Is 13 too young to be holding hands?

Daya - posted on 09/10/2009 ( 35 moms have responded )

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My daughter will be 13 in a month. She's asked if it's okay to hold hands with her "boyfriend" of almost a year. You have to understand, my husband is VERY strict when it comes to physical contact. My daughter and I are extremely close, and I think it's okay, while my husband does not. We go around and around about it. I'd like any and all opinions on the subject being that she is my oldest child and my only girl. I can already tell the teen years are going to be interesting.

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Bob - posted on 03/10/2013

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All of you have no idea what you're talking about.13 is fine to have a 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend'.Kids are kissing girls, and when I say kiss I mean french-kissing at the age of 10, and you're worried about holding hands?Just make sure they don't go beyond kissing and holding hands.Sorry to say but their gonna hold hands anyway.

Kath - posted on 09/16/2009

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Your Daughter is being very responsible and grown up coming to you in the first place so I feel you have to treat her like a grown up and if she feels ready to hold hands give her your blessing and tell your husband he must feel like the proudest Dad around to have such a responsible Daughter

Tyler - posted on 02/27/2013

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Noooooooooooooooooooo that is just fine let her hold hands and even kiss

Yolanda - posted on 09/17/2009

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I would have to say holding hands is definitely okay. The alternative though holding hands in your presence or having sex because they have to hide behind your back? Let's give just a little slack dad

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Joseph - posted on 09/12/2015

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Lady, you are seriously stupid if you are asking this question--especially now and not years ago. 13-years-old is on the cuff to teenagehood, when adolescents begin experimenting the most and engaging in new usually reckless and irresponsible activities, so yes holding hands is a farcry and perfectly fine.

In the recent decades there's been a gradual earlier onset of puberty, and most young ladies have already progressed into different tanner stages by age 13. This isn't much of a problem till later years, because the boys and their environment matures more slowly.
Now, that being said, it's a matter of reality. You can either conduct your lives ignorantly, or you can take a smart approach and be flexible. It's a matter of cooperation, you want restraints and restrictions, while hormones really are making the child into an uncontrollable ticking bomb. Hormones provoke new concepts entirely and are to blame for generating the sexual identity, and this is new territory for someone that hasn't completed puberty... Parents have forgotten what it is about, and believe incorrectly that it is disobedience--children must be taught the responsibility you were teaching before by obedience.

Teaque - posted on 09/20/2009

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I think 13 is to young to be dating.But since we are already past that point.I agree with your husband they are to young.Sorry!Keep the line of communication open.

Juanita - posted on 09/19/2009

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I think it is okay to hold hands. But I think 13 years old is a little young to have a boyfriend. I wish you all the luck to get your husband to come over to your side on this matter. He is like this because she is his only girl and he can't see that she is becoming a young lady who wants to hold hands with her boyfriend of a year.

Danielle - posted on 09/17/2009

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I realize that the children we brought into this world did not come with an instruction book, however, be glad that your daughter feels comfortable enough to talk to you and ask your opinion. I have a daughter who is 14, she is unique in every way as are all our children. She along with 4 of the 5 girls in her class decided that bi-sexual was the way to go. This came as a complete surprise to all of the family. We have accepted this and moved on. Her 1st "kissing" was with a girl this summer. Holding hands is nothing compared to trying to figure that out. Whatever you decide provide a united front so that no one is the bad guy.

Cindy - posted on 09/17/2009

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I have to agree with your husband... my concern is why does she already have a boyfriend, its way too early for all of this, she is only 13, she will have plenty of time for all of this when she is like 18. Seriously one thing leads to another and wham, once you allow certain things to happen, then other natural things happen too...I have 3 daughter ages 23, 18, 15. As a mother I understand what you are saying, but please listen to your husband on this one.

Staci - posted on 09/17/2009

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Quoting Daya:

Is 13 too young to be holding hands?

My daughter will be 13 in a month. She's asked if it's okay to hold hands with her "boyfriend" of almost a year. You have to understand, my husband is VERY strict when it comes to physical contact. My daughter and I are extremely close, and I think it's okay, while my husband does not. We go around and around about it. I'd like any and all opinions on the subject being that she is my oldest child and my only girl. I can already tell the teen years are going to be interesting.


I don't think it's to young, but just remeber that's just the start of it all.....start thinking about birth control....JMHO

Zandria - posted on 09/17/2009

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I think you answered your on question. Your husband has a problem with it. She is his child too. Plus your husband can't be THAT strict if she is ALMOST 13 and has been dating for almost a year! I think you should listen to our husband. You are right , the een years are just starting don't allow it to bring stree with in your own marriage. There is no rush for your daughter to start being physical. I have eight kids in my house and you do not date till you are 13 and not before! I have four kids lder than yours and they are great.

