Mel - posted on 03/09/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )




My 16-year old told us last week that she's bi-sexual (after my finding pics on the internet of her kissing her best friend). She (& the friends she's seemed to have made over the last year) are obsessed with cos-play (dressing up like comic book/video game characters, taking pics of themselves & posting on the internet). At first I thought the "dress up" thing was cute but (& I apologize for this next statement) I'm starting to feel all these teens & young adults that are into this are just freaks. I've looked into her "new" friends - all female - & they all list their sexual preference as either "demi-sexual", "pan-sexual", "bi-sexual" or - my favorite - "hetero-flexible". What the hell is going on????? Is my daughter really bisexual or is this just the fad? She tells me that she's more physically attracted to boys than girls but that she feels more of a connection to girls (well of course!) & feels she wants to explore this side of herself. I am beyond confused. Half of me is saying she's gay & just trying to hold onto thinking she may be partially straight because she is afraid to let go & the other half is saying she is only 16 and has no clue - just wants to experiment & rebel in this way - & is really straight. Can anyone at all out there relate to this? I feel so lost and (ashamed to admit this) heart-broken.


Darcy - posted on 03/11/2014




Being a pansexual myself, I don't advise doubting your daughter's sexuality, as she'll most likely just end up pushing you away and you'll regret it.

Also, I feel obligated to explain these sexual orientations to you.

Bisexuality is the attraction to any two genders, yet one of this sexuality can have a preference in gender. Bisexual can also be used as a more simple word for pansexual, as most don't know what it is.

Pansexuality is the attraction to all genders. If you didn't know this already, people do identify as genders other than being a girl or being a boy.

Demisexual is normally defined as the person only having a sexual attraction they have a strong emotional connection with.

Heteroflexibility is being heterosexual but having certain exceptions.

Going on with sexual orientations- just in case you ever run into this one- asexuality is also a thing. It's defined as someone with no sexual attraction. Now, they can still masturbate and find people attractive, but they aren't interested in having sex with anyone.

I feel like I should introduce another idea to you: the difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction. What I mean is that someone can be heteromantic but can be asexual, meaning they are only physically attracted to those of the opposite sex, but aren't attracted to anyone sexually. I myself am a panromantic pansexual, and it sounds as if you are a heteromantic heterosexual.

Ending the sexual orientations, there is a difference between gender and sex. Sex is normally defined as what you are biologically, and relates to your genitalia. Gender, however, is how you see yourself. Someone can be born female but identify as male.

Getting on with cosplay, it's not weird! Honestly, it's like Halloween all year round for all ages. They get to portray their favorite characters/celebrities, and it gives them a chance to express themselves.

All in all, your daughters sexuality isn't a phase, and her cosplay is just a way for her to express herself.

Anon - posted on 03/10/2014




Well firstly, I think you need to know what these sexual preferences mean. Demisexuality is sexual attraction to only people one has a close relationship with. Pansexuality is attraction to all genders, including gender-queer. Bisexuality is attraction to only two genders. All of these are things that exist, it's not just a "straight" or "gay" situation. Cosplay (portmanteau of "costume" and "play" has nothing to do with a person's sexual orientation, and is not in any way unhealthy, and is essentially a way of expressing one's self. If she says she is bisexual, you should just accept her as she is, as it doesn't affect you, and cannot be changed.


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Sarah - posted on 03/09/2014




Well you can only know for sure in a couple of months. If she is still doing it then she is bisexual and gay but if she isn't then it was just a fad.

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