My 14 year old daughter

Cheryl - posted on 06/30/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I just don't understand her! She wants a boyfriend so bad! She has one but she doesn't want to spend anytime at all with him! They text back and fourth 24/7. To suggest they go to a movie or something even on a double date with HER friend and boyfriend doesn't want to so it! Try to talk to her about this and doesn't want to talk to me! My question is why does she not want to spend time with this boy?

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Chet - posted on 07/01/2014

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It's not generational. Boyfriend / Girlfriend just means different things at different ages. A lot of kids (probably most) aren't ready to "date" at 12 or 14. They are interested in the opposite sex and are very slowly easing their way into relationships.

Twenty five years ago it was talking on the phone and writing notes. When I was 13 lots of kids would talk on the phone for hours with their "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" and then they would barely speak when they were in the same room. Ten years ago my cousins thought it was hilarious that their little sister had a boyfriend - she was 14 and all they did was chat on instant messenger, and dance to the slow songs at school dances (the rest of the time she hung out with her female friends and he hung out with his male friends).

There is a theory that teen girls develop huge crushes on celebrities other unobtainable targets of affection because it lets them daydream about having a boyfriend without actually having the pressure of a real relationship.

In any case, I think what you're describing is very normal for middle school relationships. I would worry a lot more about a 13 or 14 year old who wanted to really date and have a boyfriend in a more mature / adult sense.

Josephine - posted on 06/30/2014

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Well I have a 14 year old son who seems the same - endless texting & msgs online but seems to lack the confidence to actually go on normal 'dates'... maybe it's a generational thing??

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