Keysha - posted on 09/16/2009

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I am a little confused. why would your husband allow your 12 year old to have a boyfriend? yes I do believe that 13 is too young to hold hands... because it leads to other things.

Deirdre - posted on 09/16/2009

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Just the fact that your daughter came to you and talked about this shows so much maturity. You should be very proud that she feels comfortable talking to you about her relationship. I think that hand-holding is fine. Of course, it is important to have that talk about physical boundaries and what you expect from her. It sounds like you have a great mother/daughter relationship!

Your Namewendy,phlip, Laura & Amy - posted on 09/16/2009

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i think its very sad that you are worried about her holding hands with her boyfriend,i think at 13yrs it won't do any harm at all.If her mum or dad make a BIG thing over this she will become very confused i think.holding hands dose not mean it will lead to other things yet!One of my daughters is 9yrs has had her "Boyfriend "for 2yrs now, they go to the cinima, either his mum or myself sit a few seats away from them while they watch the pictures, go for a meal come to either homes for dinne, they are young and ininnocent and are just enjoying there lives at the momment, Amy always ask questions if she is unsure about anything. Just don't let your daughter think there is somthing BAD about holding his hand, that's all it is HOLDING HANDS.

Julie - posted on 09/15/2009

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Not to be mean but you're really allowing your daughter to date at that early of an age? I personally have a 14 yr. old girl which will be turning 15 at the end of "this" month and I personally as her mother find it rather disturbing for my daughter to date this early in her life. Much less, the sound of my daughter holding hands with a boy?! Maybe? Kinda ok with that.? Not so sure though as of yet. My husband and I are strict also, but in my opinion a "13" yr. old is wayyy too young to be dating in the first place. We haven't allowed our daughter to truly date yet at all! Tooooo mannny scary and unkind people out there in this day and age.

Ana - posted on 09/15/2009

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....there will be plenty of time for holding hands etc. Sorry Daya...usually I am for Mom support...but I have to go with your husband. 12 going on 13 is too young. Then it will be kissing and who know's what else...petting. Kids now a days think...Oral sex is not sex. Kids are being pressured too soon. Why let them start early? What is wrong with just hanging out, talking doing 13 yr old things? Video games, movies etc. What's the hurry? Let the boy and your only daughter...show effection in another way other then physical. It is great that you are close with your daughter your influence will play a big part in her decisions. It is not about being strict....i think but allowing your kids to be kids for as long as they can before entering young adult... "behavior" don't rush it. Your Daughter is lucky already...my 12 yr old is not allowed to have a boyfriend till 16, and then it's only group dating. Depsite the boy's...following behind her...already. I also see how interesting her teenage years are going to be...where can I buy a shot gun? lol Good Luck.

Candi - posted on 09/15/2009

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ps... my comment was to Jackie Randles... i'm new to this posting thing!!!...

Denise - posted on 09/15/2009

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At that age if you are too strict they might not tell you everything and go running in the other direction. You don't want that. Lots of 13yr olds do more than that. If she is asking you now than this is a good sign that the communication is still good. Always tell her to be honest with you even if that means telling her you won't say anything to her father. Trust me you will want your daughter to be able to tell you everything no matter if its right or wrong. My oldest daughter's father doesn't know anything that is going on in her life because he tries to be sooo strict and she doesn't want him passing judgements. I on the other hand know everything and we are not only mother & daughter but friends as well. I am the first person she comes to for everything. She is now 17. Her father is quite jealous of our relationship and doesn't understand why. LOL

Wendy - posted on 09/15/2009

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I beleive that as long as it is only holding hands, this is perfectly natural and innocent.

Petra - posted on 09/15/2009

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Well.......I think that if you are talking bout "your little girl" even 17 will be too young to do anything with boys. But in reality girls like boys and boys like girls no mater what age.My five year old one has "boyfriend" who she is planing to marry and live with his mummy and daddy...lol On the other hand my oldest daughter who will be 13 next week brook up with her "boyfriend" because he was trying to hold her hand. Every child is diferent, every parent is diferent. I think that it is great that she is asking you your opinion, you should talk to her about all posible senarios.....how long it will be just holding hands? And on the end I think that even if you say "NO" to your daughter, she may just will not listen to you, she is teenager.....hormons overfloting.....leave this decision on to her and give her your full trust.

Cherri - posted on 09/15/2009

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Some girls are just more interested in boys than others. Appreciate the time your daughter is spending caring for another person. She came to you for permission, and probably advice...don't mess that up. She was born as her own person, and a parents ultimate challenge is to let them be just that. Set strict rules and boundaries, while respecting her hearts desires. Safetly in numbers..lol, no one on one dates. Talk about trust, and how to earn it, with her and her dad. Being withing others is a privilige, one she should be working for.A child these days, at 13, asking permission to hold hands...is like a soft, but bright, light at the end of a very long tunnel.

