My 17 yo is constantly angry.

Jennifer - posted on 12/02/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I'm at a loss at this point. She argues the second she gets up until I find myself hiding in my room to avoid interaction with her. I don't know what to do anymore. When I confront her she blames me says I'm a horrible mother and never give her any attention. Someone help please!

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LalaBoom - posted on 12/09/2013

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There's no reason why a kid would have so much power that YOU, the authority figure, have to go to your room to avoid interaction with her.

Is it just me or do the roles seem reversed?

It takes TWO to argue.... Here's a few suggestions:

1. If she yells/screams/shouts/curses, etc while you're already talking....... Simply ignore her, and walk away. Do not engage. This will send the message that you will not participate in screaming matches with your kid.

2. When you feel your temper flaring up or anticipate her temper flaring up..... Remove yourself from the situation, literally. Don't hide, but remove yourself and go back to it at a later time.

3. Don't drag "extras" into the current argument. If she's screaming about you not giving her time, don't snap back that she's always out or she's always in a bad mood...... Simply stick to the issue at hand.

3. It may seem common sense, but skip the "always," "never," and words as such, they are more antagonistic than not.

4. Don't accuse her of things simply because she accuses you of things- its primitive, petty and argument fuel.

5. When and if she acuses you of everything under the sun, don't immediately jump to defend yourself either. By getting on the defense you are essentially sending the message that there's 100% truth to her accusations. She can say whatever she wants, but it doesn't mean its true

6. By the same token, don't automatically shoot down all accusations. They may very well be valid and your dismissing them is dismissing her. Take an honest look and check if there's any truth to what she says.

7. Offer a solution. She wants more time with you? Okay, work out a special time for just you and her.

You can allow her to bait you in, or you can both agree to speak like adults when the tension isn't at atomic levels.

Lynel - posted on 12/06/2013

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Ground her, take away privileges. I have a 20 yr old daughter it does get better. Try to talk to her when everything is calm, maybe something is going on at school, with friends etc.. as well.

Funch357 - posted on 12/04/2013

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I agree w Jodi on "Never ever reward the negatives with attention unless it becomes a safety issue."

Funch357 - posted on 12/04/2013

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My son does this. He's a senior in h.s. & an immature 18 yr old. Sometimes I use the old 3 strikes & consequences approach: The first time he mouths off I calmly say, "That's one." Then I explain that I feel disrespected & annoyed when he behaves this way & that I'm counting down & there will be consequences if I get to three. Usually it doesn't get that far, but if it does, the consequences usually involve taking away the Xbox or cell phone for a certain amt of time.

Jodi - posted on 12/04/2013

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It sounds like she is acting out to get your attention. What you need to focus on is positive interactions. Rather than giving her attention when things are not great, when she does the right thing, give her the attention then. Surely there are times when she does something right? Focus on that. Reward the little positives with your attention. Never ever reward the negatives with attention unless it becomes a safety issue.

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