My 14 yr old son is quiet and not motivated to do anything.

Connie - posted on 02/28/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I have a son who is 14 and is a pretty quiet and laid back kid. Our problem is that we try to talk to him and get him to talk to us but he won't. It's just 1 or 2 word answers. And he won't look at us when we talk to him. We worry about him because he is so quiet. And also he seems to never have homework to do at home. He has failed 2 classes so far this year and he says he will work harder but we have heard this for the past 3 years. Even in middle school he struggled. We had him at Huntington for approx. 9 months and everything he learned there he doesn't apply at school or at home. We don't know what else we can do. There have been priviledges taken away due to bad grades and lying about homework like taking his Xbox away and having him do more around the house but nothing seems to click with him.
I truly would appreciate some help with this. He is a good kid and I know that he is capable of such great things BUT he doesn't care!

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Deidre - posted on 08/24/2012

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My son was the same way at 13-14 however ONE of the many teachers he had in middle school helped others realize what I already had but nobody would listen. He had difficulty comphreheding and needed just alittle more time in his school work with that being found he was provided the right resources and then became confident in himself. He is now a senior is High school on the wrestling team since 10th grade and still alittle anti-social but has made few friends and his GPA went up from 2.4 to a 3.7. Not saying that your son may have what mine did but there are those little things that get overlooked. I noticed my son having this difficulty since 5th grade but nobody would listen they chalked it up to lazy and after awhile my son was doing the same until that wonderful teacher finally saw what I did. It doesnt hurt to get it checked out. I agree with Melissa maybe its not that he doesnt care maybe he doesnt know how to get from A to B. Hope this helps. Good Luck

Melissa - posted on 03/01/2010

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I'm sure he does care, he just doesn't know how to get from A to B... there may be something he's struggling with that he can't articulate...

that said, I find that the best time to talk with my 14-year old son is in the car... there's a natural "no eye contact" of being in the car plus he's a captive audience... the other thing we did was instead of grounding or punishing him, we did a reverse approach and jokingly referred to it as "lock down" - that doing the things he needed to do were the keys to doing the things he wanted to do...he had the keys, we didn't have to give/withold permission because he was in charge... we also posted "commitments, responsibilities, and agreements" on the fridge - things that applied to him as well as to us... hope this helps!

You might also call the school counselor and have him/her check in with your son... good luck!

Patricia - posted on 02/28/2010

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Welcome to the language of boys....I have two boys, and too often I feel like I know how cave people communicated..with a ugh here and a arg there...it is VERY frustrating to say the least....and as hard as it is, as parents we need to get down to their level and ask them what will help them and the situation...most schools have a web-site where you the parents can not only check their grades, but also see what their missing assignments are..you can always keep in contact with their teachers as to what they have as far as homework. Than allow your son to set up a time he feels is an appropriate time to set aside for homework...by him setting the ground rules, he will have no other choice to follow through. My eldest son was in 8th grade(now 18 and a senior) he got 4 F's on his report card....I just look at him and said...look, going to school and doing what is expected of you is YOUR job...and probably one of the easiest jobs you'll ever have...it is up to you to ask questions and for help...I have said all that I can and I am running out of answers...the next year, he did bring all his grades up. I know my son is smart, but only when he feels the need to be...I pray every day that he will graduate. As parents, when we go through all the right channels to help our children exceed, but they in return need to learn that they have to meet us half way...

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ButNana - posted on 03/07/2014

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My ten year old grandson is very smart, just not so much in school. He gets from a's to f's. At home he can do and speak on anything, very intelligently. I think the whole school setting is not for all kids.

[deleted account]

I also have a son that will be 14 in a week. I can totally understand everything you are going through. We have been struggling, as well as our son I am sure. I know being a teen in this day and age can't be easy, neither is being a parent.Our son doesn't hang out with a bad element or anything. His friends, the few he has at this point in time, are great kids. He is actually somewhat antisocial. He is really so outgoing, funny and friendly, or was. Hopefully he will make it through efficiently and with the knowledge of how to deal. That is not the way it feels when he looks at me partially through the hair that he makes sure hangs over his eyes when he is upset or not. It is a new day everyday, that's what I say to him .

Shirley - posted on 03/01/2010

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For the school part of it:..Here we have "Teacherease.com" where online you have direct communication with all thier teachers,classes and school/homework current past and future assignments. any trouble with Teachers/ classes. direct email to each teacher, all incomplete assignments.With teacher ease there is nothing you can't find out. just ask the principal if they have it, and he'll set you up with an email for your own direct access. its a great tool.
Could he possibly depressed? Have you considered talking to your dr. about his withdrawn behavior?
possibly have him tested in school for learning difficlties?
how does he react when you take the xbox away?
our rule is if you have a "d" at any time, they have no electronics or outside of "family or sport obligated activites. no excuses, no discussions.not to say they never get thier grade down to a D durring the quarter, but I gaurentee they fight like hell to take care of it. We do the same with missing/ late assignments.the hardest part of making any discipline work is long time follow through. they'll do anything to break you,get you to give in. once you cave any little bit for any reason, no mattewr how good, it's over, they've won and your authority on the subject is nil. it may take a week or 2 months to get him to realize you mean buisiness. But once they realize you are going to stand firm, they will conform to your rules,what ever it takes to get thier stuff and freedom.

But I really would incourage you to talk to his Dr. about his withdrawn behavior, and make sure the Dr. is informed of any trauma in his life, that inadvertably could be playing apart of his behavior.
good luck. I hope to here more of how he is.and I HOPE ITS ALL GOOD!

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