My 13 year old boy was caught in a big lie.

Sandi - posted on 04/06/2010 ( 20 moms have responded )

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My son loves sleepovers. He asked if he could have a sleepover at a friends house (long time friend) and as I understand it the other boy did the same. So they both wandered around all night until they were caught at 7-11 by his Dad. The thing is, our son just got out of a grounding. He said they wandered around the hieghborhood but eekk things could have been bad. I know kids are going to try things and but holy crap so close out of another grounding.

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Amanda - posted on 04/09/2010

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Honestly I think all kids have pulled this trick at least once. I know I did lol. But that is not the point here. The point here is he could have got very hurt, or worse something could have happened and you could have lost him. So yes he needs to be grounded with ALL privlidges taken away. How long is up to you. But I would say this is a lesson learned to both of you. From now on a good idea is to have on file the phone numbers of his friends and his friends parents. He won't like this one bit. He's going say he doesn't want to be treated like a 5 year old. Your answer is simple, you want to act like an adult I'll treat you like one when you decide to become more responsable for your own actions and behaviors. So for now on when he says he is spending the night with a friend, say ok I need phone numbers including his parents so that I can call them and make sure it is ok for you to stay over there tonight. And even after you have called his parents, call again while he is there. Do not call the kids. They will make up stories like, well he's in the bathroom right now. Call the parents and just tell them you wanted to check to see how he is doing and if he needs anything, and if you can speak to him. When he comes to the phone just say hi honey just wanted to say I love you and I hope you're having fun. I might call back later. This should put an end to that.

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Mathew - posted on 08/20/2014

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Okay, i stumbled upon this post randomly, but my thought about it, is that i'm 18, i'm male, i've been in your sons situation. As boys, all we want to do is explore. In all honesty, groundings just take away privileges, you don't learn much from them, i was never grounded. ever. why? my parents trusted that i would be okay. My brother and i were two boys who wanted to see what was outside the yard, so we did. By all means, holding your kid hostage, then him wanting to venture off, then you grounding him, AGAIN, his lesson clearly wasn't learned.His mind is expanding as well as his want for something new at this age. i know this post is ages old. but for future parents reading, if you live in a bad neighborhood, sure be worried. But if your neighborhood is suburban, nice, and trustworthy, let your kid take initiative in life. Don't smother your kid, my mom always just sent me random texts asking how i was, which was nice ,and i would text back, that's her way of checking up. They don't constantly want to be bothered.. i know i didn't. Just take note :) Teenagers want to grow up and see outside of the yard. Don't control their every move!!

JasonHow - posted on 12/02/2012

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What the hell is wrong with u and groundings u want him to feel like dying ??? He will feel like he want to kill himself and won't like u like other kinds do

Sally - posted on 05/18/2012

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My son has been having sleepovers since he was 8 . I think there great. I don't understamd people who see bogey men everywhere, how to teach your child to be scared of everything ! Teach them instead whats right and wrong and how to deal with it. I have to say my son is now 15 and i still insist on talking to the parents before i agree. This is a lesson learnt from my eldest who went missing with her mates for a weekend, as you can imagine i was out of my mind with worry, so where the police. When she came home i couldn't shout, i was just so relieved but very upset. She says to this day that seeing what she pit me trough stopped her doing it again. So let him see how very scared you are for him and make him aware he will not be staying anywhere unless you talk to the parents first. Please don't listen to people who go oon about abuse.
Ground him for however long you think is best and then move on. He messed up big time but we all do, he needs a chance to prove his learnt a lesson.

Chendy - posted on 05/18/2012

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Thats Your opinion Sam!! That's how my mom raise me and I'm doing just fine.. I'll try to follow her lead and yes still be open for new ideas in case I have to..your idea is good too but sounds like your daughter is probably more mature than the boy on this case! It use to happen in my house girls more mature than boys..

