My 13 year old daughter's new COOL STEPMOM-HELP!!

Patricia - posted on 08/25/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hi Moms:

My ex got remarried this past April, and his new wife is a 45 year old real sexy gal that has no children and she is now buying my conservative, sweet, kind and considerate 13 year old daughter daisy duke shorts, short, short hot pants, pencil tight jeans for her new school year, and taking my daughter to Bebe and other high-end stores, also taking her for massages, facials, manicures and pedicures and taking her to the gym with her so they can "work out" together. I am so livid I could lift my car!

My sweet girl is now mouthing off to me, telling me her stepmom is really cool and nice, much nicer than me, telling me her cooking is better than mine, that their house is always picked up and perfect, and my daughter also said the other day "Mom, you need a boyfriend.". Can you believe that? For the record, I have male friends but they are just that; friends I go to movies, plays or out to dinner with once in a while. I have NO EXTRA TIME for a real deep relationship with all my other responsibilities at the moment. Men are wonderful but they take a lot of time and energy; similar to a garden.

So how should I handle this new stepmom and her extravagant lifestyle? She obviously married her Dad for his money and now she's having a blast spending it and "buying" my unsuspecting, humble, thrifty daughter off. Help!

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Patricia - posted on 08/25/2012

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Thank you, Bobbi; that was nice to read right before I went to bed. I will keep on doing what I am doing. I feel better and as you say, everybody on my ex's side is in the "honeymoon phase."

Bobbie - posted on 08/25/2012

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This too shall pass. Think of it this way. Your daughter is in the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship with this woman. She doesn't really know her yet and the woman is putting her energy into getting your daughter to not only accept her but to ensure her new husband sees her making every effort to have your daughter like her. Unfortunately hurtful things are in store for your daughter. Relationships such as that are destructive when the real person shows up the pampering, gift buying stops. Thank goodness you sound very level headed and are a constant voice of reason in your daughter's life. Just living your life, showing her a good example is the very best thing you can do. When inappropriate clothes come home with her you can let her know as tactfully as possible that they are not for school. What I told my daughter in this situation was this. "Proper dress is not my rule, it is society's rule. What you wear sends a message. Those clothes send a negative message. When you see girls wearing these clothes do you also see how they act? You can keep these clothes for weekend visits to see your dad. Wear them to his house first and ask him if he thinks they are school appropriate because I don't"

As far as the stepmom goes, she has her own issues and at 45 your daughter is probably more like a barbie doll to dress up. That will end soon enough and your daughter will be so glad that she has a stable mom such as yourself who doesn't make boyfriends a priority over her daughter. Then she will get back on track.

My daughter told me that she just had to set her stepmom straight when the SM said, your mother just doesn't take care of herself. My daughter said, "slapping make up on you face and squeezing into clothes too young for you isn't taking care of yourself. Don't ever criticize my mother again". Now this was a relationship that started out much like your daughter's has but I'm telling you that it gets old fast because it is so superficial.

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