Impossible Teenager

S - posted on 10/02/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My 17 year old daughter hooks up with strangers she meets online. She sneaks out of the house in the night... I took away everything- phone, laptop, but she was on chat groups with her Nintendo DSI! She failed school, got her GED, had a job but got fired, sleeps all day, sneaks out at night. I've been trying to protect her from herself- she doesn't care about anything. Been through counseling bla bla bla. I laid down the law, I told her if she does it again she can leave. She got caught, she left on foot, a few hours later the police picked her up and I got investigated by DHS for possible neglect. The state of Maine says I am responsible for her until she is 18. SO since I cant seem to make her stay in at night, What can I do??? I don't want her here, she is disgusting. I loved on her so much this past year, and she lies and lies... I am heartbroken, worried sick, and I just need it all to stop. I feel like I am going to have a heart attack. She told her dr. she hopes she is pregnant. God help me, I don't want to be involved in the dysfunction.

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Kat - posted on 09/04/2013

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Give her a key to the front door. Then ask her pleas be a good girl but more important "don't lose the key.she just might miss the true care you've instlled.. and eventually (soon) a girl needs her own safe space. Then some time not to far ask for the key back. And then tell her u love her that's y if she want to sleep there she must b in by 12 (or what u deside on) because thehouse and front door will be locked. Shell get it. If she has any of you in her . YA!. Then you see .. just don't give up. Even if I'm wrong. Although its worked for 3 of my 4 boys...good luck and chin up girl!

Kellyszen - posted on 09/03/2013

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S Martin! I am new here. Yours is my very first read. WOW!!! I am at wits end as well. I have friends that are parents of tough teens and hearing others certainly has helped take the edge off of the pain that seems so unbearable...and PERSONAL. Sometimes I get bits of peace on the rare moments I let my self believe that 'its not personal'. I am so impressed that you were able to say 'I don't want her here, she is disgusting'. Yesterday I burst into tears saying these exact words for the first time out loud. I felt ashamed for sure but more than that shame I felt bloody relieved and brutally honest that I was crying my truth. Just reading your words made me feel less alone in my own hell. Sending you back the same support (all of you) that I was in search of this morning. S Martin, I would be devastated if she left...to a degree. My daughter has a great life, with no abuse, no harsh stories, major deaths... (to way over simplify, and totally negate her view of it and how relative that perspective) There is a knowledge that she is on her own journey and I have to make peace that I have done what I can do for her growth to date good or bad, She wants to be grown...let her fly. With Warmness, Kelly

Ramona - posted on 10/04/2012

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I understand exactly what your going through!! My daughter is 16 has gotten yet again suspended from school this time for looking out for another friend while that other person was steeling, smokes weed all day, does not respect my home and thinks she runs my home. She leave when ever she wants to and feels she does not have to be a positive roll model for her 9 year old brother. I went through the counselling( witch she refused to go) and running away faze and calling the police and even tried getting her into a girls facility called Rosemont here in Oregon but according to the state She doesn't qualify...what does qualify a child?? really...Its like we have no control over our children anymore we cant discipline them like we were disciplined when we were kids and when we do we are blamed for abusing them....Im lost myself and to the point where you are also. To just let her leave and fend for her self she wants to act grown and do grown up things well then let her see that being a grown up isn't whats its cut out to be! I hope everything is working out for you.....I know it doesn't change what your going through but just know that your not alone out here!!

User - posted on 10/03/2012

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I just want to check in and see how you are doing. I know it is very hard. My son is 17 and does some really unimaginable things. He is on a GED program but I am paying a lot of money for it because it is in a local college with college classes. In NY you cannot get a GED until you are 18. At least your daughter got hers which is good. You did not stop her which is good. SOmetimes they take advantage of the fact that we love them and they use the runaway card to manipulate us. When she does come back, make sure she knows that the rules remain the same.

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