Sam - posted on 05/17/2012

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WTF Chendy??? how the hell is it too dangerous to sleep at his mates house? your suggestion is not healthy for them, because they will only become more sneaky and totally unprepared for life, as parents we need to teach them how to be independent and not treat them like babies, I started by letting my daughter who is 13 hang around out the front at night then slowly widened her area she was allowed to go, the novelty soon wears off and they then have a life skill. But I am so going to kick her arse when she does sneak out because it is sly and lying.

Chendy - posted on 05/16/2012

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Don't let your kids stay at friends house is too dangerous specially if we know theyre curious..they may come up with bad ideas like this case! What if they get molested by his dad's friend! You never know..you should aloud him to spend time with his friend during the day and he should come back home at a decent time is healthy for them and better for your peace of mind!

Tonya - posted on 04/14/2010

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So scary. I wish kids would understand how dangerous it is to do things like that? Not sure if grounding or really scaring the crap out of him would work better. If a grounding didn't work last time, what make you think it is going to work this time? Isn't our goal as parents to teach right from wrong. Maybe trying another tactic this time?

Stacey - posted on 04/14/2010

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I would continually remind him how lucky he is that nothing happened to him. Let him know you are disapointed in him. Make him earn your trust back. Remove priveledges from him. And yes in the future follow up with the other parents. Some times it may be so "uncool" but its for the best intrest of your child and let him know that.

Louise - posted on 04/14/2010

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Why would you check a long term friend was telling the truth. Tell him he will have to earn your trust back before you let him go out again. Tell him that he has been very silly and that now you wil have to treat him like a baby until you think he can be trusted. Kids hate this. They do not like to be checked up on or picked up at this age and die of embarassment when mum turns up anywhere to take them home. Let him go out but on a short rain and insist that you pick him up and ring him on his mobile to check he is where he said he would be. If he tells no more lies gradually let go of the reins a bit. He will notice that you trust him again and should be grateful for the freedom. Grounding does not work just take away play stations and tv's out of his room for a week trust me he will be climbing the walls, and will think twice before lying to you again.

Rebecca - posted on 04/12/2010

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hello.,,,,,,,,,,i would make the punishment harder!!!! i didnt hurt him he didnt learn from it.....thank GOD YOUR ONE OF THOSE PARENTS THAT EVEN NOTTICED...GOOD LUCK..GOOD PARENTING

Michelle - posted on 04/11/2010

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you need to let him know if he can't be trusted then he will not have any privileges for awhile. let him know the trust you both had is now gone and he is not allowed to go places for awhile, and he needs to earn the trust back. then you make sure you call the parents when he does go again and keep track of him like a lil kid. this may embarrass him enough that he will think twice about it again.

Christine - posted on 04/11/2010

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YOU SHOULD ALWAYS HAVE THE NUMBER TO WHERE HIS STAYING AND CHECK WITH THE PARENTS BEFORE ANY CHILD STAYS ANYWHERE, MAKE SURE BOTH PARENTS HAVE CONFIRMED THAT THEY ARE STAYING THERE, SORRY TO SAY BUT HE PULLED THE WOOL OVER YOUR EYES, MAYBE YOU NEED TO TAKE ABIT MORE INTEREST IN WHAT AND WHO HIS FREINDS ARE, AND THANK GOD NOTHING HAPPENED TO HIM.....PULL THE RAINES ABIT TIGHTER!!!!

Senobia - posted on 04/09/2010

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And it never occurred to you to call and check on him at the friend's house? Not even once? To see if he had supper, needed money, if they were going anywhere?

Amazing.

Steffanie - posted on 04/06/2010

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Explain to him how disapointed you are in him, and that he could have gotten hurt, pick by a sexual predator or worse! For now on make sure that you check up with the other parents when he is having a sleepover. Than ground his butt for at least a month... Sometimes I have no idea what kids think.. My kid just did something just as boneheaded.... Boys!

Stacy - posted on 04/06/2010

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they think they can do what ever they want too. i ground my son who is 13.but still gets into trouble

Jane - posted on 04/06/2010

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Grounded for life!!!!! Seriously, I'd be grounding him for about 6 months for that one.

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