My 17 year old son had SEX for the first time 3 days ago and she says

Tricia - posted on 10/01/2015 ( 21 moms have responded )

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Really??? WTF?? This girl claims that she is " pregnant" after only 3 days of them having sex one time and his first timne.. No he didnt wear a comdomn, yes he did pull out( yes I know that doesnt matter) She was not a virgin , but he was and now she is texting him that she is allegedly pregnant and he better stop talking and texting other girls or she will cut his privates off??? Okay I met with the Mother yesterday, after he came to me crying scarred to death of his life being ruint by her " having his baby" at 16!! The Mother didnt seem at all surprised her daughter was having sex, and this one wont make me popular here but I DID CONFIRM MY POSITION, I am his Mother, he is a Minor and we ABSOLUTELY DO NOT WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS IN ANY WAY... I refuse the accept this child, pay for this child and I did offer to pay for an operation should my son actually be the father of this " alleged" fetus.
I understand that my son also has blame if she is in fact pregnant by my son., however I also feel that we therefore should have some say so in what happens with this situation and I AM EXTREMELY PRO CHOICE.... I get that this wont make me popular here, but it is what it is and I am truthful about how I feel
What should my next step be? I left it that she needs to talk to her daughter, get a pregnancy test and if it comes back positive then I will attend a doctor's appointment with them and I want the doctor to tell me how far along she is in fact... Don't know what else to do, I have texted the Mother and the girl that they are NOT to attempt to get in touch with my son in anyway, threaten my son, and there is to be no contact at all with him. They can come through me... Don't know what else to do.. also the " texts" that I read and printed where she threatedn him and to cut off his privates have now since been deleted completedly , however I printed them...

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[deleted account]

Don't know where everyone thinks i want to force her to do anything, i have just said that there are other options. Yes IF and i know it isn't my choice there wouldn't be a child at all not going to deny that. As you stated , he will (after a DNA test if she should have a child) give up all rights and that is exactly what he wants and also to have them stay completely away and we will have no problem doing the same.
I understand accidents happen, carelessness and lack of responsibility and common sense on both parties . Anyhow, thank you all for your replies, as I stated earlier I respect people's opinions even if they vary vastly from my own... I don't know how to close a thread but I am sure I can figure it out... Thanks again for all the input.

Claudia - posted on 10/02/2015

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Wow, just wow. You need help Trica. You have some major issues. First if all, I had my son at 17 and no one, I mean NO ONE, was going to "make" me have an abortion. It's HER body, not yours! Think if it like this, I don't like your nose and I want you to ho get a nose job. I'll take you to court and force you to undergo surgery. It's not my nose on my body but oh well. Your nose offends me. Doesn't make sense now does it? Not even the government can force her to have an abortion. When you found out you were pregnant could anyone force you to have an abortion? No? Wtf is the difference? Age? In the eyes of the law age doesn't matter in this case. You have no rights. What state do you live in? The only type if rights grandparents have in certain states is visitation but it must be court ordered. Go talk to any lawyer. Memorize the look on his or her face then go get a mental health check. The courts will never give you custody. If something happens to her, since both are minors, HER family gets custody, not you. I get you're upset but you are going about this all wrong. You have zero say in any if this. That's the law. You can't change it. If she's pregnant and a DNA test says its your sons he has a choice to make. Court ordered child support and court ordered visitation or he can sign over his rights to the baby and BOTH of you stay away from them for life. But all in all its her body and if the baby us his it's his choice, not yours. You want him to grow up and be responsible? Start with him maning up!

[deleted account]

Very true, I could not force him however he wants to completely.. My son wants to have a Vasectomy and my parents agreed to fund it and I said absolutely not at this age. Wait until you are sure , if you are no longer a minor and still want that, then go for it. He doesn't want to bring children into this world at all and that's his decision when the time comes... This girl was not a girlfriend or someone special, she was a new friend hadn't even kissed and she put the sex thing out there and my son being a teenager and hormones raging went for it. I am not excusing his behavior nor do I condone it, but it took 2 and she was the aggressor that I know. Mys on is actually very socially awkward and shy.. thanks for the replies, it helps...

