my 16 year old surprised me and told me she wants to live with her dad

Talia - posted on 11/15/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )

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She tells me on a Wednesday afternoon in counseling that she has decided she wants to go live with her dad. I was completely caught off guard. We had a great relationship. And then surprises me with a text me while she is at school the next day and tells me that her stepmom is picking her up and she will be by to move her things out! I tried texting her on Friday and she has a bad attitude towards me and I asked if she would call me on Saturday so we could talk and no answer. She is also ignoring my mom and her sister. How am I suppose to not be hurt and how was this not suppose to affect our relationship?

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Stephanie - posted on 11/15/2015

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Wow our situations are so similar only it was her dad rubbing in my face that he had won and his gf bought my daughter a new phone..she has an attitude towards me that I've never seen before like a complete different girl that I don't recognize, she doesn't speak to my mom either and I texted her on her first day of school too..ya just take some time for you to heal that's what I'm doing and everyday I'm getting stronger..I'm hoping she sees the light and comes home soon but I have to be prepared if she doesn't..I still have other kids that need me sane lol..I hope your daughter sees the light too..deep down she knows who mom is and that you love her and that will win out in the end

Stephanie - posted on 11/15/2015

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Had the same thing happen with my daughter but she left after getting her phone taken away and her dad had her enrolled in a different school the next day and we havent spoken much since...I was heartbroken because we were so close but now I'm taking a step back, I'm not going to chase her and beg for her to come back cause she's a teen and that will make her want to be there even more so I will let her come to me when she's ready or had enough of her dads..she needs to see that maybe the grass isn't greener on the other side and you know what maybe she will never leave her dads till she is ready to move out after school I don't know.. All I know is I did the best raising her as a single mom and I can't force her to come home..and I'm ill and the stress is killing me..so it may not work in your situation I'm just giving my opinion but take a step back and let her be for a bit..it might be good for both of you..still love her and be there if and when she needs you..it's a really difficult situation to be and damn it hurts I know..but with the way things are now the courts consider them of age at 16 and I tried law, children's aid and no one would do anything..I don't know the right thing to do I'm just doing what I think is best for my situation..maybe it will work for you maybe not..just do what you think is best and don't think your alone

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Talia - posted on 11/15/2015

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Thank you so much for the post. It really helps to talk to somebody that understands what I'm going through.

Talia - posted on 11/15/2015

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Thank you Stephanie. I went through this with my oldest but the difference was we were fighting a lot and so it was easier for me to understand why she wanted to leave and go live with her dad she move back home 5 months later. This daughter and I have had a fabulous relationship and I think that's what's so hard. Having less than 24 hours notice was quite a shock and was very painful and it is still very painful. Her step mom harassed me the day that she moved and was rubbing it in my face that she was coming to live with them which made it that much worse. I have tried to talk to my daughter she has an attitude towards me and I've tried to text to her a couple of times since and she won't text me back and I don't even know why. They moved her to another city which is in another county she has change schools I actually had to get her dads address because I have no idea where he lives I know the city but that's it. She will not speak to anyone on my side of the family and it is really hurting my entire side of the family. I have not tried to contact her in 2 days however I did send her a text this evening telling her to have a good first day at her new school and that I love her. I guess from here out I will leave her alone and let her be for a while.

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