Is my 13 yr old daughter confident...or covering insecurity?

Rose - posted on 02/03/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




My daughter is 13 and in 6th grade (should be in 7th, but was held back in 1st grade).

I know kids mature at different ages, and all have different personalities, but it just seem starnge to me that a 13 year old girl does not care AT ALL about her appearance. She hates clothes and doesnt seem to care what she wears, or about her personal hygene. If I did not MAKE her brush her hair and her teeth, wear deodorant, and shower-she would not do any of it-or at least not very often. There have been times where I let it go just to see if she would do it without being told- and she went all weekend in the same clothes-even sleeping in them and not ever taking a bath or brushing her hair or teeth!

I have told her that she is allowed to shave her legs if she wants (she has very long dark hair on her legs) and one of her friends told me that other girls at school had been making fun of her for her hairy legs-but she says she doesn't care and doesn't want to shave her legs. She has also been made fun of for having a "uni-brow" and I have offered to take her to get it waxed but she has refused saying she likes her uni-brow and doesn't care what anyone else thinks.

I want my daughter to be confident. Part of me applauds her for being so SEEMINGLY self-confident and for not letting what others think govern her life. However, it just seems almost abnormal to me that a 13 year old girl would care SO little about how her peers percieve her. Is she really that confident or is she perhaps SO insecure that she has adopted an attitude of "I can't fit in, so why even try"? At home she seems happy and not depressed or sad. She loves spending time with the family-and rarely spends time with friends. In fact, as far as I know, she only has one or two friends at school. This does not seem to bother her.

I have been told (a couple of years ago) by the Mom of one of her classmates that my daughter is considered to be very "weird" by the other kids.

I went through this as a kid and was made fun of and called a weirdo and ugly and all kinds of things. In my case, I was extremely sensitive to what others thought of me and I always despaired that I would never be "popular". I don't want to see my darling girl suffer-but at the same time it seems strange to me that being ostracised and made fun of doesn't seem to affect her AT ALL. Is she actually very bothered by it, but just internalizing it? What does everyone here think?


Tah - posted on 02/04/2012




my concern is not that she doesn't care what her peers think, it's that at that age she practice good hygiene. Is she tomboyish?...has anything happened to her that you may not know about that makes her feel safer Not being clean etc. Maybe some counseling??..I wouldn't push the hey people might like you if you did this or that because that may also be why she is pushing so hard not to fit in.

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