My 14 year old daughter's "virtual boyfriend" broke up with her

Chancelina - posted on 03/03/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

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This will be my daughter's 2nd breakup by a boy since July. Neither boys seems to have time to meet at church or respond to her birthday party etc. While still jealous and obsessed about her BF from the summer, she met another boy at youth group. Every single time she planned to go to youth group or church, he was sick...had something to do etc. They have only seen each other like 3 times in 5 months. He didn't even have the courtesy (nor his mom) to RSVP to my daughter's 14th birthday which was a mixture of boys and girls a few weeks ago. They go to different schools, and suddenly today after an "I love you.". Today, he says it's not worth it because they don't see each other or text that often. This was via text and not a phone call. One or the other always has phone restrictions due to grades, consequences etc. The last time my daughter saw him (I was not encouraging anything but to be friends) was close to Christmas. A few times she went to youth group or church, he bailed for one reason or another but vowed his love for her up until yesterday. Now, the end of the quarter is next week and she has two Ds at school and an F. This will consume her and her grades will suffer. She has anxiety and a mood disorder. I tried to advise her not to tell her entire class (which is small) because of the drama she seems to always create. I hurt for her, but I knew this one wasn't going to last since we did not really encourage it and thought it would just fizzle out from lack of contact. I think he should call her and talk to her and not say "it's not worth it." in a text.

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Chancelina - posted on 03/05/2015

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I am not saying that due to ADHD that's why I can't get through to my kid. She lives in her own fantasy world...and I never encouraged any BF/GF relationship ever. I guess if I take her phone until she is 18...I will not have these issues with her. Every youth group she attends, someone likes her and of course, she likes them. No self control. She has more than ADHD which I wasn't posting. She also predispositioned to being bi-polar or having a split personality disorder. Without her phone, she would have no social life at all due to the kids at her supposed Christian school which is very small. I was just reaching out at the moment because I was upset for my daughter. I get that you have to write your entire life story for people to understand really what's going on. Thank you for comments. And yes, that's why I say no BF just be friends because that's really what's going to get you through life. While I respect your comments, I just don't feel this is the forum for me. Thank you. My concern is that all teens are opting for texting instead of talking. I guess that's the wave of the future. I blocked that Jennifer...yet she still shows up. I am done.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/05/2015

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Well, that jennifer bitch is a troll, plain and simple. Don't feed it, and it will eventually go away (or have it's computer privileges rescinded for being a stupid bitchy teen who isn't listening to her own parents...)

Chancelina, While I do not agree with a 14 yo having an online boyfriend, I will say this. 14 YO kids are not emotionally mature enough for that type of relationship, as you've seen. This boy is not going to call her personally to 'break up'...because they were never really going out.

At most, she should text him a thank you for not wasting any more of her time, and leave it at that. ADHD does not indicate that you cannot help your child get through these teenage stages, it is not an excuse for why it is 'so hard' to get things through to her. Having an ADHD child means that you adapt your approaches to something that works with them.

At any rate, good luck. Have your daughter text him a TY and TTFN and move forward.

Jennifer - posted on 03/05/2015

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Why do you always reply to me you idiot. Don't you have anything else better to do instead of replying to my comments? Love you Mom ♥

Love Jennifer ♥

Trisha - posted on 03/05/2015

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Jennifer is just an ignorant jerk (probably a kid who signed up to cause trouble), who doesn't understand that people come here to truly try to understand their children by talking to other people.
My stepson was diagnosed with ADHD, so I have some experience, but it has been limited. He seems to for the most part have grown out of any of the symptoms of it as he got into a more active lifestyle. Apartment living I believe was a good portion of his problem.
I agree, telling your daughter to NOT do something is exactly how you would get her to do it anyways.
I would really start getting her to do 30 minutes of homework before she has access to any of her friends though (through phone/computer etc). It might help her get her grades up, as that seems to be what matters most to her.
It is unfortunate that you are not posting any-more based on the post of one person. i wish you the best of luck.

Jennifer - posted on 03/05/2015

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I don't know why you are saying I need help.. That's just that the way I help my kids... We all have different ways to correct our kids and that just happens to be my way.. If one day you want me to babysit your kids I can babysit for $15 an hour.. Your kids will be safe with me..

Love Jennifer ♥

Chancelina - posted on 03/04/2015

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Hi Trisha - The more I talk about just being friends the more it escalates behind my back. I would rather know what she is doing than trying to fool me by going to places this boy may be. I took her phone for 10 weeks. It didn't help matters. If you don't have a kid who has ADHD or a mood disorder, then it's really tough to understand what I go through on a daily basis. I don't encourage anything except friendship. She was just so distraught yesterday, I reached out. Common sense is out the window because he said "I love you" and so did she. I emphasize her schoolwork and how to keep friends. She is a strong-willed child who wants her way.

Do you know this Jennifer because I saw you on a post with her? This will be my last post for I am just not sure if kids are signing up to criticize or not.

Chancelina - posted on 03/04/2015

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Hi again Jennifer - I looked at all your 9 postings and they were personal attacks on everyone. You have called everyone stupid or dumb. You need some help. I have blocked you.

Chancelina - posted on 03/04/2015

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Jennifer - Your post was not helpful or nice. I hope you are able to help someone. I thought this was a help forum not berating someone about things you don't know everything about.

Trisha - posted on 03/04/2015

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...Wow... Though I don't agree with your daughter starting relationship's this early in the game, I do not agree with Jennifer. She is your child. This doesn't make you a bad parent, it just means that you don't focus on the same priorities as Jennifer does.
I would however sit down and talk with her and encourage her to stop focusing on boys and relationships and focus on her friendships and schoolwork for awhile. And by encourage I mean, I make her start doing homework every day before she starts communicating with her 'boyfriends' and 'friends'.
Honestly, I was obsessing about one boy or another starting at 12 years old. Like, talking no a daily basis to someone for at least 2 hours over the internet. I got my heart broken 2 times by the time I was 17.

Jennifer - posted on 03/04/2015

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your daughter is stupid, she shouldn't have a boyfriend at the age of 14. YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PARENT!!!! SHE SHOULD BE GROUNDED FOR HAVING 2 D'S AND A F, FOR 6 YEARS!!!! BAD PARENTING!!

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