[deleted account]

Once again Sarah thanks for the kindness,, I had the communicable talk after the fact and have made the appointment in the last 2 days. We had of course had those talks briefly before and the whole sex talk and condoms and so on... He was a virgin until that evening so I hadnt hammered on the "safe thing" as hard as I would have had I known.
I totally agrre with you on the " pro choice" but to me that means his stance should be also looked at not just hers.. Last, 3 days is wayyy too son and the fact that she threw it out there when he told her that he wasnt going to stop talking to his friends makes me somewhat skeptical.. Thanks for talking about this and replying. It helps..

[deleted account]

Not even close to holier than thou, trust me. I am walking proof that if a mistake can be made it might.. Not even close. I know that my choice is not a popular one and people will disagree.. I'm totally ok with that. I respect their opinion as I respect yours as well.
But we are talking about a MINOR child and basically in TX he doesn't have a vote on it really. I am his Parent. legal guardian and so on , so anything that pertains to him , will involve me. And no I am sorry to say I would not be a Grand Mother to it, maybe biologically but that would be the only way. I'm sorry if I come off heartless, that is far from the case, I am just really opposed to bringing a life to this earth you cannot afford to feed or put through college and give a decent life too. Trust me I pray that I am correct and she said this to scare him because she was mad he was talking to other female "friends" on his social media and this will blow over with no such consequences but no he will NOT be allowed to forget this lesson...

[deleted account]

Thank you for being polite and respectful in your post.. I appreciate it.
Correct on most points. Yes I did mean fund an abortion and like I said there are other options as well such as adoption.
There are couples who can afford to give this child the best education, the most love and a home where the baby would be welcome and flourish...
Once again jumping the gun since as I told her Mother , 3 days is impossible to say " I am pregnant" and I am going to ruin your lilfe and cut your privates off! Some one in a earlier post mentioned therapy? humm, thinking possibly the young lady might need some.
Last option ...SHOULD, and yes I said SHOULD my son somehow be the father IF she is in fact pregnant and there is a baby, I will fight for full custody and when I win and I will because my situation is better than theirs ( as far as financial, economical, educational and most all aspects) we would at that point put the baby up for adoption.. That could be an option also... Once again, thank you for being polite, respectful in your reply, I enjoyed reading it.

[deleted account]

my son does have my support, completely. I do respect others choice to be pro life, as I expect the same respect for my position and my son which is pro choice..
He did NOT know she was having unprotected sex with anyone else until after the fact, trust me I had the whole communicable disease with him and his Doctor's appointment is already set.
As far as therapy, really? I am quite sane and once again will say again I am entitled to be pro choice. EVELYN, really, while you gag? I am presuming you are an adult so I am somewhat disturbed by that expression. As you say if she is in fact pregnant and it isn't my son's which would be proven by DNA testing ( or it is either way)I presume you think that it would be okay to just brush it under the rug that she knowingly falsely accused my son?? I think not...
My head is on quite straight thank you, I'm just not one to think it's quite alright to bring another child into the world that I am not about to support( nor is my son), her family cannot support and let's add another burden on the welfare system?
There are other options to having it and keeping it...
My position would be the same if it was any other person having an expected, un planned child that financially they cannot raise..
I knew it wouldn't be a popular stand, but I a fine with that.. I just look at my surroundings ( a border town) and I see so much abuse of the welfare system...
Am I very disappointed in my son's actions? you bet ya
Is he having to really look at his actions and the consequences , you bet ya
will there be repercussions either way, you bet ya... But I won't stand by and let my son pay for a mistake that was jointly made.. he should have the choice, and we would reascend all rights.

Tricia - posted on 10/02/2015

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EXCUSE ME... she was also stupid enough to have un protected sex, it does take 2. And actually no he isnt tied to her for anything, I will fight for her to terminate this prgnancy if in fact " she is" which is doubtful since they have already tried to delete and erase all texts, threatning and non threatning. The Mom has not gotten back in touch with me and she was supposed to have her daughter take a pregnancy test and I have not heard anything at all.
Yes this should be the ULTIMATE life lesson he needs to learn from for sure that I will most certainly agree on.
What I don't understand is the mentality that .. yes he is 1/2 responsible , so why can he not have 1/2 half the say so in what happens with this pregnancy if she is in fact pregnant and it is his????

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