02/2014

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Could you and dad perhaps use a mediator to get things onto the same page communication wise?

I understand that you may be working with a personality of an ape with your ex...but would he go for mediation?

Sandra - posted on 10/02/2014

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You have taken the word right out of my mouth... co __ parenting is very difficult with his father though.. idk we just have a barrier when it comes to communication with each other... some one always seems to get there feelings hurt... then gets defective.. I am in no means perfect.. and will not pretend that I have all the answers. Thats why im trying to get guidance.. in something I have little to no experience in..as I said I have no problem with him moving to his dads will it sadden me yes. But untill that happens I have to make the best choices as a parent... I belive at this time he needs to have counseling set up before he goes I also fell that moving in the middle of a school year when your already strugging academically mau not be the best choice.. but when I bring up these point that I think are valid.. his father thinks im being ridiculous.... and I should just say ok you can quit counseling. Pack up and move 16 hours away tomarrow... now I may very well be wrong.. this is why im here

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/02/2014

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Well, what does his dad have to say about the situation? Him choosing to live with dad isn't 'taking on the role of parent', its choosing to live with the other parent. And if he IS choosing to live with his dad, then it simply means that you and his father may need to communicate and come to an agreement about what steps the boy needs to take to get back on track.

If you and his dad are co-parenting, he won't be able to play you off one another.

Sandra - posted on 10/02/2014

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I dont mind that he wNts to live with his father.. no matter what our differences are... its the action of our son I dont want him to feel he has the choice to take on the role of a parent. Nore do I want to send the wrong message by saying oh you did something wrong and dont want to deal with the out come of your actions than you can play parents against one another..

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/02/2014

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Well, if he wants to live with his dad, what's wrong with that? He's violent, he's threatened your husband...BBBS isn't going to 'help' that, and they aren't likely to take on a violent teen into their program.

Why is he violent? Has he had counseling? What are his reasons?

It may be a good thing that social services is involved now, because they may need to be able to document your story and get you started with the programs that could help.

But, honestly, what's wrong with him living with his dad? If you're in the US, and he's above a certain age, he could be given the choice of residence anyway.

Sandra - posted on 10/01/2014

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Yes been there.. but when I try to enforce a punishment he calls his dad and says he wants to move there loose loose ... and he doesn't make it better.. he says what ever you want buddy.... all I can do is go with.the flow and smh... if its not one thing its another.

Melissa - posted on 10/01/2014

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Yep that's how it works and it makes me crazy they dont help make situation worse & if u whoop your children its abuse it ridiculous trust me I have Twins Girls thats 15 & started High school make A's &B's go to school everyday gr8 at school but at home out of control with attitude , be outside im my yard hanging out & then look outside & gone got themself that are driving now so they think they can take off when they want & go where they want they took off on me gone couple hrs couldn't find then let it go 1st time 2x I took their I phones 5's 3x it happened went to police and they know im not playing now but I struggle daily watching them scared to death going get in mischief .& have 19 year old didn't even go thru this with her so idk im lost but I know im not putting up with 2 of them telling me what they going do but im scared to get those people in my life cause they dont help they torture the mother not fair at all . Im so sorry raising teenagers now days is just a pain & just stressful as can be all I do is worry and I have 8 yr son he such great boy he awesome nothing like worrying about girls .but im scared he sees their behavior and he will think its okay idk what to do either

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