My 13-Year-Old Son May Be Sexually Active

Patty - posted on 09/20/2013 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My son just turned 13 years old. He has a girlfriend and I have met her and her parents. I think he might be sexually active if not I do believe he is doing other things. His gf texted him that her period will be over in 2 days and she can wear a thong. I know this is going to happen sooner or late, but I am not ready for this. I have had the talk with him, but what do I do to keep this under control? I don't want to forbid them to see each other because he will do it behind my back and rebel. I have to set rules and crack down on this, because he is not going to be a teenage father. I refuse to let sex ruin my sons future. If anyone has been through this, I would love to hear stories and get some advice.

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Aileen J - posted on 09/20/2013

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And finally don't beat yourself up for not knowing my teenage daughter had a boyfriend for four months before I knew ( she is 13) they have parted but no matter how careful we are they will always surprise us and if they had remained together who knows

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/20/2013

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Sounds like it's time to sit down with both families and state expectations and rules. Since my kids weren't allowed to date until 16 (and neither of them really has a desire to date anyway), I didn't have to worry, but you have allowed the intimate relationship at a much younger age, which is your right as a parent, and I'm not questioning that.

However, if you're allowing the relationship, you need to set clear expectations for both of them, and preferably both sets of parents need to agree.

Aileen J - posted on 09/20/2013

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I wish you every success parenting teenagers is a huge challange and responsibility I am an older mum and barely recognise the world they are growing up in try to be grateful you found out before they made a huge mistake

Patty - posted on 09/20/2013

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Thanks for your post. I agree, I am going to arrange a meeting with me , my ex and her parents. We all have to be on the same page, or it's never going to work.

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Frenulum - posted on 01/14/2014

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Everyone has their own pace and it won't really matter for the rest of his life. You survived. Give him some straightforward sex ed and plenty of condoms. It's about all you can do.

Diane - posted on 01/12/2014

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I've been through some of this with 2 teenage boys. The first was 15 when he had his first girlfriend & I suspected they were sexually active. At first her mom & I tried very hard to always keep an eye on them, but they were very creative about slipping away!

I talked to my son about birth control and then I talked to his girlfriend as well. I told them that IF they were having sex they needed to be using condoms, even if she was on the pill (for other reasons). I reminded them frequently.

With both sons, I had this discussion with each and every girlfriend. The second one didn't have his first serious girlfriend until he was 17, and I knew she was on the pill for other reasons, but I had the talk about condoms anyway. The pill is not 100% effective, especially with girls who are likely to forget.

I know my sons were sometimes embarrassed by these discussions, especially with the girlfriends, but I didn't care. The boys are 27 & 22 now, and so far we've avoided any problems, so maybe it helped.

All you can do is talk to him and to the girlfriend. Trust me, you can try, but you won't keep them from seeing one another unless you have him locked up 24-7!
At 13 they are really too young to be having sex and dealing with the consequences, both physical and emotional. Hopefully they are not actually having sex yet, but if they are, condoms!

Patty - posted on 09/20/2013

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It was a shock to me... I am going to get with her parents and talk about this. I am not sure if they have had sex, but from the text it looks like they are headed that way.

Aileen J - posted on 09/20/2013

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This must have been a huge shock to you I think you need to talk to him first then to the girl and perhaps her mother they need to use protection if they are going to be active and I suspect from your text that they have progressed sexually quite far

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