My 13 y/o daughter making up lies... Food Disorder....

Kristen - posted on 11/04/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hello everyone,

Well I see that many of the problems I am having with my daughter seem to be in every teenage household!

Aside from the new boyfriend.... (which is making me want to pull out my hair)

My child's grades are dropping. My daughter has been tested for gifted twice (only a few points shy of making it each time) and makes straight A's/Superintendents list every year.... Then I get a call from the school telling me my daughter has a failing grade of "F" posted to this assignment, then another call the next day telling me about another "F" so I go online to look at all of my childs grades and find out that in ONE week my daughters grades were 3 F's, 2 D's, and 5 C's. That made for one furious Momma! So... we had already had a talk about her grades this year for another F she had made and came to the understanding that if it happened again, she would be grounded for a month.

Now she's grounded... I took her phone away but I left it at the house while I went to work in case of an emergency. Now, I'm not stupid. I knew when I left it that she would use it. So I asked her and of course she lied and said she didn't. Well, this morning I decided to look through her phone... She is telling LIES to her boyfriend. She is telling him that she is starving herself to lose weight. Which is NOT true. We eat as a family EVERY night! I KNOW she is eating. I actually have 13 pictures of her eating and being goofy on my phone right now! But that is not all. She also told him that I starved myself and lost 20 lbs. That is not true either. I just had a baby so I lost about 25 lbs from that.... I have always been UNDER weight and used to take weight gainer just to keep weight on me. I do not know why she is saying these things!!! Attention? Pity? Why?

She has told me that one of her friends are "cutting". This girl that is "cutting" does have a very hard life and is at my house as often as she possibly can be. Honestly, I don't believe she is. She wears shorts and either a tank top or t shirt at my house and she has no visible signs of anything...

I think they are going through some kind of "poor me" stage... What do yall (yes, I'm from the South) think?

2 Comments

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Kristen - posted on 11/06/2013

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DarkGLAMOR- Thanks for the reply!
Yes, she does have other siblings. She is the oldest of three. I think I'm going to take your advise and just "call her out" on it. I have thought about it and thought about it.... Ya know- I am thinking this may be something she and her friends are doing. Like a trend or something. Sounds pretty stupid but her friend gets attention (Pity) for her rough life... The only thing is, her friend really does have a "rough life". She stays at my house as often as possible.

I have thought about my life on a daily basis and my parenting.

I am at fault for a lot. Maybe she doesn't get the attention she needs and deserves. I guess you can say that the "daily grind" has just taken over my home. I need to make more time for them individually. She and I used to go on "mother/daughter dates" and I can't tell you the last time that we did. I feel like (and complain to my husband often) I run and run and run all day long and I don't have time for anything.... That's not life.

Now, with all of that being said, she is definitely at fault for her own actions! And this will be handled. It just really saddens me.

DarkGLAMOR - posted on 11/05/2013

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Hi Kristen! Do you have other kids?
We went through a similar thing with my 14 y/o stepson. The "poor me" phase (that's what I called it too lol) is pretty common at that age, especially if that child is a middle child. In our home it's just him and his older brother, but at his bio mom's he has two younger sisters as well. He often feels lost in the mix, and she may too, especially if there is another sibling who is an academic achiever (as his older brother is). That's one reason she could be doing this.
He is also gifted and his grades started to slip because he was spending too much time on video games. When he started bringing home D's and F's he went and told everyone who would listen (friends, counselors, teachers, etc.) that the reason why he "stopped trying" (he just plain wasn't doing any work) at school was because we all call him stupid and taunt him when he gets bad grades. He also said his brother beats him up all the time and that his dad tells him he wishes he never had him (all are SOOO NOT TRUE!).
1) So, this may sound rough but...CALL HER OUT! The reason why she is doing this is because she needs an excuse for her actions and doesn't have one. If she paints a picture to others of a dysfunctional home life than no one will hold HER accountable.
2) Talk to her about personal responsibility for mistakes. Things really turned around for him and his grades really improved when he figured out that not only was no one going to feel sorry for him but they were going to hold him in an even LOWER regard when they find out he's a liar.
3) Pay attention to the media she's ingesting. A lot of teen centered TV shows, books and movies portray the idea that in order for your life to be "interesting" it must be full of drama and difficult situations. Help her to see that her life can be just as exciting and meaningful with things being just fine :-)

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