my 15 year old daughter in love for the first time with a girl

Lili - posted on 12/27/2012 ( 25 moms have responded )

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What you do when you only child tells you she is atracted to girls.

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Kristi - posted on 01/05/2013

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Yes Julia, that's the first thing she should do because if someone is gay they must be confused.

Lili--

Just love her and treat her as you would if she told you she liked boys. You obviously have a good relationship with her if she felt comfortable enough with you to tell you something that is often very difficult to deal with for one's self let alone telling your parents.

I don't know your personal or religious beliefs about homosexuality so that is something you'll have to work out on your own. Just remember, she is the same beautiful daughter she was 5 minutes before she told you she was interested in girls...does that make you love her any less?

You are blessed that she's open with you. Just keep talking and being supportive and loving. You will all be fine!

Molly - posted on 01/24/2013

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Hi Lili,
One of my twins told me she was confused about her "feelings" and had and "issue". After a long conversation, we got to the bottom of it...she thinks she likes boys AND girls, she Googled it - lol, and found the word Bi-Sexual. I said, "o.k. but what's the 'issue'?" She was surprised because she thought I was going to be SO angry. I told her feelings are feelings, and they're HER feelings, and no one else's. If she's happy, then her dad and I would be happy. Period end. If she was confused between boys and girls she had PLENTY of time to figure it out-she's only 12. And if she never figured it out, then again...her happiness is really all that matters to us and we'll always be here for her to talk to.

Now was I surprised? Of course I was!!! But at the end of the day, I think that's really want we want, right? For our kids to be happy.

Tanya - posted on 01/13/2013

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What is the one thing parents want for their children?? Happiness right? So it really shouldn't matter as long as she is happy! Put your own thoughts, beliefs, hopes and dreams aside and support her decision. She is lucky to have the support you are giving her. Sexuality is not a choice it is what is in us. Just be proud that you have raised a strong daughter who is willing to do what it takes to find her own happiness!

Patricia Ann - posted on 01/12/2013

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my daughter told me this in high school and at first I had a not so good reaction, i handled it poorly at first,i didnt want to understand it,i went through all these emotions and all i did was let her down instead ....Then i grew up and realized that this is my child i love her no matter what, this is who she is ,she is bi and i love her to the end......we did use counceling and all and this is who she is and im her loving mother.......

Cecilia - posted on 01/07/2013

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i used to be friends with many gay males. I knew i was strait. I've always known. Guess what when i ask them, they always knew they were gay.

Just like everyone says, everyone wonders if they are gay. Gay people wonder if they are really strait.

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Sheri - posted on 01/13/2013

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Lili,

The first thing you do is say I LOVE YOU and give her a hug. The next thing you do is say that dating and relationships is new territory for both of you and it is something you will be working through together. I am surprised by how many of my daughter's friends consider themselves to be bi-sexual. At this time there is usually more acceptance amongst teens for girls that are looking for their sexual identity. Support her in this. I would suggest making sure you keep open dialogue with her. She is talking to you and you do not want that to stop. You should lay out your expectations in regards to dating and just don't be gender specific. Instead of no boys in room, say no dates in room.

You might want to contact a local LGBT group and find a young woman that has been where your daughter is. She might be able to help you understand what your daughter needs from you most right now. I applaud you for being strong and keeping your daughter's needs as the top priority. You're a good mom, more kids need this kind of support.

Missi - posted on 01/06/2013

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You accept her for who she is,my daughter for a little while was interested in girls I high school.I think they like to experiment with the same sex ,good luck

Missi - posted on 01/06/2013

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You accept her for who she is,my daughter for a little while was interested in girls I high school.I think they like to experiment with the same sex ,good luck

Kristi - posted on 01/06/2013

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Funny, I didn't need therapy to know I liked boys and I never entertained the thought of being with girls. Not because it was evil or sick but because I knew I liked boys period. So what if it's not a phase, does that mean there is something wrong with her or she is less of a person? I should think not. It is sad and disappointing if her own mother can't accept her for who she is.

Lili - posted on 01/06/2013

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Thank you all.Yes I have a good relationship with my daughter. I try to be her mother and friend.This is a little to much for me.She is a strait A student and very serios.I hope it is just a phase in her life.

Julia - posted on 01/06/2013

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Kids don't know they're gay when their teenagers,they experiment with sex,drugs,and hook up with the same gender.Everyone @ some point in their life has thought about it.She could be going through a phase or maybe she is that way,but therapy definitely helps!

Cecilia - posted on 01/04/2013

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I'd say do the same thing as you would if your 15 yr old daughter was in love for the first time with a boy. Now to figure that one out :)

Jacqueline - posted on 01/01/2013

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Tell her her feelings are her feelings and if she feels this then support her. It may be an exploration, it may be part of her permanent personality and character.

Whatever. Just support her.

Virginia - posted on 12/30/2012

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Just encourage her to find out what love is!!!!!!! She s young and searching. Don't let her fall into the wrong thing just because it Feels Good! Love is a commitment not a feeling!! I know you will encourage and talk to her as much as she needs to.

Ashley - posted on 12/29/2012

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keep supporting her. if you try to change her mind, it will only get worse. dont treat her any differantly. love her like you always have.

Lili - posted on 12/29/2012

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Thank you everyone for your answers.I just hope it is a temporrary thing.I will support her any way.

Cari - posted on 12/29/2012

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find out if she is being pushed into this or is her sexuality preference....! not easy .. good luck....

Jordan - posted on 12/28/2012

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Depending on how you view the issue of sexuality in your household, it would be best to let your daughter explore this on her own. She may find she is attracted to girls now, but that may change. However, you should support her and her current decisions. I've worked in the field of social work for a while now, and found a few women who work in the specific field of when teenagers tell their parents they are gay, they like guys and girls, etc. You may feel you have done something wrong here, raised her wrong, discouraged boys, etc. but often, it's not the parents fault at all. Often many people know they are gay or lesbian at a very young age, such as when they first enter school. Use this new information to further bond with your daughter. The teenage years are for finding out who you are, and that's what she's doing now. To be with other parents who are going through what you are, check out a local PFLAG (parents, family, friends, of lesbians and gays) group. Good luck and stay strong for your daughter.

Sydney - posted on 12/27/2012

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I think that's sweet. Don't git mad. Love is love and you shouldn't discourage her.

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