My 14 yr old son has absolutely no respect for me. How to handle this?

Michelle - posted on 04/10/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My son is 14 and has had emotional and behavioral issues since he was 5-6. Now he is old some things have improved tremendously and others have not. A couple of months ago, he stated he can't stand to hear my voice or even the sight of me. Of course, that hurt me to hear my son basically can't stand me. Over this past weekend, we went out of town to visit family. My son tells our family that he will listen to anyone but me and he could care less what I have to say. I am a single mom of two and my children are night and day; However, his attitude is washing off on my 7 yr old. We have been through counseling and other needs to help guide in a more positive direction. I am no saint myself but I really try to be a good mom. I do feel that I am a failure because my son is so negative and complains a lot! Most of the time I feel he doesn't want to help his self. I do try and have a civilized mother son talk just with us to ask how he feels and what I can do to help, etc... He tells me nothings wrong. Most of his answers are I don't know and whatever or just silence. There is a lot more I could type but this is the main concern and maybe the root of most issues. Any advise?

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Lynn - posted on 09/11/2013

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Teens live to argue with their parents. If we don't agree, it is an argument. If we agree, it is an argument. We must learn to compromise with our adolescents. It is going to be difficult because as parents we want to help them avoid any rough spots, but not every bump in the road is as devastating as we may believe.
I know people that have body tattoos and several piercing who have successful happy lives today (better than mine). Maybe you can take your son to the piercing shop and talk to the expert inside to get his/her view. While you are there you may even find a more agreeable option. This is a step to helping your son learn to make informed decisions while retaining some parental control.
The truth is he can probably get it done without you, but it would be safer with you.

Cheryl - posted on 09/05/2013

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I do the very same thing you do and he still continues to Argue and say to me " I am a fighter and I won't stop fighting for what I want until I get it!". He is 14 and that was his response when I said I would not allow him to get his ears Gauged. Not sure if I spelled that right :). Big holes in his ears. My explanation for no, was that I didn't want him to regret it when he goes to an interview for a good paying job. I just am exhausted explaining myself. I am getting him into counseling next week and also doing it with him. Anyway, would appreciate any support :)

Tabitha - posted on 04/11/2012

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I sometimes catch some crap from other moms on here for being too harsh, but my oldest is the same age and he learned a long time ago that treating your parents(and other authority figures) with respect is #1!! He may not always agree with what I'm saying or doing, but he knows back talk and negative attitude is not the way to get me to listen. Your son needs to learn that he'll have to work for the things that he wants and needs when he's older. If he never learns to respect authority, he will be buttin heads with every boss he'll ever have. Yes, I'm harsh...here's what I would do: He'd get 1 warning only, treat me with respect and do what you're told/asked to do or all of your extras will become my extras(phone, computer, tv, hangin with friends). Then you'll be earning them back one by one. Don't be talkin back, don't be slammin dishes around when it's your turn, slammin doors will only cause me to take it off the hinges...that sort of thing. If I say something my son disagrees with, he knows he can come to me and say, "Mom, I'd like to discuss your opinion or decision about _____". He's changed my mind a few times with valid arguments and I've changed his. Bottom line is, you're the parent, and even kids who have issues or have had issues, still need to follow the rules.

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