My 13 yr. old franddaughter is cutting herself

Gloria - posted on 01/27/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My 13 yr old granddaughter is cutting herself with a razor on her arms she has done this before sat her down talked with her sad she does this when she is sad.But she was never going to do this again and here we are she went through school counceling.She stopped for awhile.She is a very big girls is eating all the time i just don't know where to go from here.She will not go to conceling again. please help despret grandmother.

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Kristi - posted on 01/31/2013

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I have been cutting since I was 15. I am 41. I had a couple of years here and there when I didn't and some months here and there also. I finally stopped when I couldn't explain it away from my daughter anymore. She started asking if it was her fault, if she were a better daughter I wouldn't need to do it. I'm not quite sure how I was able to quit cold turkey. It was the only coping mechanism I knew. I was 39 when I quit for good.

I didn't get properly diagnosed until I was in my mid 20's. I had moved 1500 miles away from my family when I was 19. I did not have any "on hand" support. I got counseling on and off. Since I was improperly diagnosed I was put on the wrong medication so it didn't help much.

Several years later, after yet another bad episode that put me inpatient for the umpteenth time, my mom got me into one of top drs in the country who specializes in people with my condition. I finally got a top therapist, too. We made a real connection. I really trusted these people. They could see through my bullshit. Once they got me stablized and got me on the right meds in the right doses, I started taking DBT classes. These classes teach you how to deal with conflict. You learn how to think in the here and now and how to think logically instead of responding soley based on your emotions. You learn positive coping skills and much more. You want to get into a class that lasts at least a year, if not 2. It takes time to learn the skills and then to apply them naturally. To learn more about DBT just google it. I can't spell what each letter stands for! Lol

Usually cutting is a release. It is the way we show the that we are suffering but it doesn't show on the outside, cutting and the scars shows that it is real. I cut for several reasons. I did it when I got overwhelmed. When I was extremely angry or desperate. When I felt like I was a horrible person and I deserved it. Some people who self harm don't just use one method so be vigilent. Sometimes they binge and purge or burn themselves, drinking or using drugs. Counseling is a must. She might just go and sit in there at first but she'll open up. Don't be afraid to switch counselors if they don't click.

My mom is key in my life. She listens. She loves me unconditionally. She doesn't judge. She is patient and she never expressed being tired of hearing me crying over the same problems over and over. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you.

Leesa - posted on 01/30/2013

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My sd lives with us fulltime and she has just started doing this me and my bf found razors and tissues in her bedroom. Her mother has treated her like an out cast her whole life and she is at the stage now at 14 that she has all the per pressure to deal with too. I have told her father to take her to see someone but she refuses to go too, I know if she were my bio daughter i would be making her weather she likes it or not. Her father lets her do what ever she wants and doesn't really have many rules, she sits in her room all day and nite hardly talks to anyone in the house and is completely addicted to social media, she failed most off her school last year because she was more interested in Facebook then doing homework. Because I'm only her stepmum i keep out off it and consentrate on my 3 kids. She likes to blame everyone for her childhood an mother being mean to her on everyone now that is trying to help her but if i were u i would be MAKING your granddaughter get help as like i said if i had my way my sd would be seeing a doctor tommorrow

Helen - posted on 01/27/2013

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Don't beat yourself up about what you did or didn't do. My mum was always very cold and critical of me growing up and I had lots of problems like this too. I tried to be so different and would consider myself really close to my girls so imagine how shocked I was when my daughter began to cut herself. I went for a couple of sessions and my councillor reminded me that whatever I have done for my kids I have done my best with what I knew at the time. I'm sure it is the same for you. Kids are under huge pressure from their friends, the media, the whole world. If your granddaughter has weight issues she is coming to an age where this will be difficult for her. But with you and her other family there to support her I'm sure that with proper help she'll get through. I hope you have somebody to support you and give you a hug. It's not easy being the one who has to take care of everyone if you don't have someone to give you a helping hand. Good luck!!

Gloria - posted on 01/27/2013

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Thank you so much Helen and yes i do beleave i really need to get her some help .I just feel so bad i don't know if its from something i did or what never thought this would happen.She was always so happy.I took custody of her 2 yrs ago due to some issues with her and her mom .But i never dreamed of it being like this . Her and her mother have a good relationship now but she insist shhe does not want to go back and live with her again thank you .

Helen - posted on 01/27/2013

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I'm so sorry to hear your granddaughter is cutting Gloria. I have a daughter who did this and really the best thing we did was take her to a clinical psychologist to be assessed. Over 12% of teenagers hurt themselves and it tends to escalate rather than get better without proper intervention. My daughter didn't like the school councillor but she was happy to go to a proper psychologist in a clinic. She felt we were taking her problems seriously. She didn't want to go at first but as a friend said to me, if she had a disease or an illness of her body I wouldn't give her a choice of whether to get treatment or not. She has an illness in her mind. Bring her for treatment. Hope this is helpful. She is lucky to have such a caring grandma!

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