My 16 year old son is going to be a father & this is a very messy situation..

Cindi - posted on 09/21/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am absolutely devastated. My 16 year old son came to me in tears tonight and admitted to me that he got someone pregnant. I was extremely shocked, because he hasn't been dating anyone. I wasn't prepared for the rest of his explanation. He went on to say that back in the spring, he and a friend obtained fake IDs that said they were 18 so they could get into the local night clubs (He looks a lot older than he is). We live in a very big city, so it was easy for him to tell his father & I that he was just going to a friends for the night, but really they were hopping on a train to go downtown where the club scene is. We trusted him because he had never acted out before. In May, he met a 22 year old girl at one of the clubs, and he lied to her and told her that he was 19 so she wouldn't brush him off. He told me that he lost his virginity to her, and they had sex a few more times into the early summer. The girl eventually found out that he is 16, and she freaked out and stopped talking to him all together, as she should have. He went on to say that a few days ago, she sent him a long text message telling him that she is pregnant with his baby. She said that she 'just wanted to let him know, and doesn't want any legal problems (because he is a minor), and is okay with raising the baby alone'. Basically, she wants nothing to do with him at all. He is very upset because he wants to be a part of this child's life. He tried to call her a few times and reason with her but she is completely ignoring him.
I am feeling completely broken. My husband and I have done everything to make sure that our children know everything they need to about safe sex and waiting until they are in a very committed long term relationship. We thought that we had guided our children in the right direction, we have always been a close family. As I said before, we never expected this out of our son. He has never acted out, he has a part time job, he has always been on the honor roll and he is an athlete. We have rules in our house that he has always seemed to follow. I don't understand what would possess my son do something like this, knowing that this girl is 22 and they are six years apart in age! My son is devastated because this girl does not want him to be a part of their child's life at all. Part of me wants to tell my son he is not allowed to see this girl again, but he is the father of her son and he needs to be responsible for his actions. Legally, what can we do about this? Even though the age of consent in our state is 16, could either of them be in any legal trouble because he is under 18? How should my husband and I approach this girl? We are crushed that we now have to question our son's trust, who has always been so good to us. We are so hurt and lost right now, we never thought that we would ever be in a situation as messy as this. Any advice would help right now, thank you very much.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/23/2013

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Neither you, nor your son should assume that he's going to be a father simply because she told him he is.

Legal considerations: What is the age of consent in your state? Most states it's 16, some it's 18. If you're in a state where the age of consent is 16, there is no "legal" trouble for her. However, if your son is legally able to consent, and he feels that he's the father, he does have right to request paternity proof, and subsequent arrangements for support and visitation.

However, I'd have to say that if a 22 yo is clubbing and sleeping with various men, there is a question about the paternity, and that needs to be established first and foremost.

Consult with family attorney, see what possible options are.

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Carol-Lynn - posted on 09/22/2013

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My husband and truly feel for you. Half of me wants to say, "I'm so sorry" but the other half of me wants to say "congratulations" and as odd as that sounds perhaps it's because right now we only have and see 2 pieces of the huge beautiful 1,000 + pcs. puzzle picture. We can only see right now in this moment but God see the whole picture and more so the future. And in the bible He says, "What was intended for bad, I will make it good."
We will definitely prayer for your whole family...including your grandchild.

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