my 15yr old daughter is a new mom

Robin - posted on 10/13/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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The child is a product of statutory rape. I begged her to release the precious boy for adoption but shes already lost too much in life and just could'nt do it. I was kind and supportive to her as I have been her whole life. And now she has broken my heart by saying she doesn't trust me to care for my precious grandson while she goes to school. She wants her rapist's mother to care for him. I have NO history of not caring for her or her brothers and I have no idea how she could hurt me like this! About 3 years she began to abuse me verbally and in the last year physically. Could this have been planned as a way to break my heart? Her father was a horrible man who abused and abandoned Haley and I. She treats me JUST LIKE HIM even though I left him when she was only 3. I think maybe I should kill myself. IF she don't want a mother, that can be arranged.

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Sami - posted on 10/15/2014

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Threatening suicide is not that way to show your daughter that you are stable enough to watch her son...and that's who he is, first and foremost. Referring to your son's father as a rapist isn't going to do much in the way of mending your relationship, either. Not wanting your grandson's other grandmother to watch him based on the fact that her son had sex with your daughter and your daughter was underage makes no sense.

You're a grandmother now so you are supposed to be the mature, experienced, stable person in this equation. It's time to stop worrying about anything that has happened in the past, and move forward. The baby is here. Your daughter has chosen to keep him and she has chosen to have a relationship with her son's father and family. Nothing you say, no name you call, and no threat you make will change any of that so accept and adapt...and put yourself in her shoes for a moment. It sounds like she's had a pretty rough year, even if her actions caused it. Do not try to manipulate her with threats, and frankly, do not make this about you. It isn't. If you don't learn to grasp that soon, then you are headed down a path that will lead to no relationship with your daughter, your grandson and any other children she may one day have.

Hoping things get better for you all!

Raye - posted on 10/14/2014

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This post is very confusing to me. You mention "her brothers" but only list Haley as your child on your profile. You mention statutory rape as the cause for the pregnancy, but Haley obviously has a relationship with the father and his family.

Shawnn makes some good points and said pretty much what I was thinking. Sounds like you all would benefit from counseling. If your daughter has been abusive toward you as you say, then it seems like she does not see you as the kind and supportive parent you claim to be. It may not be entirely your fault, but playing the victim and threatening suicide is not the answer. Step up, be a responsible adult and seek help for yourself and your family.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/14/2014

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2015

Ok, have to ask, was she in a consensual relationship with her boyfriend when they had sex and created this child? Have you, subsequently, charged him with rape? Perhaps that's part of her issue with you watching her child, is that SHE feels that SHE made a consensual decision to not only create this baby, but to keep it, and you were all for getting rid of it...rather than being supportive of her, as her parent...I can see her feelings of distrust.

Furthermore, if you're attempting to guilt her into allowing you to interact with the child by threatening suicide, you probably should seek assistance for your behaviour via counseling and therapy. You cannot attempt to manipulate others, and then act hurt when they see through your manipulation and refuse to give in to you...

You sound very upset, and I do understand your point of view, but you also need to understand your daughter. She chose to have this child, to keep it, raise it, and move forward. You can join her in that effort by being supportive, referring to the childs father as a FATHER, not a rapist (because its fairly obvious to me that there was a valid relationship there, if she wants his mother to tend the baby), and moving forward with them, rather than trying to end the relationship between the two parents and in general creating an obstruction.

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