My 14 year old daughter is refusing to go to school (gr.10). She wants to get online courses instead for one year. She keep saying about her anxiety, depression . I really don't know what should I do. Please help me with our suggestions

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Enna - posted on 09/06/2013

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Is she being treated for anxiety/depression? Is she seeing a counselor? Sitting home alone, isolated from other kids is probably not going to help her with anxiety or depression. I've had to deal with that stuff before, and I can tell you that the only way out is through. She's got to worth through the problems or she won't be able to get past them. You really need to talk to a doctor/therapist about this though. And talk to her school counselor.
Also, don't let her "refuse" to go to school. You can work things out with her and come up with a plan, but it's your responsibility to keep her in school, even if you have to drive her there kicking and screaming every day. If you let her start taking control, then she's not going to respect you or do what you say.

Lynn - posted on 09/11/2013

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Aggie, there must be an underlying reason for her not wanting to go to school. Possibly, you can take this opportunity to compromise with her and agree on the basis that her grades stay up and she continues to apply herself. See how it goes for a year, if it is no better then you should get her back into regular school. She is obviously not too depressed because she wants to continue her education, just outside of the classroom. Don't think of this as giving in or letting her win. Consider it a chance to meet your daughter halfway for once. Every issue should not be made into a tug-o-war.

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Jill - posted on 09/13/2013

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Does she have a talent or what does she enjoy? Can you match anything to a club or class? You have to make her face this. She will resist you so much. However, if she is doing something she enjoys it won't be as long or difficult. I've been through this with my daughter 3 times. She's 16 now and she's confident. Don't let her think she had a say you are the parent. She is playing you. I understand more than you think. My daughter really has panic attacks. In 9th grade she was sexually assaulted in the girls bathroom by 3 black girls (she is a small white girl and was new to this school) at lunch. I had to pull her from the school only one of the girls was expelled. It was a gang inanition she was in danger if she stayed. So I get it. I did get her into therapy with in 24 hours. I did everything by the book. I was not going to let her use that to against me to play the victim. She watched me cry for months when it happened. She had my number. She started pulling more anxiety attaches or panic attached out on me. Im a nurse we get patients in the ER w them. Well, a "real attach" feels like a heart attach. She was uncomfortable in situations of talking about certain things etc. no way was she going to do that. She is survivor. It took her 2 weeks and she was ok. She wouldn't tell me that. I was in contact w her teachers. She was even talking too much in one class. Oh one thing I did do was have a teachers conference. I asked the teachers to make an effort to talk to her or include her etc. when we have to start a job we don't know anyone it's uncomfortable. This is a life lesson. You have 3.5 years left to get her ready. Don't handicap her.

Donna - posted on 09/12/2013

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Sometimes it's the kids who want to go to school the least who need it the most. If she is not being treated for depression and anxiety, I would get her some help as soon as possible. Why are her other family members siding with her and against you?

Aggie - posted on 09/12/2013

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Thank you got your words. It's really hard when she got so many supporters in my family. She moved to my mom's and her dad is helping her to enroll in some school when you meet with the teacher once in two weeks! ...but there is no electives !
She doesn't talk to me, she thinks I'm so against her , everybody loves her but not me.

Suzette - posted on 09/07/2013

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Hi I was reading about a article. about Mutismn. can cause anxiety in a child. they say MS can play a role in that also. I think you should look into Mutismn. seek the advise of a professional. my daughter gets like that at times. and I do beleived it is interferring with her socializing with other kids.

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