Mother in Law Trouble

Patricia - posted on 08/06/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My husband and I have only been married for a month but we have been living together with our kids(2 mine from previous and his 1 from previous) and his mother constantly over indulges his daughter while ignoring mine. We just got our first house and she decided it was ok to buy just his daughter a full length wall mirror and not my kids and then took it apoun her self to put nails in my freshly painted walls to hang it without asking me where I wanted it and then she gave my daughter an old (ugly) lamp for her room while giving his daughter a brand new one!!!!!!!!!! I am at the end of my patience with this!!!!!!!!!!! at Christmas she spent approx. 50$ on each of my kids but spent over 200 on his daughter!!!!!!!!!! They are all close in age (13, 13 &15) so my kids definitely notice the over spoiling of his daughter compared to them and their feelings are really hurt by her actions. Any help on what I should do???? My husband has tried to tell his mom that she needs to be fair and she honestly thinks that she is being fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/07/2013

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Patricia, where are your parents in this?

The woman is your step daughter's bio grandma, and your kids' step grandma. She probably does think she's being more than fair by acknowledging the steps.

But don't your folks buy them things too??

You cannot dictate what your in-laws do. The most you can do is request that she not be so overly spendy on the biological grandchild, but you cannot demand it, and you will run the risk of a family rift.

Blending is hard. Some work out very nicely, some don't. In our family, we consider everyone FAMILY. The word "step" isn't in our vocabulary. My mother's husband is my Pop, and my dad is my Daddy. Pop's son is my younger brother, not step, not adopted, but BROTHER. Daddy's wife's kids are my youngest brother and my only sister on this side. But we're kind of unusual that way... ;-)

I will say, though, my grandparents did give us more than my younger brother (Pop's son), and my other grandparents gave us more than my youngest brother & sister...but that was their choice. And none of those kids felt slighted, because it wasn't the material things that mattered, but the love in the family, which has always been there.

Enna - posted on 08/07/2013

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I think it's entirely inappropriate. They are all both of your kids now that you are married. She needs to respect that. My mother in law is really bad about giving my kids more than her other grandchildren because her other "kids" are not hers, so their kids aren't really related to her either. It really upset my husband and I, but my husband is too passive. I confronted my mother in law about it and told her that if she couldn't be fair with the kids then she wasn't allowed to get my kids anything at all. She's gotten better, but she still does more for our kids. It's just not as obvious. She also used to treat my two daughters differently, and I put a fast stop to that too.
The main thing here is that you and your husband have to agree, if you don't, then you need to tackle husband first, then try to go for MIL. Just be straight up with her.

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Patricia - posted on 08/08/2013

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We have been living together as a family for 4 years. She does this stuff in front of my children on purpose. Almost like she is telling them that they are not her real grandkids. Her husband does not act that way at all. My parents treat them all exactly the same. We are a family and that is how we want her to see it!!!!!!!! She has gone so far as to tell my husband that he should be the only one to discipline her granddaughter and that I should take care of my own. She doesn't ask my permission for anything, only my husband! If anything bad happens it is automatically my fault.

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