Natasha - posted on 09/15/2009

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Defiantly believe 13 is to young to have a boyfriend. Just had this conversation with my own 13 year old daughter last night, There are stages in life for everything, and at this age, they are still children. So much time is wasted trying to be "grown up" that they lose sight of riding bikes and hide and go seek. I think its sad. Society has allot to do with this too. She has many years ahead of her to hold plenty of hands.:)

Tamara - posted on 09/14/2009

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I say this is where holding leads to touching, touching leads to kissing, kissing leads to more touching, more touching leads to babies and how did we get here.



13 is far too young, in my personal opinion for a young growing teen to have a "boyfriend" of almost a year, which means she was 11 when this ''friendship'' began?! . If it were my child it wouldn't be happening she is by aspects of the word still a baby. Since it is happening I'd end it. And yes.. I've got a daughter nearly 16 years old. She is not allowed to have a boyfriend until she is 16 but she has no current interest as her life is filled with other things.

Sherri - posted on 09/14/2009

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Ok , this is a hard one , but easy at the same time :) I have mixed feelings on this ( Im a mother of 3 children ...ages 12 , 11 , and 9 ) . I think it would all depend on the sisuation . In my opinion if there is a mature responsable adult around that it would be alright , but if not then definatly no . At this age they start wanting to expierment and try new things and we as parents have to do our best to educate them and teach them that its ok to say no . But I think you and your husband should try to find a way to compromise with each other , because ya'll have a lifelong road ahead and there will be harder things to deal with in the future :) Good luck and God bless .

Jackie - posted on 09/14/2009

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Quoting Daya:

Is 13 too young to be holding hands?

My daughter will be 13 in a month. She's asked if it's okay to hold hands with her "boyfriend" of almost a year. You have to understand, my husband is VERY strict when it comes to physical contact. My daughter and I are extremely close, and I think it's okay, while my husband does not. We go around and around about it. I'd like any and all opinions on the subject being that she is my oldest child and my only girl. I can already tell the teen years are going to be interesting.



I thik that 13, 14, 15 or even 16 and up is too young to even have a boyfriend.  Children have so much learning and growing to do.  Boyfriends and girlfriends are distractions from learning.  Will boys and girls want to be together?  Yes they will but here is where parents step in.  ADvise the child that they will change alot during their lifes and so will their boyfriend.  There will be time for a boy/girlfriend in college years where they may find someone to grow with.  It is ok to tell your child to wait.  They wait to drive a car and drink alcohol so why not wait on romance? 

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Sound like they will be!. My son is almost 14 and has a girlfriend who is 14. I found out recently that they have just started Kissing...i was a bit surprised...but we did have a good talk about respecting girls and all sorts of things....i was extremaly surprised and very sad to find out that my son and his girl are very tame comparied to some of the kids his age...i think kids grow up way to fast these days...but i feel that if they are taught respect and the right way to treat each other that things can and will be ok! We are good friends with my son's girlfriend's parents and they are ok with whats happening as they know him quiet well and know that he is a good young kid...i think it helps that we live in a small community as well. I hope things work out for your daughter..and maybe a gentle reminder to your hubby that sometimes being too strict can lead to kids doing things they wouldn't normaly do just to feel they have some control of the situation or to get back at someone they think isn't giving them a fair go!...Good luck!

Retta - posted on 09/13/2009

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okay so I'm not so old that I don't remember what it was like to be 13...and I wish holding hands was all I was doing back then...but anyways. I don't think holding hands at 13 is to young. But anything else...no. be glad that you guys can talk about stuff like this, And help her understand that holding hands DOES lead to other things. Hormones run very high at this age...good time to learn self control, and the power of the word no.

Angie - posted on 09/13/2009

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I think 13 is too young to be dating even if it's "dating". I'd have to agree with your husband, 13 is too young to be holding hands.

Tracey - posted on 09/13/2009

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wow! I think it's great that she asked you! My opinion is that hand holding would be fine. They've been boyfriend-girlfriend for almost a year? That is so cute! Sounds like your husband is just being really protective, that's not such a bad thing, but it's good that your daughter talks to you. As long as you two are close and she feels comfortable discussing things with you, I see no need to worry.
Good luck!!

Sandy - posted on 09/11/2009

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I think holding hands is very appropriate for this age. I hate it that you and your husband are going to argue over it though. I have to remind my husband that my kids have a life that they want to live. Holding hands would be fine to me. Good luck and its great your daughter feels comfortable enough to talk to you about everything.

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