My 17 year old daughter is treating us like servants

Gianoula - posted on 11/24/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My beautiful loving daughter has turned into a rude, abusive, non-communicative monster. After two years of an eating disorder she now thinks we run a hostel and doesn't tell us where she is going, who she is with or what time she'll be home. I wait around at work waiting for her to text me and let me know if she needs a lift home. When I try and talk to her she says she has nothing to say or doesn't want to talk right now. She is aggressive, mostly passive aggressive when at home. We wash and iron her clothes, cook her meals (when she deigns to be at home), buy her clothes, pick her up and drop her off at bus stops, or work. I cannot survivve like this. Every day is heartbreak. I just let her be and let her go BUT it is so hard. She has just finished year 11 and has one more year to go - I don't know whether she'll finish school - she always wanted to go to university and wanted to do law...what do I do now? This is hell.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/25/2013

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She is 17. Why are you still doing her laundry, ironing, etc?

The only obligation you have is to provide nutrition (but she can darn well cook), a roof over her head and necessities. No one said necessities included you being a slave. Necessities are you purchasing groceries, basic clothing, hygiene items. Anything beyond that, she can purchase.

My kids, from the age of 10 on are expected to do their own laundry, make proper arrangements when rides are needed (if they don't put it on the calendar, they walk or get a ride from someone else), Contribute to household duties & chores, and help prepare meals.

By the time they were 15, each had a night of cooking duties, as well as their personal laundry, keeping their private rooms clean as well as the public areas in their area of the home, and yardwork.

Part of what I'm seeing here is "I just let her be & let her go". Which is why she's still treating you like crap. Hold her responsible for her actions, or lack thereof.

When she doesn't communicate, you don't wait for her, don't buy her things, don't bend for her. When she asks why, explain how communication works again, and that if she'd like privileges, she can work for them.

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Chealsea - posted on 11/25/2013

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obviously you help her get through this point in her life because she might be pregnant.

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