My 15 year old son

D'Ann - posted on 02/09/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )

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He has been spending more and more time with his dad lately even though we have joint custody. He went for his custody week and then never came back. My heart is breaking. We have always had a good relationship so I am blind sided, don't know what I did wrong. He says its not me and that it is him but when I offered to move closer to his life and high school so that he didn't feel like he was leading 2 separate lives he never responded. Does anyone have any insight? He doesn't communicate with me unless I initiate.

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D'Ann - posted on 02/11/2014

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Thank you Lisa! That really helps. I always thought my son and I were very much alike and got along well. That makes it more confusing. Yes my ex and his wife (the woman he cheated on me with) hate me and have always treated me badly which makes it harder. I am still in mourning phase but my goal is to work on my own life and yes try to keep things light with him. Being emotional will only push him further. I actually need him more than his dad needs him, it sucks!

Lisa - posted on 02/11/2014

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I understand your heartbreak, my son moved in with his dad 2 years ago at the age of 13. For the first year, there wasn't a day that passed without me shedding a tear for him. The only way I could get through it was to know that he was being taken care of by parents that loved him (though his dad ,my ex, and his step-mom hate me). I pretended that he was gone away at college as a coping mechanism. After the first year, he e-mailed me out of the blue one day to tell me that he loved me and that I would always be his mom, even though we didn't see each other that often. That meant the world to me!
There are a couple things I do to keep the lines of communication open. One, is that I never EVER talk bad about his dad or step-mom. I never bring them up in conversation. Two, I learn as much as possible about the video games he likes (he's a big gamer) and the tv shows he watches so that when we do get together, we talk about things that he likes. He seems to really appreciate that! I am always the one to start a conversation, and sometimes he doesn't respond at all. I often send him jokes or funny you-tube videos. Sometimes I get a response, and sometimes I don't. I just keep trying.
I know that my son went to live with his dad because they are much more alike than we are. I also feel like my son felt like his dad "needed him" more than I did. As hurtful as it is to admit, I feel now like it was the best thing for him. He is doing great in school and has turned out to be a very well-adjusted teenager with a great attitude. I really couldn't ask for a better son. I just wish that we saw each other more often than we do. I still miss him terribly, and always will I guess.

D'Ann - posted on 02/09/2014

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Thanks for response. Yes he's 15 year old boy that I have only had 1/2 the time most of his life so I am very aware of what it feels like when he is gone. Up til a few months ago I was the only parent who emotionally supported him and stood up for him. It is unfortunate that he feels the need to do this. Very hurtful and this treatment of me shows a great lack of respect which I don't deserve.

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