Lying about sex

Nancy - posted on 08/19/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




I have a 13 year old daughter, I have posted about her several times before. She is a good kid - she's friendly, kind and extremely social. Last year, I noticed on her Skype that she was telling her friend that she had sex with a boy who, allegedly, hangs out at our house all the time. This boy does not even exist! I talked to her abut it and she said she was "just kidding" and that she and her friends joke like that all the time! I made it clear that "kidding" in that manner is unacceptable. She promised that she would not do it again. This was last October. Last night, I was checking her Facebook (she calls it snooping, I call it keeping her safe). And she was bragging to a different friend about smoking pot and she said "I just had sex, it felt SO good!!" She was home with me at the time it supposedly happened, so I know that it wasn't true! This behavior terrifies me!! I have always taught her that sex is a special thing between two people who love, and are committed to each other. I also emphasized that bragging like this does not impress people, in fact, it has the opposite effect!
Unfortunately, I have a less than stellar past and I was not even in a committed relationship when I got pregnant. I have paid the price for my mistakes, in many ways, and I hate the thought of her making similar mistakes. I have made sure she had a secure, stable home. I am a single mother and I have not really dated since having her so, she is not seeing a revolving door of men in and put of my life.
When I saw the Skype message last year, I pretty much lost it and screamed and yelled. I know that it was not the proper way to deal with it but I went into panic mode! Has anyone else dealt with this sort of thing?? Maybe it is just a passing phase, but it is scaring me to death! Any thought, suggestions would be appreciated!!!!


Chet - posted on 08/20/2013




First, I would be honest with your daughter about why this upsets you so much. It touches a nerve because of your own past. Second, try to understand that a 13 year old is stuck between being a child and an adult. They still imagine, pretend and role play sometimes. There is a school of thought that many teens crush on unobtainable targets (like celebrities and members of the opposite of sex who have no clue they exist) because it gives them the freedom of fantasy and the chance to feel romantic love without the pressure of having to actually deal with a relationship. Third, I would try to help your daughter understand that posting this stuff online is really dangerous. She could end up starting rumours about herself that she doesn't want to start, or having these posts could come back to haunt her years down the road. She applies for a job when she's 16 and somebody googles her, or just remembers her middle school and says, "hey I know her, don't hire her, she's been smoking pot and sleeping around since she was 13."

1 Comment

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms