My 16 year old daughter is crazy!

Jim - posted on 10/05/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

3

0

1

She had a "boyfriend" for a few months. I put quotes because they really never went anywhere, just hung out at either our house or theirs. At first the boy seemed nice, he was quiet but polite, but then we started noticing a change in our daughter. She became more sullen and more withdrawn. She was staying up much later then usual, texting etc. I was able to put a time restriction on her phone, which helped. But they were fighting a lot, and would break up every couple of weeks. Finally we told her that she couldn't see him unless we had total access to her Facebook, Instagram etc.

When we started watching what was being talked about online, we saw the problem. He was totally in control of her, telling her who she could be friends with, where she could go and even what she could wear! She is a dancer and singer, and he told her that singing and dancing was stupid and she should quit! We jumped right in and told her that he was no good for her, and she should leave him. It seemed pretty logical. But not to her. She made all kinds of excuses, even agreeing with his backwards logic. And then it happened, while at his house, under the "watchful" eye of his mother, they had sex! We immediately stopped her from seeing him, and I even told his mother, and she was furious. So this was 6 months ago, and during this time he had even slept with one of her friends. But did she finally say enough is enough?? No!! She says she loves him and forgives him! She sees him at various school functions, but is not allowed to see him any other time. The other day I offered her $2000 to cut him loose, and she actually refused!

How do we get her to understand that this guy just wants to control her life, and doesn't really love her??

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Raye - posted on 10/10/2014

3,767

0

23

Bribery is definitely not the way to go. The more you push for her to stop seeing this guy, the more it probably appeals to her to keep seeing him. Not that you should stop trying to get him out of her life. But what you've done so far doesn't seem to be working the way you want.

Start asking her questions... What does she like about singing/dancing? Wouldn't she miss doing those activities? Did she used to want a career in singing or dancing? Wouldn't someone who loved her want her to continue singing/dancing? How did she feel when she found out he slept with her friend? Was she hurt? Would someone who truly loved her hurt her like that? What about STD's? Why would she put herself at risk of getting a disease, because he's sleeping with other people? What appeals to her about this guy? Couldn't she find a guy with similar good qualities that would treat her better? Other than "love", why does she allow him to change her? Isn't she beautiful/talented/smart/loveable just the way she is? Why were they fighting a lot? If they've been so unhappy to break up so much, what makes her think they'll be happy in the long term?

Try to keep communication open so she understands you care, and it's not just because you're the parent and you said so. Tell her you're very disappointed in the way he treats her, that she is worth more than that. That she is not showing respect for herself by letting someone treat her that way. Try introducing her to different boys her age. She may lose interest in the loser if she sees there really are other fish in the sea. And, if the other boy has already been shopping around, he may eventually decide to move on for good on his own. Then be there for her to cry on your shoulder.

4 Comments

View replies by

Jim - posted on 10/08/2014

3

0

1

Sarah, those are some great ideas. We are taking her to a counselor next week. I will let you know how it goes!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms